Sweet Sweet Love

2011-05-10T23:44:00.002+08:00

I know the piece on Elections Day never came, but the GE is over now, and I must say that I was pretty disappointed with the results. I'm too lazy to go into another long, detailed tirade but I must say that I never expected Potong Pasir to "fall". And I'm sure I'm not the only one. I don't know about Mr Chiam See Tong, but if I were him, I'd be torn between anger and sadness. Angry that, after so many years of faithful service, of dedicating myself solely to the well-being of my residents, of fighting so many odds and overcoming so many obstacles even though I could have taken the easy way out and be retiring on round-the-world tours now. And sad because all my efforts, all my hard work and all my determination came to naught.

That aside though.

I've started at my new job, and although I must admit that the workload is probably 10 times more than at Interwell, I am still able to cope (for now) and I do kind of like the fact that every minute is spent working. Well, I wouldn't want to be totally stressed out by work, but I think I'm learning a lot of stuff at this job, and learning a lot about handling deadlines, about the "norms" in the accounting industry and stuffs like that.

So far its only the second day but I feel as though I've gain a whole new encyclopedia of knowledge. I don't know how the rest of the days are gonna be like, but for now, I'm just gonna take it one day at a time.

I'm gonna just do my work and not worry about things that I cannot foresee nor control whether they happen or not.

And on this note, I'd like to conclude today's post and turn in for a not-so-early night's sleep. Cheers to a better future!

P.S I'm back on Weibo and seriously consider retrying to enter the Twitter community. We'll see how for the latter okay? Goodnight with love!

2011-05-04T00:55:00.004+08:00

Its been a while since I last blogged, and suddenly there so many things I wanna write about that I think I'm gonna split it into 2 posts. This is due to content touching on 2 totally unrelated issues, and because its gonna be L-O-N-G.

Beware of crazily long rant!

Specially dedicated to my former employer(s):

First of all, I wanna announce with IMMENSE relief that I've finally left my former company. Not because I was unhappy with the workload, not because I couldn't get along with the people, but firstly because I felt that the job scope was "stunting my growth" in the sense that I could literally feel myself getting lazier and more sluggish as the days passed.

And secondly, also because new company policies developed to protect "company interests" were trying to rob me of my own personal interests. I mean, come on, which retard would wanna sign a memo that allows his/her employer to take back their AWS or bonus, albeit the amounts not being very huge? Just like water spilled onto the floor cannot be scooped back into the pail, wages given out to employees cannot be recalled back (without reason) and no smart employee would allow you to do that.

Of course you could argue that the employer is merely looking to protect his interests, and that true "loyal" employees would sign it unhesitantly. Well, I am not a dog. I will treat you, my fellow human counterpart, my (ex)boss, my (ex)lady boss, with the respect due to you, but ONLY if you command it. I do not pledge blind loyalty, nor would I compromise my own interests for you to satisfy yours. You may call me selfish, but which human is not? When you think up such ridiculous policies, are you not being selfish in wanting to "protect" your own company? Then I think it is absolutely fair that I disagree with your policies and choose instead, to deviate from this path, that is getting smaller and darker, to seek a new one that is better paved and illuminated. While it is true that I did not give an honest reason when I tendered my resignation, it was to save you the agony of feeling betrayed. Because I knew you'd think that way. But of course, you had to poke around in everybody's business and stab yourself wherever you feel "hurt". The agreed upon "peaceful farewell" was a huge farce and we both know it.

I do not want to touch on all the falsies witnessed over the past 2 years. You can carry on thinking that you are the smartest person in the world, with no one being able to sneak anything past you, despite all the illegal stuff you're doing, but I'd like to throw back to you your own words: "Karma will come back to haunt you".

I'm sure it was satisfyingly smug to poke around at someone else's emails and Facebook accounts to gain access to information that you weren't supposed to know. Maybe you were aware, maybe you weren't, that doing so is an invasion of someone else's privacy and that, is a crime. Maybe you thought we were dumb or brainless, but we jolly well knew that the kind of accounts we were doing weren't the norm. For starters, even someone with zero accounting experience knows that the fish, meat, vegetables and other shit you buy for your own consumption in your own house isn't claimable from the company.

I'm sure it was secretly, satisfyingly smug when you secretly called up the companies where I had been to for interviews to tattle bullshit to their HR, using information secretly gleaned from my personal email. FYI, even though you have the servers installed to spy on your employees, it is still illegal to steal data and info from their personal accounts for your own use.

I'm sure it must have been a huge throwback when you didn't get the kind of anxious reaction you'd hoped to see, because you see, I didn't really care. Not even when you found out where and when I'd be commencing work at my new job. Not even when I found out that you had been impersonating me to call my new company for information to satisfy your own psychotic hunger for prying into anyone and everyone's business.

Anger is one thing, anxiety is another. I'd have been a saint not to feel anger, but I was also honestly and sorely disappointed that the person whom I kept telling myself was "not bad, despite her bad temper" turned out to be nothing but a big fat muthafucking bitch.

I may have bitched about you behind your back, may have given you unpleasant monikers, but I can say with a clear conscience that I have never done anything to cause any sort of serious harm to you. I mean, come on, I'm sure you've done your own fair share of bitching about me too. But to stoop so low, that is a true unveiling. Well, I've been well and truly slapped in the face, but you can be sure I wouldn't be stupid enough to allow that a second time.

Well, my ex-lady boss. It is farewell, adieu, but I need more time to ponder and carefully consider if I ought to take a stand for myself. And I will surely do that.

As for my ex-boss, I am truly speechless.

For a man so highly respected in the industry, for someone who can be a leader to this employees (albeit the pathetically low numbers), for someone who has come so far and gained so much, to be so gutless, to have such a lack of balls, to allow your wife to control you like a puppet and play around with the company you worked so hard to build up over the past 20 years. I seriously cannot make up my mind whether to pity you or to laugh at you.

And I hope, for your blissful ignorance, that you never find out that the loyal dog you treasure so highly isn't who you think he is. That you never find out that he's been sneaking treats behind your back when he thinks you ain't looking.

Once upon a time you were the boss I looked up to for your intelligence, for your fatherly mien, for what I thought was impartial judgement on your part. But you so thoroughly managed to disabuse me of such notions that I suppose I should be thankful to you for opening my eyes wide. I sincerely wish you happiness, and hope that your company can continue to prosper, even at the hands of a wife who is slowly but surely squandering all your assets. I'm sure hundreds of Tupperware containers left to rot in forgotten corners are hugely essential to any human being's survival.

I have dedicated 2 years of my life to this job, and I think I can say that I've done fairly well, if not excellently, in carrying out my duties well, in ensuring day-to-day operations can be carried out smoothly, in not causing you unnecessary headaches.

I am, if nothing else, by nature a sentimental person. I keep and will treasure the memories garnered from this 2 year experience, even though it could not have been a fairytale ending.

I will never forget that I entered the company with zero experience in office work.
I will never forget the guidance bestowed upon me by my ex-colleagues and by both of you.
I will never forget that you did indeed treat me well, although at this point I can't tell if it was an act.
I will never forget that it was here that I was given the opportunity to learn, to grow, to become better and to gain an extra foothold in my future journey.

For all that I am truly, sincerely and immensely grateful, I also cannot forget the kind of beasts you both turned out to be.

It is just like the upcoming General Elections. Although the PAP has given us a lot of good years, although MM Lee has done a more than brilliant job in leading Singapore to be what she is today, we cannot discount the fact that policies over the past few years have led to increased unhappiness in many people.

Which will bring me to my next post. Please stay tuned for that.

I apologise for the long, and if somewhat boring and perhaps even confusing rant. But I really think, for an employer (hell she shouldn't even considered one since she's not under payroll of the company) to stoop so low just to dig out every aspect of his/her employees personal life, it really speaks a lot about what kind of person you are.

I shall retire to bed now and immerse myself in my current read, so as to dispel the resurfaced anger.

Side note:

People always ask me why I love to read so much, especially romance novels. I give you my answer now: Because to me, fictional romance is like giving a lollipop to a wailing kid. It helps me to calm and soothe me; to enter a world where black is black and white is white, and the gray edges will eventually be erased out; where there is true justice in that the good get the fairytale endings and the evil get their just desserts. For people like me with an overwhelmingly strong sense of justice, such tales serve as a balm to the indignation of not being able to do anything about the huge cloud of gray edges that hangs over us in real life.

It is a dream of mine to one day be able to sit still long enough to pen my own book, but that is something faraway. For a start, I'm gonna have to curb my very very bad habit of procrastinating. This blog post was supposed to have been written and posted 5 days ago but somehow or other, I kept putting it off. *Sheepish grin*

Goodnight world. May you find true, unleashed happiness in Dreamland.

2011-03-18T11:07:00.004+08:00

真的太久沒寫博了… 曾經一度想把博客關掉算了，可是卻因為捨不得，所以最終沒有這麼做。畢竟，這博客也記載了我好幾年的生活；酸的甜的苦的，好多好多的回憶，好多好多的往事。雖然很多部分都已經成了歷史，但那畢竟是我生活中的一部分；雖然回頭看，我是多麼的傻，多麼的幼稚，但發生過的，存在過的，都是不可磨滅掉的，而我也不想這麼做。

不說這些有的沒的了。

2011年。是個挺不錯的開始。一開始就去了北京旅遊。雖然和家人還是沒辦法完全地和睦共處，但是因為有老公在，讓我不是要時時刻刻收到他們的控制，所以玩的挺愉快的。後來過了年，我和老公又去了台灣。我們都超愛台灣的啦~ 因為那裡可以感覺到很輕鬆，不想新加坡，會讓人很壓力，好像一直得快速地跟上別人的步伐，要不就會落後。在台灣，商店比我們晚開門，但也比我們晚關。也是很熱鬧，買的東西也各種各樣，小吃更是一流的棒，店家的服務態度也很贊哦！回來一個月了，但我仍然對那裡念念不忘，一直很想再回去。

努力工作，努力存錢，努力讓生活變得更好，可是不知道為什麼，就是做不到“存錢”這兩個字。每個月都儘量省吃儉用，也有仔細規劃所有開銷，但到了月底，看到的還是空得可憐的銀行戶口。真的很懊惱…… 老公叫我別那麼操心，但我就是不甘心嘛！感覺上好像怎麼努力都沒用。身邊那麼多人，可以不流一滴汗就擁有想要的一切，為什麼我努力了這麼久，卻連個小小的目標的到不到呢？還是是我太過專注在錢的方面，而對周圍的其它變化盲目了？好混亂。其實我很清楚，我現在的生活素質，的確有比四年前剛開始打工養自己的時候，變得比較好，可是我是個天生的會計師，對錢嘛… 特別敏感。誰不愛錢？但我不是因為愛慕虛榮而存錢，而是因為擁有存款能給我一份安全感。誰叫我從小就被灌輸了“要錢才是大，沒錢別說話”的家庭觀念呢？

老公說，我總是不斷地給自己無謂的壓力，搞的我整個人都變得好緊繃。我也有試著去放鬆過啊，可是不管我再怎麼盡力不去想，這些煩惱就都還是會不知不覺的霸佔我的意識啊！我也很困惑。

我很希望好的開始也代表好的結果。我沒什麼大的願望，只想可以終於有點儲蓄，不需要每次到了月底又在煩惱錢的問題。雖然目前沒有到過不去的地步，但就是不滿意自己存不到，而且會常常覺得“是我們太奢侈嗎？”

還有好多是要煩惱…… 考試、工作、人生。太多太多了。我又快要憂鬱了！堅持、執著；固執、堅強。是好是壞？

2010-12-23T16:39:00.002+08:00

嗨！我又來寫博客咯！

再過1個星期就是新的一年囖！還蠻期待的哦！下個月要和家人去北京耶。。。還有得滑雪哦！北京回來就等過年，然後就去台灣了！你說爽不爽？嘿嘿~

最近又有好多煩惱了。減肥計畫還在進行中，不過有幾次的失望，讓我產生過想放棄的念頭。希望接下來可以順利一點啊！還有在懊惱的就是錢的問題…… 因為添加了多一趟旅行，所以原本就的預算又要做更改，怕怕會不夠錢啦！

過兩天就是聖誕節了，明天要和公司的人共享聖誕午餐。今年我有當迷你聖誕老人哦！大家都有禮物，新人也有。而之所以叫“迷你”聖誕老人，是因為沒有預算，所以送的禮物都不是什麼貴重的東西，只不過一點小小心意，希望大家會喜歡。^^

好啦，今天就只寫一些些，因為多一會兒就下班了，只是想分享下一些心情。在這裡先預祝大家過個快樂的聖誕哦！Merry Christmas~!

2010-11-18T10:43:00.002+08:00

哇…… 好久好久沒寫博客了。自從有了微薄，根本就沒把博客放在心上，真是慚愧。會是真的有一天，我會把博客關閉吧？實在沒什麼時間寫，而且也沒人看嘛。

最近整個人好像從冬眠醒過來一樣，突然發現自己好像浪費了20年的時間在發呆，在胡思亂想，在懶惰。突然好像學習好多東西，做好多事。想學日文，想學彈鋼琴；想進步歌聲，想學跳舞；想變漂亮，想努力減肥。而且不單單只是想，我也有在執行喔！

又開始上健身房了~ 1.5個月內減了4公斤。有待進步，但是我很開心了。

明年二月，我終於有機會去台灣了！機票和酒店都已經訂好了，超期待的！雖然這次只是去台北，但希望下次可以有能力和時間把台灣走透透。=D

打算從台灣回來後就開始學日文和鋼琴，同時繼續努力減肥，找回自己的自信心，希望可以在21歲之前成功減肥轉型。等到這把年紀才有想要變沒的想法，會不會太晚啊？呵呵。不過，我不想繼續做醜小鴨，也不想繼續把頭埋在沙裏的鴕鳥。我有想法，有夢想，我想實現這些想法，這些夢，不想再輕易被打倒了。

我在微薄裏有個秘密世界。在那裡，我把所有的思想，感觸，心酸和快樂都毫不保留的PO上了。那也成了我減肥路程的日記。暫時好不想公開，但希望有一天我能找到那股讓自己公開這個世界的自信心。請替我加油吧！

2010-09-12T06:11:00.010+08:00

很多人都不知道，我難過或不開心的時候都會表現得很瘋狂；越不開心就越瘋狂。我也說不上為什麼，可能是想用大笑來掩飾難過，也或者想讓自己忘掉煩惱吧。

最近的心情都好差，烦恼的事实在好多，感觉快招架不住啦!自从搬了新公司之后，感觉好像工作量突然增加好多，每天好多事做不完。是我的问题吗? 而且同事不断地离职；一年内跑了5个人耶!
还有在烦恼一些别的事啦，可那不能说。 =D

那天在寻找工作的网站看到一些公司在请杂役，时间断，工资又挺高的，忽然有一股冲动想把现在这份工给辞了，过会以前那种打散工的日子，但那不可能了啦。不过有时还是觉得好累... 希望有一天存够了钱，可以让自己放个假，暂停工作一些时间。
我是不是很逊啊? 严格上来讲，我工作了快四年，但真正的全职是现在这一份，做了一年多而已。和那些工作了大半辈子，到现在还在努力大打拼的其他人比起来，我大概只能算是芝麻绿豆；如果连这一点小苦都吃不起，那以后的日子怎么过? 可是就是觉得好累呀!而且不是应为工作量多少的原因，而是因为其他因素...一直告诉自己要再忍耐一点，可是却又一直有想放弃的念头。

有时我在想，是不是因为看太多的爱情故事，使得我的思想这么地单纯? 对于陌生人，我虽然很防备，但就是不懂得辩解到底谁是好人谁是坏人。对我来说，黑就是黑，白就是白，根本不存在着灰色地带。虽然灰色地带是个事实，但我实在很难接受。男友常说我把人类看得太过简单，很容易被骗。的确，我真的是这样；别人只要对我一点点好，我就可以回报他十倍，即使对方是戴着假面具我也看不出来。
我并不是在把自己塑造成天使或是什么清纯玉女，因为我不可能是，但我始終相信人性本善，所以對於那些會做出損人利己的事的人，我真的沒辦法瞭解。

昨天晚上剛看完又一部偶像劇。好甜蜜，有好懊惱，什麼時候我也能這樣幸福呢？

這幾個星期，我整個人都好緊繃，好像隨時快要崩潰似的，只能一直不停地幻想一些虛擬的情景，讓日子好過些。也因此整個人都處在了一種被困在夢境中的狀態。有時真的好想就留在快樂的虛擬世界裏，別再回到殘酷的真實生活哦！我好像。。。快得人格分裂症了喔~

前兩天又簽了健身房的配套，這次希望意志力能堅強點；不需要變成什麼美人胚子，只求能變瘦一點，或許性格也會變得自信點，開朗點。

哼。心情沉的時候實在不適合寫博客，越寫越長，越寫越憂鬱，請見諒。還有，上半段寫的是簡體字，因為那是前些天寫到一半睡著沒寫完的，今天抽了點空把它寫完。現在我開始迷上微薄了，所以大概也不會那麼經常來寫博客了。

2010-08-04T00:25:00.000+08:00

突然有鼓想用中文写薄客的冲动; 种种的不愉快也真不知从何说起...

长话短说... 总之, 就是好气又好恨自己.

好气好气, 为什么我总是那么不懂得自私一点. 每次都因为太与在乎别人的想法和别人的口出狂言, 让自己的情绪一而再地受到挫折. 真讨厌!!!

好恨好恨, 为什么我总是比笨蛋还笨, 比傻瓜还傻, 比白痴还要更白痴...

感觉好象快要窒息了; 好难受.

我不是在可怜自己, 也不是想讨注意, 只是有时觉得自己真的太不懂得把自己放在第一位, 总是在顾着让别人开心的当下, 忘了自己也是有血有泪的人; 忘了照顾到自己的开心, 总是直到太迟了才恍然大悟. =(

我承认自己不是圣人, 不能每件都做到百分百完美, 但难到在他们的眼里, 只看得到坏, 看不到好吗? 我真的很努力在学习, 可是为什么他们给我的感觉, 好象我再怎么努力, 都达不到他们的要求呢?

搞不懂耶.

送上一首温岚唱的 "傻瓜"; 副歌真是唱出了我的心声吖!

飞叶在线带你心飞

其实他做的坏事我们都懂
没有什么不同
眼光闪烁暧昧流动
闭上眼当作听说

其实别人的招数我们都懂
没有什么不同
故作软弱撒娇害羞
只是有一点别扭

傻瓜也许单纯地懂
爱得没那么做作
爱上了我不保留

[*]
傻瓜我们都一样
被爱情伤了又伤
相信这个他不一样
却又再一次受伤

傻瓜我们都一样
受了伤却不投降
相信付出会有代价
代价只是一句傻瓜
[*]

-=SnObBiSh SaLeSpEoPlE]=-

2010-07-26T00:22:00.002+08:00

I simply cannot understand why people who work in high-end boutiques like to act as though they are superior to other people. Please lah! If you're so damn clever, you'll opening your own boutique instead of selling your ass to your employer! KNN.

I'm so pissed because Dear and I were at Cineleisure today to watch The Blood Pledge and after that, we walked by Mont Blanc and I was pointing out this really chio watch to him. It was on display and we didn't even walk in or anything and the sales guy was giving me the "Oh, don't bother-you probably can't afford it" look. TWICE. I hope some mad customer turns around and sticks one of those expensive pens into his ass. BLEAHS.

Still, this does not deter me from loving the brand. One day I'll be able to afford that dream *#%*)@$*% expensive ring although I'll be damn sure that when the day comes, I will wear my sloppiest clothes into the boutique, just to be able to swipe that smug look off the faces of whoever is serving me. No wonder people say Singapore shops have lousy service. Unless you're an angmoh, of course.

Pardon the expletives. That guy just got to me. Seriously. I hope he doesn't sell a thing for the entire time he works there. SmartASS.

2010-07-06T23:21:00.002+08:00

Randomness of the day:

Lessons officially started again today. Trying my best to focus and not end up in the state that I was for the P5,6 & 7 exams.

I decided. I agreed. Was I stupid? Maybe. Sad thing is, I never realise until too late. Oh nevermind.

I need to really go for my checkup.

I need a holiday. Bad.

So exhausted......

Emo. =(

Random-ing because I'm so lazy to phrase all my thoughts into sentences and paragraphs. Infer what you want from whatever I've posted. Been down in the dumps recently. Someone cheer me up. I'll love you for life. Aside from Dear, of course. xD

-=[JuStIcE?]=-

2010-07-06T23:20:00.002+08:00

I do not believe.

Education Flaws

2010-07-05T23:41:00.002+08:00

In school, they taught us how to speak good English and our Mother Tongue. They taught us how calculate complex algebras and draw perverted-looking graphs; to use a string to measure some geographic shit and remember how the Japanese tortured our grandparents and theirs.

Somewhere in the between all the academic and moral education, they forgot to tell us how unfair and thoroughly disheartening life can be.

2010-06-19T05:31:00.002+08:00

Just got home after watching the match between England and Algeria and boy, what another disappointment. This is the first time I'm truly watching the World Cup and it totally stinks bad! All the top class teams with the top class players are performing like they're playing for the 1st time whereas all the underdogs suddenly dominate the entire spotlight. What.the.bloody.fuck.

Even more pissed by the fact that I had to waste 10 minutes waiting for the Internet to finally connect. No idea whether its because of the laptop, of the distance between my room and where the modem/router is, or because Singtel just sucks.

Just to rant a little before I fall unconscious into my bed... I know my mom doesn't like me to come home this late, but seriously, get used to it! Its been what? Three years, and she's still nagging over the same thing everyday. Brr... Besides, World Cup only comes once every 4 years and I've been such a good girl for the past month. xD

Sometimes I just don't get what they want. Parents. They tell you that you're at a wise old age of 20 and expect so goddamn much from you, yet when it comes to situations where you want them to just leave you alone, they coddle you like some small kid. Contradicting and fucking annoying. Its like, you know, there's really no such thing as getting the best of both worlds. If you expect me to go out and work and support myself whereas everyone else is just having the party of their lives, then in turn, you can turn a blind eye to my late homecomings and other minor whatnots. Afterall, really, be glad your kid ain't some hardcore clubbing "chiongster" coming home nearly everyday reeking of alchohol while maxing out YOUR credit card.

People say its unfilial to talk about one's parents this way; that they just want what's best for me. All I can say in defence is that no one ever came and asked whether I thought this was the best for myself. I started working because this was simply what is expected of me, and because I would be going hungry if I didn't. There was never a choice of "Oh, let's find some part-time to do for the sake of it". Nope. No such luxury.

Don't tell me to stop whining about my circumstances. I don't really want to either, but I think its only fair trade that you leave me alone when I don't bother you. $20 after the last day of O levels, I've never again opened my mouth to ask for allowance. Even when the going was tough, I just had to grit my teeth and bear with it. I'm not privileged enough to juggle an existing social life, so at least grant me the right for this bit of freedom.

Sometimes I think it'd really be better not to have to be alive and struggle through all these obstacles. I'm not suicidal; I just feel really tired and burnt out. Sometimes I feel so frustrated I just wanna scream and keep on screaming, and perhaps smash my fists into a few walls while I'm at it. Violent tendencies. Oh YES. I feel like a 20 year old trapped in a fucking 30 year old body. Or is it the other way round? Too tired to think.

Really gonna start writing soon. I've got to convert all that pent up frustration into some other form of literary expression or I'll be blogging the same stuff for the next millennium, and even I shudder to think of that.

-=[The Best & The Worst]=-

2010-06-15T14:05:00.000+08:00

There are just some things in this that can bring out both the best and the worst in people.

For me, a simple thing like taking public transport can be either a very enjoyable journey when the ride is smooth, I've music to listen to or a book to read, and there are no annoying people, or it can turn me into a pissed-off bitch with all the squeezing and smelly odours floating around.

The World Cup is here and this year, more than any other previous years, you've got more people watching the matches at McDonalds and the few selected community centres since the subscription fees are so high. And when more of something is really never a good thing.

At McDonalds, you get inconsiderate fuckers who somehow manage to position themselves (standing) exactly where their heads will block three-quarters of the screen, and still manage to look perfectly incredulous when you politely ask them to ~~fuck~~ move off.

People also don't seem to understand that it is only basic courtesy to at least get a drink or something when you occupy such a huge table for anywhere between 2 to 5 hours at one shot. Don't sit there for the entire duration empty-handed when they're kind enough to let you watch your favourite sport.

Absolutely hate such retarded people.

To be honest, I'm not a die-hard soccer fan- I won't die without catching Man U vs Liverpool- but when countries compete for the same trophy, it somehow makes the entire 'competition' much more interesting. During the UEFA Euro Cup 2 years back, I stayed out late nearly every night to watch the matches, but when EPL rolled around, I just wasn't that bothered except to catch a few Arsenal matches. Then World Cup came, and I've started staying out late again. Pity I've got to work full time now, and can't afford the late nights. Boohoo.

~*~

Just finished reading Xiaxue's blog. http://xiaxue.blogspot.com/2010/06/gay-conversion.html

I've mentioned this before I think, but somehow people just cannot seem to get it that gays don't choose to be that way. Who the hell would choose to be despised and rejected by society on purpose? Siao ah?

I don't remember ever bothering much about whether they chose to be gay or not, even before I found out the truth, but I've never understood why people cannot all these so-called "freaks". Just because its not a =o match does not make it a sin or a crime. Weirdly, even after this fact has undergone scientific studies and yielded quite significant results, people still don't get it. For a wonderful example, just look at our lovely legal system.

There are people around me whom I suspect are gay but are still in the closet. Haha.

But somehow I observe that lesbians are kinda more accepted than gays. People hardly bat an eye an lesbian couples cuddling each other but when gay couples so much as move slightly too close together, brows get raised and the whispering starts. What the heck.

Alright. Time to do a little packing up. I specially took half a day off just to go to the clinic to get an injection. Hopefully it will stop all those itchy, mosquito-bite looking lumps to stop popping up. Anything that will work, I will try. Haha. Ironically, I've still not called KK to rebook that appointment I missed that year, even though everyone's been nagging me about it for months. Procrastination. Yep, that's me. =)

-=[]=-

2010-06-05T00:50:00.004+08:00

Exams start immediately after this weekend. I'm nervous. So very very nervous. The kind of feeling is comparable to O levels, and it totally sucks. Because O levels end after 2 weeks of continuous exams whereas CAT & ACCA exams happen every 6 months. Shucks.

I suppose I really should be studying, but my head is so crammed with costing and performance measurements and all that shit that I'm really exhausted. Revision for today involved a lot of crazy mutterings to myself as I tried unsuccessfully to figure out why I had to divide by 10,000 units for a certain question. Hmph!!

Today while on the way to work, one of the mandarin radio stations was doing this segment that discussed customer service levels in Singapore as well as basic courtesy between people. They accepted call-ins and you got the usual complaints like fucked-up drivers, uneducated RUDE people and all the what-nots.

IMO? I think none of us have the right to call in and complain. I can rattle on and on for probably HOURS about all the ugliness and rudeness of fellow Singaporeans, be it on the road, at public places, or even on the Internet. But if you really wanna nitpick, what right do I have to do so?

I don't really approve of the aunties rushing for seats on buses and MRTs, but I sometimes still try to be the first to board, although I don't literally plaster myself to the doors in MRT stations, like some people do. I'm not beyond "chopping" seats at foodcourts or coffeeshops, although not that stupid as to use things like tissue paper.

I absolutely HATE people who walk and walk and suddenly stop. Liken it to a scenario on the road where a car on the highway suddenly hits the brakes. What do you get? Chain accidents, that's what. And that is exactly what happens when people just stop in the midst of walking, without any awareness to the people who may behind them. Bloody irritating, I tell you. But still, sometimes, not very often, really, I still do that. For what, I can't remember. But I have recollections of doing so.

To cut a really long and boring old grandmother story short, I'm not flawless and not without my faults too. I think this goes for each and every single individual person, not just Singaporeans or people from any specific nationality, but every single human being that exists on this Earth.

Instead of complaining about all those ugly things we see, making such huge efforts to call in to radio stations or newspapers or to the police to complain about so much shit, perhaps what we all need is a little bit of self-reflection. If everyone could use all the time we spend complaining and bitching about the irritating, annoying habits of others on self-reflecting about our own irritating and annoying habits, I think the world would be a wonderful place indeed.

But as we all know, saying is so so SO much easier than doing. And let's be honest. We all LOVE bitching sessions. Yes. Even the men. They try to act cool and give the "I-don't-care" attitude, but they're just as much a sucker for gossip as women are. They're just better at concealing it. No. Women are more honest with their true feelings. xD

Bitching sessions. There is just something extremely satisfying about ranting on and on about some person or persons whom we dislike or have some horrifying habit to nitpick on. Its like how chocolate and sex triggers all the happy glands in our system. Oops. Too much of Barbara & Allan Pease (recommend Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love. Lovely book to discover about the sexes).

I think I need to do quite a lot of self-reflection. And more than that, I need to do implement a lot of changes to my entire self. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I'm setting the period immediately after exams to start a brand new lifestyle, which is gonna include more self-motivation and discipline as well as to start learning how to build my confidence and stop being the emo "blame-it-all-on-me" kiddo.

Somehow, I've just got to learn to halt those tendencies to blame myself for everything. Its making my whole mental and emotional side unhealthily unbalanced.

Hopefully this time it just might work.

Wish me luck! =)

2010-05-24T00:18:00.002+08:00

Exams are coming in 3 weeks' time and I am so NOT prepared. Its like a repeat of my O level maths, just that instead of one subject to mug for, I've got 3 frigging papers to study this time round. The last time I sat for an exam was nearly 3 years ago during my poly days. I can't believe I'll be going through the same old nerve-wrecking routine all over again!!!

Remember a few entries back when I said I've been in a reading frenzy? Well, I still am. And I must say I'm pretty surprised myself too. This is probably the 1st time ever that I've had such a long bout of R.F and over time, instead of waning, its becoming stronger and stronger to the point whereby if I don't have anything to read for even a day, I feel uneasy. Weird or what? Well anyway, if you've got books that you think are interesting, please recommend, because I'm running out of titles from my favourite authors. I'm not choosy about the genre, just as long as the plot is catching, I'm fine with it.

Also, lately, I've been taking the time and effort to pay special attention to the kind of descriptions and words these authors use, even to the point of jotting them down, and in some cases, checking out the meanings. Its always been a dream to do a bit of writing on my own and I'd like to give it a try some time soon. Perhaps when I have more time after my exams. In the meantime, I'm still trying my best to pick up tips by reading books from my favourite authors, who in my opinion, write beautifully. Especially Jodi Picoult. I can never get enough of her books.

~*~

Can someone please teach me how to enforce self-discipline? Somehow, no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep myself in check. I swear, procrastination has got to be my middle name or something. For some unexplainable reason, the goals I set are seldom or never met, be it for my studies, for my finances, for my own personal ideas, for my LIFE. Either they get postponed or it all just never amounts to anything. And when it happens, I just get more stressed up and pissed at myself. Even if really, sometimes, certain factors are out of my control, I still can't help feeling frustrated. And the thing with me is, I'm in love with self-blame or something. I don't think I've even been truly angry or pissed at anyone else other than Dear. And he's a different entity altogether. xD

The thing is, when things go wrong or don't go according to the way I planned/envisioned them to be, I start blaming myself. Its all my fault, for being stupid, for not being good enough. When I quarrel with my parents, a while later I start feeling sorry for them and its my fault I'm not independent enough. When people step all over me, its my fault that I let it happen. Yes, I know this is probably unhealthy but somehow I just can't seem to stop.

Sometimes I'm so frustrated with myself I just wanna give up and let go of everything. No more goal-setting-what for? when almost none of them ever bear fruit? Don't bother continuing to study-really, can you imagine me being some sort of Finance Director shit? Its probably wrong and bad for me to think that way, but I somehow I can't help but envy those people who have their lives so easy. Want language lessons? Papa's here. Want branded clothes? Here, use Mama's credit card.

I know I know I SO know the entire concept of bitter before sweet, but that's a mantra that gets harder and harder to keep up with as the days go by. People say life is a road full of bumps. Wherever there is down, there will also be an up. Yet why do I feel like I'm constantly stuck in the down side? Can someone please knock me out cold or just do something to help me stem this barrage of negativity????

Oh and, the last thing I really need to address before I hightail it to Slumberland: I don't understand people who make such a huge case against me, or any other female for that matter, for being rough or uncouth. I'm not, never have been and never have said that I'm missish, or even tried to act thus. In fact, I unabashedly admit that I am clumsy, loudmouthed, and have quite a penchant for swearing. I do try to restrain myself during work or when I'm with people I don't know very well, but sometimes, the occasional slipups do happen. I'm actually trying to curb this habit, but I don't think I'll ever be able to truly get rid of it. And I honestly DO NOT THINK that just because I'm a girl, I should be prohibited from swearing, or that I should be all demure and gentle shit. I could never ever be that, even minus the shit part. =P

2010-05-10T00:01:00.002+08:00

I'm starting to get restless again...

Spent Saturday night throwing childish tantrums at Dear because I was so bored and couldn't think of anything else to do. Haha~

On the spur of the moment, I decided to go and re-contract my phone today, and now I've officially switched to the iPhone. Not feeling particularly excited though, because its definitely not the phone of my 1st choice. Its all just for the Ping application. =(

Also bought a pair of Nike shoes and a jacket. I'm so dreading the credit card bill for next month. June is also the month where Dear and I will be clearing all our debts and also incurring new ones.

I've decided that I want to sell my desktop and switch to a laptop instead, because its always been an obsession of mine to truly own the stuff I use. I want the lappy to be something that only I will have access to, so that I can store my private stuff inside and not worry about having people pry into my affairs. Also because I don't need such a good desktop when all I do is surf the net and watch dramas. I'm gonna discuss this with my Sis and see how it goes.

I've recently started going back to Winglin to read the fanfics because even Facebook is getting boring. As always, whenever I get too engrossed by the stories, I become trapped in this trance-like state whereby real life feels surreal. It only lasts for the whole of 10 minutes but sometimes its all that I need to take a break from real life. I spent this entire weekend finishing up 20 episodes of Meteor Garden by skipping all the boring parts (a.k.a only watching the sweet, funny and romantic parts). Its stuff like all these, plus the shitload of music in my iPod that keeps me sane and stops me from being constantly in a pissed and frustrated mood. Don't ask me what's the matter, because seriously, I don't know either.

Hitting the gym again tomorrow with Dear, hoping to work all that restlessness off. Hope it works. Hope work goes smooth without a hitch. Hope time passes fast enough for the next payday (xD). Hope I won't be tossing and turning in bed again tonight. Sweet dreams~!

2010-04-19T17:03:00.004+08:00

I think I can finally understand why women choose to remain in abusive relationships. Why they take each beating in stride and still believe that everything is going to be fine. Because sometimes, that belief is probably the only thing that keeps them sane.

Don't misunderstand. Dear treats me wonderful. Its just me. Me and my stupidity.

I just HATE HATE HATE that I can never control my emotions right. When I'm angry and frustrated, I CRY. Yes. I FUCKING CRY. Can you believe that? I mean, ME? Do I look like that kind of helpless and stupid girl? HECK. How could I possibly LOOK helpless?

Sometimes I wish I could be cold and removed and detached. A bitch, in short. Sure people argue that bitches get hated by people. But if you're a bitch you probably already don't care about that fact. And its so much better than caring and caring. Than having to cater to everyone's emotions. Like who is going to cater to mine? I'm laughing and sneering so hard at myself my insides hurt.

But somehow I just can't help myself. Dear tells me I have to stop being so fucking naive about the world. He tells me I've got to change my way of thinking, my character, if I want to make something out of myself. I know. I fucking KNOW. But I don't know just how to do that.

I wish I knew how to stand up for myself instead of letting everyone trample on me and still smile at them. I wish I could learn to say no when people ask me to do favours for them, no matter how big or how small. I wish I could stare *him* down and tell him to call my name and look at me when he talks to me, instead of trying so fucking hard to pretend I don't exist. I wish I knew how to be stern instead of worrying about hurting everyone's feelings. I wish I was made of much stronger stuff than I am now, and I wish I would just stop crying. Each time I do, I hate myself just a bit more. And that hate level in me is already very high as of this very moment.

But if wishes were a dime a dozen, I'd be pretty fucking rich. That's probably why rich people don't tell you "I wish".

And since I've bitched so much today, I might as well just pour everything out.

That day while talking to Vincent on MSN, I tried to console him because he sounded so depressed. Yet all the time I was laughing at the irony. ME. Actually counseling someone when I'm such a huge fucking mess myself? Who am I trying to kid? I'm the LAST person in this world to have the rights to be counseling people.

Over the years, the only person that has kept me going is Dear. Not trying to sound corny or whatever, but sometimes I really wonder. If I hadn't met him, and we hadn't gotten together, where'd I be now? Over those years when I did so many stupid things, no one ever succeeded in trying to pull me back, until Dear came along and I finally listened and stopped. But what if he hadn't come along? Seriously, where'd I be? Its not a very nice thought, but it's been nagging at me for quite some time now, and especially at times when I'm feeling down down down.

And sometimes I think it'd actually have been better if he hadn't come along. Because then I wouldn't have anything or anyone pulling me back.

All that shit about loving myself a little bit more? Just didn't work.

There was even one point of time when I told Dear that maybe I shouldn't bother wasting time and money furthering my studies. Not because I don't have the enthusiasm to study anymore, but because I was really afraid I wouldn't be able to put all the education to good use. I mean, can you really imagine me in a superior position? I can't.

But fine. I've decided I'll continue studying.

I've got no idea whether its stress or just PMS but I've been burying myself in my novels and music lately. In the past month I think I've gone through at least 2 dozen novels. Perhaps more. Its been such a long time since I've thrown myself into such a reading frenzy and this is the longest its ever lasted. I don't know whether its a good or bad thing, but the books have been truly awesome. I love Christina Dodd's new series. All of them. Sure, its all about romance, but there's also mystery and thriller parts. People should stop looking down on girls who read romance just like how gamers don't deserved to be sneered at having such "childish" pasttimes. FYI. Most games out there require you to strategise and utilise your brain cells more than all those so called "adult" pasttimes. And nope, I don't mean porn.

I'd really love to continue bitching but I've got to force myself to start wrapping and sending out the stuff my sister's customers bought or I'll never get to bed. Really can't wait until the 30th to meet up with Xiaohui and company but I hope Yuu doesn't start her "You've got depression" shit again. No offense but unless you've been officially certified and have truly examined me as your patient, you've got no right to "diagnose" me, even if yes, I do feel depressed. BOO.

2010-03-24T23:10:00.002+08:00

I just deleted off the whole chunk of what I'd been typing for the past one hour.

I simply have no idea why I always get so distracted when I'm blogging and it results in seriously crappy content. Even though I have a very clear outline of what I want to say, it still comes out as crap. And its the same when I try to put my story ideas into words. Seriously! How I ever passed my English compositions is beyond me.

I don't believe things like writing can actually be thought, but neither do I believe that I cannot write. Yet somehow I just can't manage to phrase my sentences and words the way I want them to be. DAMN FRUSTRATING!

By the way, I just read Xiaxue's blog. KNN that woman has got everything man! Merely ROM also got sponsor. Somemore all the stuff ain't cheap okay! Yeah I'm SO mad jealous because I'd love to get sponsored and save all that few thousands too!

Food for thought: Why are the already rich people (a.k.a celebrities) being sponsored while the already poor still have to pay for every single damned thing? Precisely they're rich, they can AFFORD to be paying for whatever they want. Its the POOR who needs all these freebies sponsors lor! People like me! AHEM. xD

Totally random: Today while sms-ing Dear, I told him my ambition is to become a housewife. We started discussing terms and I have decided he shall have to give me a $2k allowance per month just to cook dinner and massage for him. 5 day week. xDDD

And for umpteenth time, can someone really go and invent the Pensieve? I need a way to get all that gazillion chunk of random thoughts and memories out of my brain to clear space!

Alright! Off to watch one episode of 宮心計 and then bedtime.

P.S. No idea why I'm so 'high' today. =(

-=Relief=-

2010-03-19T09:08:00.002+08:00

Blogging out that whole chunk of shit really made me feel better, but I think it's gonna be the last time I do this kind of things. Somehow it just doesn't feel normal to be sharing so many private affairs on a public blog.

Oh, and I wish Yuu would stop trying to talk to me from a psychologist POV. Fine. I know you work in IMH and everything. But I'm your friend, not your patient. Besides, I don't think doctors would advise drugs unless its a very severe case and I don't think I'm there yet. Not everything can be solved by a prescription of pills.

Back to work with another wave of enthusiasm, and also trying to be a lot more careful. And also trying and trying to plan for a little getaway sometime end year or next. Hope we'll have enough money, xD

-=[RANT]=-

2010-03-16T00:07:00.005+08:00

Saturday's gathering with TKDJ people was fun and really brought back a lot of good memories. Most significant was when Ricky commented that I'm still the same, after I made a sarcastic comment. Weird thing is, I didn't even mean to be sarcastic, neither did I realise until he made that comment.

And then it struck me that I really did miss that loud, sarcastic side of me.

Ever since starting work, its been a long while since I've been able to unleash that part of my character, and I kinda miss it, even though I know some people actually hate my sarcasm. Heh heh~

Anyway, after much manipulation on my part, dinner was finally fixed at Benten and I finally got to try HUMONGOUS ice-cream. Our table actually ordered 2 of it and the table of Caucasians sitting outside was actually looking in with jaw-dropping expressions on their face. Damn funny! The food there was pretty great, but I didn't like my pasta 'cuz it was too dry. Dear's baked rice tasted fantastic though, and some of the other TKDJ peeps got pretty decent looking food too. I'm definitely going back to try their combo sets and that Chocolate Banana Parfait.

~*~

Been having some work-related cock-ups lately and I've been feeling really drained. I've got no idea what to do, and my major concern is only that I don't end up dragging anyone else down with me.

And its during this period of time that I've realised what a huge coward I really am.

All I'd been wanting to do when it all started was to run away from everything. But there's just no way to run. I hate myself for being so damn weak; for not having the courage and the confidence to face the obstacles; for hating myself.

And yet at the same time, all I wished was that if the world really tumbled, no one else would be affected.

Dear kept telling me not to be stupid and shoulder everything myself, but I really can't see how not to. Isn't it my fault that I was too careless? Isn't it my fault that I didn't check properly? Isn't it my fault that it was my job to make sure that the item was supposed to be there and it wasn't?

Yet I really have no idea what I can do. I've tried and tried to recall, check and double-checked through all the documents I have on hand and even stared at the MYOB screen until I saw stars and nothing just falls into place! And then I just hate myself even more.

Again I feel this urge to run. To hurry up and sort out this mess and then run as far away as possible. But where can I run to? Even if I can escape once, what if it happens again? Why can't I be brave enough to face this obstacle and tell myself I'll do better next time? But what if I don't do better next time? Then what?

Today I told Dear that I so want to take a break from working, and he asked me "Why? Your job isn't all that stressful." And I don't blame him really. Because I know I'm just looking for an excuse to shrink into my shell and hide there until I feel better. And because we both know that once we started, the option of not working ceased to exist. Can you imagine either of our parents supporting us? NO.

And oh how I hate that fact. The effing fact that both of us cannot afford to stop working, and probably will never afford to do so until decades down the road. I think I can finally understand how my Sis felt when her business was going through a down period. Because when you smile at the world and you're proud of yourself for being independent, after awhile everyone expects it of you and from then on, you can never look back.

Dear keeps telling me to try and relax; be more laid-back. But I'm suffocating myself with pressure. To hurry up and complete my studies. To prove to the world that I can make the ACCA cut. To move on and truly establish a career. During one of the CNY days, while on the way home from visiting, my dad said to me "I'm retiring after you complete your ACCA. 3 years from now right?"

And that merely added more stress.

I told my mom the other day that I might wanna take a break after I finish my CAT, and she didn't protest. But that would mean dragging my plans by another half a year, and I've gotten sick of back-shifting my plans all the time. Now, I don't know what to do.

I keep promising Dear to try and be more relaxed, but the fact is, I truly don't know how! I keep expecting more of myself and getting disappointed when I fail to achieve my expectations. And all that frustration is affecting my temper a lot.

People say that its best to go through the bitter part of life first and then slowly savour the sweetness of it later but I've never been a fan of bitter stuff.

Sometimes I wished I weren't such a sucker for detail; that I could stop my crazy obsession with planning far into the future. The more I plan, the more frustrated I get when my plans fail to meet. I can't tolerate even when just a tiny detail doesn't go accordingly and it scares me, because I know its mental to be this way.

Crystal once said, "I wish I could be like you. Then perhaps I wouldn't think so much, and I'd be less troubled." and all I was thinking was "If only you knew." Yeah. If only she knew.

Been clocking in only 4 hours or so of sleep this few weeks, because somehow, I just kept tossing and turning in bed. Blogging all that out made me feel so much better, but it still doesn't solve my current dilemma. Guess its time to take all that jumble of thoughts into bed again. Can I PLEASE have a wand and a Pensieve?!

P.S Maybe I should just go for a long long long jog.

......

Fine that was real lame. xD

-=[Random Updates x 100]=-

2010-02-27T00:13:00.003+08:00

Lots of updates, but all minor tidbits. I'm so used to the Facebook status thingy that I find myself thinking in short sentences. Lol~

Going through a pretty down period these few days. Not that kind of period lah. Just very frustrated at myself for suddenly becoming so muddle-headed. Somehow, I keep losing, misplacing and forgetting things. Its like, almost everyday, there's bound to be one incident. So far, I have: lost 2 ez-link cards in 1 week (power right?), forgotten to bring my credit card out even after drilling my memory to remember, left my iPod on the marble countertop and have to double back home to get it, forgot to bring my wallet out and didn't realise it until I reached office, forgotten to bring my office keys, and blah blah blah. In fact, the whole list is so long that in the middle of typing, I actually forgot what I wanted to type and had to stare and the screen while trying to recall. Dementia at 20? Pathetic right?

I've got no idea whether its because I was so unused to not working for an entire week after so many months that my brains turned mushy and affected my memory bank, or whether there's something wrong with my head, but its effing frustrating. Especially since I used to pride myself on my "quite-good" memory. At this rate, I won't be surprised if one day I wake up to find that I've forgotten who I am. Need to exercise my brain!!!

Long day of lesson tomorrow. From 10am to 5pm with only one hour of break. Wonder if NTUC income will count in these extra hours of catch-up classes. My entire March schedule is filled with lessons, even my weekends. Just when Dear finally won't be so busy with work. Urgh~!

Hoping to squeeze in a short holiday to Genting within the next 2 months and aiming for Hongkong end year. Keke. I know I keep talking about going overseas but nothing ever comes out of it, and that's because our budget is simply too tight for such huge expenses. Hopefully things will get better this year. =)

Going shopping for clothes again tomorrow, and also to get some stuff from Body Shop with my Sis. For some reason, now I'm totally hooked on Body Shop stuff. I don't use them much, but I like the smells. Have I mentioned that I used to HATE the smells? Yup, I have.

The Japanese Cherry Blossom series is my absolute favourite! Wonder if they have hand cream for that series. So busy checking out the body gel that I forgot about hand cream. xD

By the way, my Sis is selling Body Shop products at really cheap prices so if you're interested, send me an e-mail or something. I can't say how she does it, but some of the stuff she's selling is really way lower than what you get in the shops.

Alright then. Off to continue watching Hi! My Sweetheart. xD

-=[TiMe]=-

2010-02-19T04:46:00.002+08:00

TIME is truly such a scary thing. Last Friday I was still in the office and so excited about the upcoming break and today, its Friday morning. YES! One week flew past just like that. I did NOTHING on my agenda. I thought I had a whole week to slowly put in some revision for my CAT but I haven't even touched my books. And because of that, I'm getting scared and so I'll be a good girl today and go for lesson. In fact, one of my Goals of the Month for March is to NOT skip any lessons. LOL.

I've been telling the people around me that this week feels as though its unreal. You know, like as though I've missed a whole week of my life even though I'm still living it. I mean, after 9 months of stepping into the office for 5 days a week-except for public holidays, which even then were only 1 or 2 days, suddenly a whole week of not even going near Ubi area feels like, IS THIS A DREAM?

Okay lah fine. We did drive near my office area on the first day of CNY, but that was only because my grandfather's place is nearby.

And speaking of CNY, this year was really pretty slack. The whole family basically nua-ed at home until like, close to dinner time before going to my grandfather's place and then after that, my 8th aunt's place at Punggol. On the second day, I went down to Yishun to meet Dear because he complained that he was dying of boredom, and we watched 72 Tenants of Prosperity. Its a really good comedy and the cast is really WOW. Too bad Kevin Cheng appeared for only like what? 5 seconds? Seriously... Why did he even bother taking the time out to act in the movie?!?!?! =.="

Spent the evening part of Day 2 at my 5th aunt's house and Day 3 at home because my relatives came over. And SHIT I totally can't remember what I did for the first part of Day 3. I know I went out and met Dear, but I can't recall what we did. Haha. Amnesia is setting in~ Or is it dementia?

Oops... I remember now. We went to buy my planner at Century Square and basically just walked around the two malls for 2 hours. Heh heh. Oh, don't laugh at me for buying my planner when February is already gonna end soon. I wanted to buy it since last year, but I was broke at that time and kept putting it off until now. Unluckily, Lovely Land doesn't have the smaller size one anymore and I ended up getting the big one. Cost me $28. Hello Kitty design some more. LOL. Because it was either that or Kiki & Lala. ...... AHEM.

Um... No I didn't purposely leave out Reunion Dinner Day. I'm still trying to forget the horrible part of the day. The part where we had reunion "I-don't-know-what-meal" at Dear's house. I know its probably not Dear's fault, but just thinking about it makes me so indignant with anger that I just wanna lash out at him.

To cut a long story short, I had to eat with someone whom I did not want to see. Someone who, in my opinion, has got no relation or any sort of contribution to their family. And the worse part is, Dear and I had to wait for that big shot for 2 fucking hours, whereby a 2pm lunch turned into a 4pm "drink-some-soup-and-rush-off" session for me, because I had to rush to my grandfather's house for dinner.

I really don't know who to pinpoint the blame on, but I'm just steaming with anger every time I think about it. And NO I don't think its a matter of me being jealous or ungenerous, because its not Dear I'm angry at. I just think that 1. its very disrespectful to me and 2. if you're going to have to make us wait, at least let me know in advance. Not wake up from our nap and go WTF?! Its nearly 4pm and his parents are not back, then suddenly the main door opens and there's this 3rd voice. Can't be Sheltie right?!

I guess precisely because I can't direct my anger at his parents, at her or at Dear himself, that why all the frustration is building up and making me very "pek chek". I don't know. All I can say is, if this were to happen to you, how would you feel? Tell me how understanding you can be if it happens for the 2nd year in a row. And that doesn't even include the other stuffs outside CNY.

Good thing I'm meeting Simin and Xiaohui for Kbox on Saturday. Let off all that steam through the mike and maybe add in a huge bitching session over kopitiam beer after that. =P

And yeah well, right now I really oughta go to sleep. Its nearing my mom's wake up time. Crazy or what huh? I can't even start to imagine how I'm going to re-adapt to office hours next week. Hate my lousy bio-clock. HATE! Good ~~night~~ morning.

P.S. Sorry my entry started with such a neutral tone yet ended so angrily. Still trying to calm down. Haha. xD

2010-02-10T16:43:00.002+08:00

My mom finally finished baking the pineapple tarts~!!! YumZ~

Brought a box to the office today and a box for Crystal. Don't think my colleagues liked them much though. Makes me kinda regret even bothering to bring. But oh well. You don't learn until you try it once right?

Been feeling a little down this past few days. I'm not whining! Its just that my mood hasn't been all that good. Don't know why either. I was so looking forward to the CNY break but now that its coming near, I kinda dread it. Supposedly we won't be celebrating this year; supposedly no house visits no nothing. But you know how sometimes its SUPPOSED to be but ends up another way? I don't exactly relish sitting through a week of mindless gossip, of putting up with the fake smiles, of the prying eyes and questions. I just want to stay home and be left alone, and I hope I can.

-=[GAP Clothes]=-

2010-02-05T10:17:00.003+08:00

I finally collected my order from O.N & Piperlime yesterday! The queue at the Singapore Post Centre was frickin' long and their customer service sucked like hell, but I'm just happy because everything fit beautifully. And with this order, I have a whole muthafookin' load of clothes for CNY this year!

What I've bought so far:

3 pairs of jeans
1 pair of work pants
2 dresses
1 skirt
1 pair of boots
1 pair of ballet flats
and 3 tops bought for me by my Mommy~

Still planning to get a few more tops and one or two belts to go with my dresses.

And you know, the most ironic thing is that I can't even celebrate CNY this year! Lol~ Because my grandmother's D.O.D hasn't reached a year. Or something like that. So no ang paos this year. =(

However, I've already planned my next order. Just waiting for money to be stable and I'll put in the order, which will probably come up close to SGD$400. Keke~ Don't know whether Dear will KP me or not~ T.T! If only I could go down to U.S to buy instead... xD~

By the way, this order I just received was shipped through VPost and DAMN its expensive! I had to pay $75 for the shipping and that was after discount. What the bloody fuck right?! Guess next time I better go through Borderlinx again...

Sorry for rambling on and on about my clothes... On to a new topic!

I've been wondering whether I should revamp my blog layout. I love my current layout, and its the best I've come across/used so far, because of its simple theme, but having used the same layout for so long feels a little boring. And yet, its not easy to find another layout that I'd love as much as this current one. 矛盾 ah~!

Looking forward to CNY so that I can use the one week's break to recharge my energy. Not going overseas or anywhere else for that matter. Perhaps some meet-ups with Dear and that's all. The rest of the days shall be spent SLEEPING. 4.5 more work days to go~!

-=[WiLd NiGhT]=-

2010-02-01T00:10:00.003+08:00

Just a short update before I go to bed; weekends pass so damn fast that I don't even feel like I've rested enough! =P

Kbox-ed with Gabby, Elle, and QR & gang yesterday. I think its been almost 2 years since I've seen the latter, and it was super weird mixing them with Gabby and Elle, especially since I'd never seen G before yesterday and had only met Elle once before. Haha~ My singing sucked so bad that my confidence dropped another level. But overall, it was fun. Didn't expect Gabby to be so hyper. LOL.

Dinner at Empire State (Iluma) was pretty yummy, but I don't think its something that will keep me going back for more. After dinner, we went to explore Mushroom and I coincidentally bumped into Yuu standing at the Customer Service counter complaining to Eloise about the Bounce incident. Apparently she's not satisfied with their response, and apparently their second visit to Bounce ended up with the same kind of unhappiness. Seriously? I think they should just close down the damn bloody restaurant and be done with it.

Anyway, exchanged some of my tickets for a cushion and a soft toy and then Taiko-ed the rest of the night with Yuu. Haven't played so much for a long time, and my Taiko skills have deteriorated like hell. Suddenly Dear's bachi feels too heavy and my wrists hurt after playing too much.

Somehow I managed to psycho Yuu to go to that Thai disco where ZH works at, 'cuz QR & the rest wanted to go visit him at work. Dear was quite angry at me, because he doesn't like me to go to such places. And honestly speaking, that was my first and last time ever stepping into such places. The "BOM BOM BOM" music made my head throb and combined with the effects of the alcohol, I got damn sleepy. I gotta say though, the Martell was nice.

Reached home at 3am, and I had to wash my hair because it was stinking from all that cigarette smoke. URGH! I frickin' HATE smokers!!! The cold water helped to clear my head a little, but I still KO-ed the moment I fell into bed. I guess that clubbing's really not my thing. Not the kind of world I'd fit into. I haven't yet been to major places like Zouk and all, and I wouldn't mind visiting them once to see how the places are like, but definitely NO hardcore partying for me. I think I prefer Seven for its quieter atmosphere even though its NOT supposed to be quiet. xD

Oh oh oh! Not forgetting to mention that I found out that Van actually worked for Schneider just awhile back while Water is currently working for ABB. FYI, Schneider is our "supplier" while ABB is Schneider's rival. What an amazing coincidence~! LOL~

Today was a relatively mild day compared to yesterday. Dear and I spent the whole day at home watching Pokemon (XD!!) and napping the afternoon away. And he finally agreed to buy something for me next month. MUAHAHAHA~! He makes me feel bad for pestering him all the time, but I don't care. I've got his promise and I'm gonna hold him to it. xD!!

I apologise for the long and boring update, even I thought to keep it short. Well, I'm signing off now. Doing some reading before I turn in for the night.
Sweet dreams world~! =)

-=[KEVIN CHENG!!!]=-

2010-01-26T23:55:00.003+08:00

Haven't updated for some time now, but there's really nothing interesting lately.

I'm most probably getting the iPhone afterall.

Yeah, go ahead and laugh.

HA-HA-HA.

Funny meh?

I know I swore I wouldn't get it EVER, but I gotta think for Dear's hp bill more than anything. So there. Still aiming for Lollipop though, so maybe 2 phones. =P I know I'm such a spendthrift. Shoot me.

Kbox this Saturday. Like, FINALLY! After so damn freaking long... Surprisingly, its going to be with QR, Elle and Gabby. The weirdest mix ever, considering the 3 of them actually don't know each other. LOL. Hope there aren't any cancellations. Going to get jeans from DP in the morning first.

Read through the past few months of my entries and I can't believe how much I've been whining. Perhaps because I was feeling so stressed out and all that I didn't realise, but now I do, and I've really got to stop.

No yeah. I'll try to keep the complaints down, even though I still got to reiterate that this is my effing blog and I'm not obliged to follow any set of rules. =P!

Alright! Off to continue watching TVB dramas.

And here's the reason why I became hooked onto HK dramas:

Handsome not?????? You say no, I'll SLAP you.

I don't deny I'm VERY outdated. He's been popular in HK for years and I've only recently realised who he is. A few months ago, you tell me Kevin Cheng and I'd have given you a "HUH?!" face. Somehow, its friggin' difficult to find glam photos of him, but I think this one will suffice. Off to ogle him on the TV screen! =P

-=[Indecisive]=-

2010-01-17T02:04:00.002+08:00

The time's come to decide on which handphone I wanna switch to, but for some reason, I just can't decide! Initially I wanted the Aino very much, but after testing and re-testing both the live and dummy sets, I find that I don't really want it that much after all.

Not to mention that I've suddenly developed this distaste for smartphones. Or rather, I just find it not very practical to spend that kind of money. I mean, I've got an iPod Touch for my music and videos, a tablet PC for both that AND to surf the net, and a DS to game on, so I don't really need anything else except for the basic functions of a phone. Maybe a decent camera would be nice, but I'm looking to get the Olympus E-Pen, so I can forgo that on a phone.

Currently, I'm setting my sights on the LG Lollipop, but its not due to be released in SG yet. Will be, but not just yet. Which means I've got to wait. And then wait some more for the price to go down. Drat....

So anyways, let's leave that aside. Things are gonna work out somehow.

Life's been pretty boring. Waiting impatiently for payday 'cause I've got some outstanding bills to settle, new phones to get and rebonding to do. Haha~ Dear's decided on the iPhone by the way. Was hoping we'd get the same phones again but I swore I would never get an iPhone so... Nada~

Somehow I keep going back to the topic on handphones. SO sickening of me right? xD Alright then... Off to watch POKEMON! Heh heh. Dinner with 5th aunt and family again tomorrow night. Another incredibly boring 2 hours to sit through. *Sighs*

-=[Addicted to Kevin Cheng]=-

2010-01-13T23:39:00.002+08:00

Am totally addicted to watching HK dramas for the time being. I'm SUPER outdated, 'cause I'm only watching the ones that have already aired YEARS ago. And I'm slowly picking a bit of Cantonese from there.

School's started and OMFG its DAMN shag. The time between knock off and the start of each lesson is just barely enough for me to reach school and grab some light dinner in between. And that is if I manage to hitch a ride from Simmy to Bedok MRT. But nevertheless, I'm determined to complete my entire CAT (exams included) by end of this year.

Had a quarrel with my dad yesterday night regarding my late nights out. Firstly, I seriously do not think I reach home all that late. Except for some weekends where I get home at close to 5am, the rest of that days I'm home by 12. I don't know lah, but I seriously think there's no big deal about it. Like come on lah... such a small thing and he makes such a big fuss. He should seriously thanks his gods that I'm not the kind of hardcore clubber. Sometimes parents should really learn to appreciate their kids. Sometimes I just wanna scream at them to open their fucking eyes before they start comparing their kids with others'. Geez...

So damn pissed that I'm not bothering to reply to their nonsense right now. Call me childish or whatever, but I don't feel like bothering to explain the facts to people who refuse to open their eyes or check their facts out before making random accusations. HATE BEING WRONGLY ACCUSED OF THINGS. Besides, it really doesn't bother me if you wanna sit there and wallow in unreasonable anger, so TA.

Off to finish watching Under the Canopy of Love. 2 more episodes and I can move on the to next series~!

-=[Emo]=-

2010-01-07T16:11:00.004+08:00

Was in super "emo" mood yesterday. I spent half the day reading the Flowerpod forums and I came to the very upsetting realisations that 1) getting married is an affair that will set you and your fiance back by like, close to $100k, and 2) that Mont Blanc ring I'm salivating after costs like $6-$7k. EMO!!! And apparently the current hot trend is for wedding couples to do their photo-shoots in Taiwan. Total turn-off. My old annoying trait is acting up again.

Before you ask, NO I'm not getting married lah. Just that I suddenly had this crazy obsession with Mont Blanc stuffs and while Googling for the estimated price of their rings, I came across this thread from Flowerpod and just kept reading on from there.

I'm STILL bent on getting that Mont Blanc ring though. Here's a picture of it:

Chio right?!?!?! There's another one with the gold band, like the one Chen Qiao En wore in Fated to Love You, but I think this is so much nicer.

Pardon all that gushing but I'm totally in love with all their stuffs. I'm dragging Dear down to their outlets at DFS Galleria/Changi Airport just to feast my eyes, even if I can never afford anything. Muahaha~

~*~

I've been racking my brains to come up with a nice sounding username for a new WordPress account, but to no avail. No, I'm not moving there, not for the time being. I still have no idea what I'm going to use that blog for but I just wanna create it first.

After calculating and re0calculating, I've decided that next week would be a safe time to put in my order at GAP and VS. One extravagrant splurge that shall last me until about... March? Keke. There's still this pair of really pretty boots I'm eyeing, but its bloody expensive. I really can't imagine shelling a hundred over dollars for a pair of shoes but I'm very tempted. xD

Ahh~ I want to continue blogging but its time to knock off! Just enough time for a toilet break and pack up! Bye all!!

-=Happy Belated New Year!=-

2010-01-02T12:04:00.003+08:00

Happy Belated New Year to everyone! xD

Am rushing through this blog entry 'cuz I'm meeting Dear at Iluma soon and I still have yet to bathe and change! Haha~

Finally, I can blog! Hurray! Because remember in my previous post I said I wouldn't be blogging until 2010? I wanted to stick to them so I had to let my fingers itch like crazy and not do anything!

The whole reason why my fingers were itching so bad was because one day after I did up my EOY, the news came that my funding has been APPROVED!!! Mwa-fucking-HAH! This means that I'm gonna save up more than 1k for my final level of CAT. Not including the training allowance and the NETF that I WILL get for sure because I won't let that slip out of my hands. *Dancing with happiness*

All in all, the new year kicked off to a pretty great start. Apart from my funding being approved, Dear's pay came in just in time for us to have a pretty good New Year's Day and we both went to pamper our hair yesterday. Haha. He dyed his while I did treatment. Too bad he had to go to work today.

I also have this really bad hunch that the cheque for my pay has bounced. Because its impossible that the cheque for my 13th month has cleared, but not the one for my pay, because the latter was dropped earlier! God knows how long I'm gonna have to wait for everything to be settled so I can be reissued with a new cheque, but the lucky thing is, Dear and I will be able to scrape through this month just fine. ^^

Alright, off to bathe now, even he hasn't called. BOO. Just go get ready first luh~ Happy new year once again!!

OH OH OH! Forgot to mention that Dear and I managed to catch the Marina fireworks!! From his house window. LOL. And the best thing is, we could also see the fireworks from another countdown place. I think it was Suntec or something. Doubly spectacular! Who says you have to go squeeze with the crazy crowd to enjoy New Year's? I enjoyed mine with my hubby~ xD

-=End Of Year Evaluation=-

2009-12-28T22:31:00.008+08:00

Okay I'm FINALLY gonna start doing my EOY. No idea why I'm so obsessed with it, but I guess its going to be useful in future when I read back and discover the things I did in the span of one year. Be prepared for a SUPER DUPER long entry today.

So to start...

In January, I finally started my CAT after an entire year of break from studying. Back then I was still at Zone X with all the cool peeps like Terry, Chu Bin, Jinwen, and so many others. It feels like such a long long time ago that I'm finding it hard that its actually less than a year ago! This was also the time when Dear and I started taking an avid interest in Taiko and spent a lot of time hanging out with Yuu and company. Haha~

February was relatively boring, except that I quit Zone X (fucked-up management), slacked around for a few weeks, during which I spent a lot of time with the aunties, playing mah-jong and all. Its weird how distant we are nowadays. Sad too. =( Its also too bad that I had to quit AFTER CNY. After putting up with those "oh-you-work-in-an-arcade" snide comments and side glances from my relatives during CNY. But the upside is, Valentine's Day made my pockets bulge happily. Also spent a huge portion of the month camping in A.M.K's McDonald's with Yuu, Dear, Xiaohui and Xiuhui doing nothing but chatting and laughing our asses off at all the randomest things.

I truly can't remember much of what I did in March. Was I jobless?!??! But no eh, I had tuition. What then? Damn! My memory is failing me badly. But I remember doing nothing very constructive for that month, because Dear kept nagging at me for being so free and partly also 'cause he was jealous of my freedom. Mwahahaha~!

Landed a part-time stint at Parc Lumiere as a showroom assistant in April. I still remember getting quite a few emails and MSN messages asking me about the availability of the units even though my job was just some insignificant assistant. Even though I only worked for 2 weeks, it was really fun, especially the first few busy and tiring days. Then the units sold out too damn quick and we got put out of the job which was actually supposed to last about a month or so. And I still continued to hang out with them Zone X peeps till the wee hours even though I had to report to work in the mornings. xD

May is a HUGE turning point in my life, because that's the point of time when I landed my current job at Interwell. I will never forget the very day that I got the call from the agent. It was my FIRST day of work at Robinson's for the pre-GSS period and during lunch time, I got a call from Diana, asking me to turn up for an interview at 11am the next day. Right after hanging up, I was so happy that I was literally jumping around. Until my right knee buckled under me and I couldn't stand up for quite a few minutes. And guess what? It happened right in the middle of Centrepoint's food court. I think it was a sprain, but a rather nasty one, because up till today, I'm still suffering the after effects. To cut a long story short, I got the job at Interwell, quit Robinson's and settled in to office life.

JUNE. My first month at a new job and I had to take leave for my appointment at KK and also for TKDJ's chalet. I remember having quite a hard time settling in, because there were just so many new things to learn, and I also had to adjust to waking up at 7am and sleeping by 12am. Something that I hadn't done since I graduated from Dunman. Crystal was very generous in teaching me all the ropes, but sometimes, I could feel her impatience and my self-confidence just plummeted down and down.

July rolled around damned fast and I got used to office lifestyle. Its like, all of a sudden, WHAT? I've been here for 2 months already?!?! And then there were the problems between Dear and I, and finally, the month concluded with the passing away of my paternal grandmother. I remember being at the funeral and hating all the fake-ness I was witnessing from my relatives. I still do. Hate the fake-ness, I mean.

Because of that, the first 2 weeks of August had me moving around in zombie mode. Damn shagged all the time, for no apparent reason, but Dear and I also made up. Took part in the 1st ever Taiko competition jointly organised by Arcadia and TKDJ, and also chiong-ed all 4 books of Romance of the Three Kingdoms. I know that certain post that I put up criticizing the way the competition was judged put some serious tear on the friendship between Yuu and me, but I strongly believe that I should stop being the friend whose always too timid to speak out. I no longer want to be the party who silently swallows all the unhappiness in the hopes that ignoring the problem will make it go away. Because things just don't work that way.

I had a stressful month in September, mainly because of our very unstable finances. Because of that, I kept venting my frustrations out on Dear (actually I still do lah, xD), who somehow managed to put up with all my nonsense. Haha.

Attended William's wedding dinner in October. Somehow everyone seemed to be getting married during that month because David & Vincent were both complaining over the number of ang paos they had to give that month. Haha. Went to Sentosa with some of the TKDJ peeps and burnt my face chao-ta. Dinner was some disastrous affair at Bounce; and I returned to office the next week to everyone asking about my face. So paiseh lah...

Last month-November, I turned 19. Nothing special to be happy or upset about. Its just another year. Peggy and Crystal got me book vouchers for my presents while Yuu and the rest were too busy with exams and their own stuffs to remember my birthday. Somehow, my relationship with her and TKDJ peeps just went downhill from there. But that aside, I had an entire week of peace when my family went off to Chiangmai to visit some relative's wedding dinner. I purposely wiggled out of that because I just didn't want to spend a week listening to my sister bragging to my relatives. Spent most of that one week at Dear's house and almost got addicted to waking up beside him each morning. Haha. Towards the end of the month, I got a new desktop and Dear also finally got his PS3~

In the blink of an eye, December is here and just like that, an entire year has gone past and in less than a week, it'll be the year of 2010! I'm not going to go into details of what I've been doing this past month because you can just scroll down and read the more recent entries.

To sum up 2009, there's been a lot of changes to my life. From "just some teenager working part-time in an arcade" to a full-time working adult. Okay fine. Maybe not that adult, but still~

Its hard to believe, really, that I've been with my company for 7 months already. It feels just like yesterday that I entered the office for the very first time. I know in the start William didn't like me very much because of some reason, but I'm glad that's over now. There are probably unspoken politics in the office; things that individuals know but will rather die than say them out loud,but I'm happy to say that the working relationship between me and my colleagues is at the very least, amicable.

Over the months, I've really learnt a lot of things, both work-related and outside of work. One of the most important things though, is that I now can truly say that I've managed to stop being so sensitive about how people feel towards me. I cannot make the whole world like me, but I can love myself, and by loving myself, I can make myself "un-touchable" by the unkind thoughts people think of me.

Another thing I wanna mention is that I'm actually kinda glad that Dear and I had that huge blowout way back in July. Because nowadays, I can actually feel that he loves me even more than he used to. Not trying to be mushy or something, but its true. From the way he gives in more regularly to me, to the way he's been very patient with me and my mood swings and my willfulness. ♥

I don't know what went wrong in the link between me and TKDJ. Maybe its was my problem, maybe it was theirs. But I'm not really that bothered to go in-depth because I'm really very tired of all this nonsense. No matter anyways, I've been visiting the forum very very seldom nowadays and I don't Taiko that much either. Mainly because the novelty has worn off, and also because I don't see the point in being so obsessed with it, like so many of the TKDJ peeps still are.

No I'm not saying all this because I'm angry or anything. I'm just making a statement, that's all. Ironically, I'd like to quote Yuu in that life is more than taiko; more than making it a must to be a Iluma every single week or die of Taiko withdrawal syndromes.

In about 3 days, the new year will come about, and everything of 2009 will be nothing but memories, be them good or bad. My resolutions for 2010 are simple: I just wanna stay happy, start having some savings, make a trip to Taiwan (changeable to other places depending on my mood), and have the year pass uneventfully. Hopefully when I'm doing my EOY for 2010, I'll still be at Interwell, my pay will be slightly higher, and I'll have completed my CAT. Sounds like a lot to ask for, but if you actually notice, all those are achievable. Except maybe for the uneventful part.

I can't control what's going to happen in the future, neither am I going to dwell on the unhappiness of the past. I have enough sweet memories to last me through my downs at present and I'm going to work hard, stay strong and create even better memories for 2010.

I probably won't be blogging again until after the first week of 2010 because I'll be spending the weekend at Dear's place. Happy New Year in advance to everyone and may all your dreams come true! =)

Last post of the year in my favourite colour~! HAHA! I've spent 2 hours on this post; I'm shagged and I want my bed! Goodnight 2009!~

-=[Back To Work]=-

2009-12-28T11:03:00.004+08:00

Back to work after such a long X'mas break. Slept like no tomorrow yesterday. Haha.

Pariss was yummy, but also saw a lot of kiasu behaviour. The moment the Chili Crab was served, there was this super long queue and people just kept heaping their plates to the max, uncaring of the fact that there are also other people wanting to taste the food as well. There was some Crocodile Meat Bak Kut Teh but no one seemed brave enough to try. Haha~ And for some reason, the drunken prawns were so very popular as well. I saw quite a lot of people piling their plates as though they've never eaten prawns before. Overall not too bad an experience, 'cause the food was pretty good except that the dessert sucked. I still prefer Grand Mercure. God, I can't get the taste of the Durian Paste out of my mind! =P

Been doing quite a lot of blog-hopping lately and it seems as though EVERYONE I know is doing hardcore partying and drinking on a frequent basis. I really don't understand what's so fun about getting high and wasted all the time, especially when its gonna destroy your health and make you look haggard years from now. For a great example, just take a look at Lindsay Lohan. Psh. I'm not taking digs at anyone okay, but I'm rather surprised that people like Dex who look so much like "Guai Kia" type can actually be so wild. Lol~ And duh... I'm not preaching or anything. I like alcohol too, just not THAT much.

Oh yeah, one more thing. For the past few months I've been reading all those bitchy status updates from my ex-poly mates groaning and moaning about how they can't wait for internship to end and each time I just wanna LAUGH at them. The whole point of an internship is for you gain experience in whatever field of study you're doing, but with the downside of a super meagre salary.

2 years ago, a lot of people laughed at me for dropping out of poly, but now I can laugh back at them because I'm gaining the same amount of experience as them, if not more, at like what? Twice their salary? Fine, you wanna also remind me that I won't get my CAT until NEXT YEAR, but that's because I've been taking my own sweet time, with an entire year of break in between.

And then I also wanna remind you that 4 years from now, I'm gonna graduate with my ACCA, including P1-P7, which is equivalent to a Master's. That on the same track as, if not faster than, everyone else in my year. Because if you calculate according to the usual track that people like to take, that's at least 3 years on a local university for a Bachelor's. Sure, its been pretty tough to work and study at the same time, but it just means I'm ahead of them in terms of work experience.

Read this and you wanna retort with something nasty? Look around the page. Do you realise there's no tagboard or any way to leave your stupid comments, unless you send me an email, which of course, I'm gonna delete? Yeah, hope you choke on that surge of frustration. *Evil grin*

Alright, I apologise for being on bitch-mode this morning. I'd like to reiterate that I'm not "shooting" any specific persons (if you FB people happen to read this); just being LOUD this morning. I think I'm still on the high of seeing Arsenal win 3-0 against Aston Villa in yesterday's match. Mwahahaha! Fabregas FTW!

Oh yay! Off to lunch!

Damn shit I haven't done my EOY yet. 3.5 more days left...

2009-12-24T10:51:00.000+08:00

Will not be going to Pariss for dinner on Boxing Day.

Because we'll be going tomorrow instead~ Muahahaha!

Lunch today at Grand Mercure Roxy was fabulous! I LOVE the durian paste. Definitely going back there again someday.

Just came back from watching Sherlock Holmes and its a GREAT movie! Not as awesome as Avatar of course, but still wonderful. Unlike many other mystery genre movies, they actually bother to explain every single detail. And its funny without being lame. I like how they think of all those twists and turns; super duper small details that we don't notice until they are explained. Just my cup of tea. ^^

Off to Tudou. Update again on my experience at Pariss tomorrow!

2009-12-23T14:32:00.002+08:00

So totally sick of doing quizzes right now. I think I've done like, at least 30 since this morning. Wahaha!

So anyway, my paycheck's gonna be withheld because my BIG boss is still away in Australia and god knows when he'll be back. Which means no money for Christmas, and possibly New Year too. How fucking wonderful. BLEAHS.

A lot of things seem to be going wrong for Christmas this year. I hope this isn't a sign that next year's gonna be a bad one.

Off to drown my sorrows in Ribena......

-=Crazy Rant=-

2009-12-21T15:49:00.004+08:00

HI~ Its me again! Do you think I'm blogging way too often? I think so too!!!

For some weird reason, I'm just fucking happy. Over nothing. Either I'm going crazy or the Christmas-sy spirit is getting to me. Haha!

Will most probably be spending Christmas with my family, but Dear and I have agreed to go for buffet at Paris on Boxing Day, and then watch Alvin & the Chipmunks 2 after that. Nothing very special, I know, but I don't need very much to make me happy. There's supposed to be something else on the agenda, but I forgot what. xD

I'm off to doodle out the general plot of the storyline I have in my mind, but I highly doubt that it will result in anything. I'm not going to start writing it until the day that I'm 100% positive I will be able to complete it, so this is probably just to pass time. Ciao~

2009-12-20T01:12:00.003+08:00

Avatar is truly AWESOME!!! I know I should probably stop gushing and telling the whole world about it, but I really can't refrain myself. The moment the movie ended, the whole cinema was applauding and I was telling myself that I'd totally wanna watch it again. Nevermind the fact that its FOURTEEN FREAKING DOLLARS for a ticket; I find it totally worth the money. Now Dear is laughing at me 'cause I'm the one who shrugged it off as some stupid alien movie in the first place. Trust me, its even better than Titanic. And watch it in 3D because its VERY different from 2D and because its just so goddamn awesome. xD

Anyway, we ended up not going for the Bookfest because it was rather late after the movie. I dragged Dear off to Wisma and Takashimaya and shopped till he was totally complaining. Wahaha~ Bought a really cute Pooh Bear and Eeyore stuffed toys and also got my present for our company's gift exchange ready. I think if any of the guys were to accidentally pick what I bought, they're gonna kill me. And I'm actually having second thoughts already. Haha.

Before I go off to continue watching Autumn In My Heart, I just wanna share something from Jodi Picoult's book: Vanishing Acts. I've always been attracted to stories with a little bit of fantasy in them, where the whole story seems so real yet so impossible. Except maybe for Lord of the Rings. For some effing reason, I just can't get past the first chapter of the book. But I digress:

"According to the Hopi, we sometimes no longer fit the world we've been given.

In the beginning, there was only darkness and Taiowa the sun spirit. He created the First World and filled it with creatures that lived in a cave deep in the earth. But they fought among themselves, so he sent Spider Grandmother down to prepare them for a change.

As Spider Grandmother led the creatures into the Second World, Taiowa changed them. They were no longer insects, but animals with fur, and webbed fingers, and tails. They were happy to have the space to roam free, but they didn't understand life any better than before.

Taiowa sent Spider Grandmother back to lead the way into the Third World. By now, the animals had transformed into people. They made villages, and plants corn. But it was cold in the Third World, and mostly dark. Spider Grandmother taught them to weave blankets to keep warm; she told the women to make clay pots to store water and food. But in the cold, the pots couldn't be baked. The corn wouldn't grow.

One day a hummingbird came to the people in the fields. He had been sent by Masauwu, Ruler of the Upper World, and Caretaker of the Place of the Dead. He brought with him fire, and he taught the people its secret.

With this new discovery, the people could harden their pots, and warm their fields and cook their food. For a while, they lived in peace. But sorcerers emerged, with medicine to hurt those they didn't like. Men gambled, instead of farming. Women grew wild, forgetting their babies, so that the fathers had to care for the children. People began to brag that there was no god, that they had created themselves.

Spider Grandmother returned. She told the people that those of good heart would leave this place, and the evil ones, behind. They did not know where to go, but they had heard footsteps overhead in the sky. So the chiefs and the medicine men took clay and shaped a swallow out of it, wrapped it in a bride's robe, and sang it to life.

The swallow flew toward the opening in the sky, but he was not strong enough to make it through. The medicine men decided to make a stronger bird, and they sang forth a dove. It flew through the opening and returned, saying, "On the other side, there is a land that spreads in all directions. But there is nothing alive up there."

Still, the chiefs and the medicine men had heard footsteps. They fashioned a catbird this time, and asked him to ask the One Who Made the Footsteps for permission to enter his land.

The catbird flew past the point where all the other birds had gone. He found sand, and mesas. He found ripe squash and blue corn and splitting melons. He found a single stone house, and its master, Masauwu. When he returned, he told the chiefs and the medicine men that Masauwu would allow them to come. they looked up, wondering how they would ever reach the hole in the sky.

They went off to find Chipmunk, the planter. Chipmunk planted a sunflower seed in the ground, and by the power of singing, the people made it grow. But it bent over with its own weight, and could not reach the hole.

Chipmunk planted a spruce, and then a pine, but neither grew tall enough. Finally, he planted a bamboo, and the people began to sing. Every time they stopped to catch their breath, the bamboo stopped growing and a notch formed. Finally, the bamboo passed through the hole in the sky.

Only the pure people were allowed into this Fourth World. Spider Grandmother went up the bamboo first, with her two warrior grandsons. As the people emerged, a mockingbird sorted them into Hopi and Navajo, Zuni and Pima, Ute and Supai, Sioux and Comanche and whites. The warrior grandsons took their buckskin ball and played their way across the earth, creating mountains and mesas. Spider Grandmother made a sun and a moon. Coyote tossed the leftover materials into the sky, to make the stars.

The Hopi will tell you that evil managed to sneak in up the bamboo, anyway. That the time of this Fourth World is almost done. Any day now, they say, we might find ourselves in a new one."

-Taken from Vanishing Acts, by Jodi Picoult

If you bothered to read that whole chunk of what I just typed-my wrists are still aching, by the way- you're probably wondering what the hell all that crap meant.

Basically, the whole book is about this woman named Delia who finds out that her father allegedly kidnapped her when she was a child, and brought her from Arizona to New Hampshire, took on a new identity and lived completely different lives for twenty over years, until one day when the police turns up at their doorstep. They go back to Arizona for the trial and Delia tries to pick up the memories of her past, of who she really was and basically tries to find herself.

I'm still in the middle of reading the book, so I don't know how it ends but I love it already. I've read about 6 books by Jodi Picoult now, and there isn't a single book that I don't love. All book lovers should seriously try reading any one of her titles!

With that, I'm really going to sign off. Its nearly 2am, and I haven't yet called Dear to let him know I've reached home. xD Goodnight everyone!

-=Rainy Day=-

2009-12-19T13:04:00.003+08:00

Why oh WHY did it have to rain???

Going to Bookfest again with Hubby later to pick up more stuff. I'm going broke, but I still wanna buy more books! xD

We've booked tickets to watch Avatar 3D at Lido later at 4pm and I really hope its nice. William was so highly recommending the movie and Lido's cinemas-apparently the best place to watch 3D movies, so we decided to give it a try. I love Lido's popcorn anyway! Keke!

I've got no idea whether its 'cause of the festive season or what, but I've been feeling pretty happy lately. Still trying to get round a lot of things and ignore them and the negative feelings I get. I know I keep saying that I'm gonna do my EOY evaluation but I keep putting it off. I promise myself I'll get it done before December 31st okay?

After this unbearably long week, it's gonna be Christmas next week! 3.5 days of work only! Haha. I finally got my stuff at Body Shop yesterday. One lip balm, one shower gel and a bottle of perfume. And I also bought the dvd for Autumn In My Heart from TS. I know its a really ancient show-I watched it when I was in Primary 4, but guess I'm just being nostalgic. I'm even listening to 5566's old songs! xD

Hoping to plan a little getaway during CNY next year. I can't celebrate this year because of my grandma's passing away. I suggested going for a holiday since I got a week's holiday during that period and my dad seemed to be seriously considering my sister's proposal of going to Australia, but if nothing comes out of that, I'm hoping to go Tioman with Dear. I know most people would think its a pretty boring place, and it is. There nothing to do except snorkelling, eating and perhaps fishing. Because the island is all surrounded by sea. But I like the laid-back and relaxing feel of the place. I think it's a perfectly wonderful place to rest and recharge your energy. And its not too expensive either. Haha. I'm saving up all that I can so as to finally be able to go Taiwan next year end. Now just to convince him... =P

Olay~! My mom is back with lunch!!! Off to eat and then prepare to go out. Ciao~!!

-=[iPhone and Sweet Springs]=-

2009-12-11T00:55:00.003+08:00

The iPhone craze is getting so... crazy, that even Dear is tempted to get it. Me? No way. Read N-E-V-E-R. I have this obsession about not using what everyone is using, and this applies to a lot of things. Handphones, bags, clothes. What is fashion to all those people on the streets is just a whole lot of bullshit to me, because my theory is that if EVERYONE is using/wearing/doing the same thing, then its not unique anymore. Dear doesn't like this... obsession of mine, but I'm just like that. =P

Had nasi bryani at Ah Mei cafe (AMK Hub) for dinner again today, but I ended up giving half of my food to Hubby 'cause I was saving tummy space for dessert. I've been wanting to try out that new dessert (okay maybe not so new, but I've never been there yet, so its new to me!) at Level 2 and I finally got my wish today! Dear had the Chocolate Snow Ice while I tried the Mango Sago or whatever you call it. YUMMY!!! And the Durian Pastry was OMG! *Hearts*~!!!

I'm still using my lousy Sony Ericsson "don't-know-what-model" phone so no pictures. But I promise that when I get my phone, I'm definitely going there to eat and take pictures! In the meantime, you can read a review of the place here.

Going to drag Hubby to go X'mas shopping with me next weekend~ Muahahaha!! So many presents to buy and yet I still don't exactly know what I'm going to get. Heck, I don't even know whether I SHOULD be doing this. I'm gonna be so shagged this few weeks because my weekends are being eaten up by all sorts of activites. Looking forward to X'mas though. I hope our company's X'mas lunch will be fun and I'm still thinking of where to go for dinner with Dear on that day. Suggestions anyone???

Alright! Off to chat with Hubby for a while then get my beauty sleep. Nights all~!

-==[Tired...]=-

2009-12-08T10:50:00.000+08:00

Been so tired these past few days. Had to keep worrying about my sister's business and stay up late nearly every night to help her pack the orders and post them out. Urgh! Seriously though, what's the fuck with Australians and Body Shop? I've sent out at least 50 Body Shop items and at least 98% are bought by Australians. And there's still more to come. What the bleeding hell!!!

Went down to Wisma Atria with my mom last Sunday to procure more Body Shop items. The Merry Cranberry Soap smells really nice!!! Its sweet and not too overpowering. I never thought there would be a day whereby I'd actually praise Body Shop stuff. I used to walk past and think the whole shop stinked. Lol~

Back to the topic though, I really hope my sister comes back from China soon. All this business stuff is eating into my social life! Not that I have a very active one in the first place lah, but still!!!

I'm going to do my end year self-evaluation soon. Okay fine, not exactly a self evaluation; more of a "What I've been doing for the entire 2009" kind of list. Something like what I did for last year. Re-reading through some of my past year entries to recall some of the stuff I did. xD

I'm so impatient waiting for VS to come out with new styles and hopefully, another free shipping promotion! I've already chosen the boots and dress that I'm going to order. Just waiting for better promotion deals! And this month's pay. Haha.

Still deciding where to go for this year's Christmas dinner! But Dear agreed that I could get my hair rebonded. *Loves!* Off to read those past entries. Mood today: SUPER HAPPY! xD

2009-12-06T00:54:00.003+08:00

I'm sure by now almost the entire world knows about the whole "Tiger Woods had an affair" saga, thanks to the media. And you know how come SBS buses have TV Mobile and like to keep on showing Entertainment Tonight to erm... "entertain" the passengers?
So I was on 168 today, heading towards Causeway Point to meet Dear for dinner and movie, and ET was being shown on TVM again, and of course, they're talking about the whole Tiger Woods thing again. Blah blah blah, all the usual shit.
And then comes this part where they get this psychologist or some sort of shit expert to come and give her views on things like, "What should Tiger Woods say?", "What should Elin (who I presume is the wife) say?" and "Should they separate?"
Its like, HELLO? Its someone else's marriage. Albeit that someone being a golf-pro. But still! Its none of your fucking business! Who are you to come and yak shit about someone's marriage/affair like you know so well? That's just damned rude!
Okay lah fine. I know its not my business to get pissed at ET and that woman, but seriously? Hollywood is such a fucked up place. Wonder how the yakking woman would feel if someone came up to her and gave her bullshit about her marriage.

Anyways, we finally caught 2012 today after waiting for so damn long; what with being busy with work and waiting for the movie to come off the No Free List so that I could use my free ticket. Haha. It was a really nice movie, although highly exaggerated.
One thought that lingers in my mind though, is that if it were me, I think I'd rather die with the rest of the billions of people. Ever heard of survivor's guilt? There's this one part where that Adrian tries to plead with the other leaders to open the gate and let the other people in and he says "What are we going to tell our children? What will they tell their children?" Or something like that lah~ And then they all decide to open the gates.
Its touching, true. But seriously, what are they expecting to tell their children? "Oh we survived this huge catastrophe but about 5 billion other people or so died."? What nonsense.
And the really cute thing is, you know how in American movies they always write the U.S President's character to portray what they think of the real character? Now that Obama is the President, suddenly Mr U.S.P is a (black) loving man who would rather die with his fellow countrymen instead of a (white) selfish scaredy-cat who cowers behind his assistants. Guess we know who the scriptwriter voted for.

Oh and I have to say this! Dear and I had dinner at Pizza Hut and the service there was HORRIBLE. We got served with pizza even before our drinks and soup came. I had to ask the manager whether they'd gotten the wrong table. And their servers don't know service etiquette! Serve ice water immediately upon seating. When serving food or drinks, ladies first. Clear the empty plates/bowls once the customers are done with their food. They didn't do ANY of that!
I learned something amusing though. It seems that ever since I fell sick on Tuesday, my appetite has gotten alot smaller. I only managed abit of soup and about 2.5 small slices of pizza and I was totally full. So full that I started to feel unwell again and ended up vomitting. Lol~ I like the small appetite though. xD

Alright, gotta end here because I wanna squeeze in one episode of drama before I head off to bed. Meeting Hubby early tomorrow for breakfast and gym! Nights, and sorry for whole chunks of text!!

-=[Reminiscing!!]=-

2009-11-29T16:40:00.005+08:00

Yay my new desktop is finally all set up properly!!! Too bad its still in my sister's room. Damn the modem.

And Hubby finally got his PS3~ After so freaking long of scrimping and saving.

I hope all this means that our finances are finally starting to pick up.

Buffet lunch at the Penang Place Restaurant on Friday was scrumptious, but sinful. No pictures, because none of us thought to take any. Went to JP after that and exchanged some tickets for the 2 HUGE rabbits and I still have 1k+ of tickets left! xD

Accompanied my Mom to Tangs at Vivocity yesterday just to collect her eye cream and spend another $82 on some day cream. =.=" Its times like this that I hate my sister for going off to China. I have to take her place and go shopping for ridiculous things with my mom. Don't get me wrong; I'm not unfilial, I just don't like shopping for cosmetics and all that crap.

Zoomed off to Bugis after that to meet up with Hubby, SY and ZX (Wow, long time no see!) because they wanted to play L4D2. For whatever my life's worth, I will NEVER be able to figure out L4D. I know its a very straightforward game and all, but I'm just not cut out for it. Ended up just facebook-ing and watching videos. Heh heh.

Yesterday night, while clearing out my room, I came across my "autograph book" from way back during my Primary 6 days, and all the memories came flooding back. As I read through, I realised that quite a lot of my classmates actually considered me a good friend. And there was one particular "autograph" that I treasured the most.

It really made me reminisce the good old days. Back then when there wasn't Friendster or Facebook. When Nokia 8250 was the coolest handphone around and MSN was the most exciting thing about the Internet. When the juiciest gossips were so-and-so's crush on who-and-who. When I thought nearly everyone in class hated me, especially the guys, because I was the class tomboy; loud-mouthed, rough and going around smacking all the boys. When I kept deliberately walk past 6-1 just to sneak peeks at MJ. Haha! Suddenly I really miss the CZ days. I miss our childishness, our carefree-ness and... EVERYTHING! How I wish time could be turned back.

Sigh... So bored right now I'm going try my hand at Blackshot, even though I know I'll probably suck at it. Tata~

2009-11-21T13:09:00.007+08:00

Initially wanted to blog yesterday night, but ended up falling asleep straight after my bath and only just woke up an hour ago. xD

Now I've forgotten about 90% of what I had in mind to put in this entry.

Haven't been to KTV for ages and I miss singing!!! But I'm down with the flu now and my voice sounds more like a croak when I try to sing. LOL.

My family's back from Thailand and they've brought home a whole fucking load of stuff. Dried food, one whole luggage worth of new clothes, bags, shoes, and all sorts of weird things. Candles? What for? Haha. Must have had a hell of a time shopping their way around Bangkok and Chiangmai for that one week. I still don't regret not going though, because I know that if I had gone, I wouldn't have enjoyed myself, hotel or no hotel.

Crystal says that I think too much about other people's "motives" and yes, I readily admit that. I don't know when was it that I became so pessimistic about kindness from people. Its ironic really. I'll happily believe that no one is truly evil, but if that kindness is directed towards me, I'll immediately be on my guard. Because I don't think I've done anything worth that bit of kindness and who knows how hefty the price tag attached to it is. Same as the logic that when you allow yourself to be get too attached to people around it, you get hurt more easily too. Maybe that's why I don't make friends so easily. Haha.

Oh, and also thanks to Crystal, I'm now officially addicted to dried longans too. And I'm going crazy right now because I don't know where my mom hid the entire packet! =(

But luckily I still have yummy instant noodles. Kaka~ Off to cook!

P.S. I think Dear's finally getting used to his new job and I'm happy for him. Not to mention that the money coming in is definitely gonna be very useful too. Keke. It'll be Christmas in about a month's time and hopefully things will be more smooth-sailing for us by then.

P.P.S I'm including the videos of some songs that I've added into my playlist. Its from the soundtrack of Easy Life, Happy Fortune and the songs are really nice. Only the last one is a separate song (also a soundtrack, but from another drama) by Roy Qiu.

This is the opening version. Full song is about 3 minutes or so.

-=[One Week of Chore]=-

2009-11-17T11:42:00.005+08:00

One week's gone past just like that. My parents and sister will be back home tonight. Relief, because it'll mean no more chores for a while, but "sian-zation" because the nagging is bound to start soon.

So freaking sleepy right now that I'm totally in zombie mode. Can't wait for the weekend to catch up on my sleep. Been spending the past week at Dear's house, and had to wake up at unearthly hours almost everyday. On the bright side though, its truly pure bliss to be able to fall asleep and wake up beside your beloved every single day. Haha~ Sorry for sounding so cheesy but its really true.

By the way, I tried the new Curry Ramen by Nong Shin and its incredibly yummy! So very different from the usual curry-flavoured instant noodles! Now I'm searching for the cheese one, but just can't seem to find it anywhere. T.T!

Time for work... Still frigging sleepy.

-=Waxing Nostalgia=-

2009-11-07T18:53:00.004+08:00

How is it that I went from being a carefree kid whose biggest problem in life was dealing with O Levels, to an overgrown teen who keeps worrying about all sorts of stuff, without realising it myself?

Reading that new book by Allan and Barbara Pease has made me learn a lot of things that I never consciously realised. Knowledge that should have been there, but was somehow suppressed because I was simply too tensed and focused on the wrong things. $40 well spent, and I haven't even reached 1/4 of the book yet.

If the statistics in that book are true, then I supposed I'm doomed to contract some terminal disease when I hit my 40s. Haha. And I suddenly realised that I don't want to keep on worrying about so many things anymore. It won't mean that I don't care, but constantly keeping on my mind is just going to wreck my life. Funny how Dear has been trying to tell me this fact for so long, yet it had to take a $40 book to make it sink in. =P

My biggest problem right now is that I need to learn how to relax. Somewhere along the growing up process, it became conditioned into me that money is very important. Maybe it was because of those bills that kept piling up; maybe I was just suffocated by the high expectations placed on me by both my parents and myself.

Believe it or not, I don't think I'm a highly materialistic person. I mean, sure, everyone in this has that little bit of materialism in them, but I'm not the kind who would die without branded stuff. I don't need my boyfriend to shower me with gifts, and I'm not dreaming of living in some huge mansion or driving some posh car. YES, I'd definitely love to if I had the means, but right now I don't, and I'm not going to base the whole reason of my life because of some far-fetched dream. Financially, I'm comfortable with the kind of life I grew up in: with a roof over a head, money to go to school, getting new clothes every now and then, never experiencing things like electricity cut or having to go hungry. I'm content with that, and I'd be satisfied if I could provide my kids with such a life in future.

But I digress. The thing is, I'm wanting these things way too soon, and because of them, I'm putting lots of pressure on myself and subsequently, on Dear as well. So now the bottomline is, I need to learn how to stop stressing myself over such stuff. I can't predict the future, nor go back to the past, and I'll be damned if I can't allow myself to enjoy the present. Other than the occasional bouts of nagging, that is.

My family will be going to Bangkok in 5 days' time and I'll be having an entire week of peace and quiet to myself. I'm giving myself this one week to try and learn to relax; to take my mind off my forever thinning bank account or the fact that I'll be taking my exams next month. Oh, and I promise I will call KK for an appointment just to shut my parents up, even though I seriously don't think there's any need to waste the money. xD

I'm rereading what I've typed and I don't know if people reading this post will make any sense out of it but that's really not what I want to be concerned about. Haha. Good for you if you understand, too bad if you don't.

Off to watch Easy Fortune Happy Life. Nowadays I'm damn slow at catching up with these dramas, considering how in love I used to be with them. I'm still stuck at episode 15 of Black and White and that was last month. Suddenly 24 hours a days feel so short. Sad that humans and science evolved so much but time did not. Bleahs.

-=ReVeLaTiOnS=-

2009-11-06T13:01:00.003+08:00

How do you react to the revelation that your lady boss has actually been reading your blog? I'm so relieved that I don't have any major secrets posted. Haha~

Next week my parents and sister will be flying off to Thailand for a week. Initially thought of holding a mini-party just to have friends over to chill, to hang out for a day, but now I'm so pissed that I'm just gonna cancel that plan. I don't blame them, really. Its my fault for not thinking that people would have better things to do than that. I still can't believe that after so long, I'm still stupid enough to keep hoping for things that I shouldn't be hoping for. Wait, does that sound weird? Don't know, don't care.

Bottomline is... Everytime I try to put in the effort to plan something or organise some gathering, things just never go right. I think maybe my "eight-characters" are in such a way whereby I'm just jinxed whenever it comes to such things.

Right now I don't really care that I sound emo or whatever. I'm cancelling whatever plans there are for next Saturday and I'm just gonna spend the day with Dear. I'm just upset at myself for my own stupidity. Kids fall, learn that its painful, and are smart enough to be careful NOT to let themselves fall again. Apparently I'm dumber than a kid.

I'm gonna have to learn to STOP depending on or having expectations of the people around me. URGH. Bleah... I should probably stop ranting as well. Just damn bloody disappointed. So many times.

Its approaching the end of the year. Even Christmas decorations are already up in Orchard Road, reflecting the festive-kiasu spirit of Singaporeans. Robinsons is having its sales soon (I know 'cause I've seen their job ads looking for temporary staff again) and hopefully I get a bonus. =P

Damn the ACCA and its bloody lousy website for sucking away all my money. Was truly in shock when I went to check my bank account yesterday. DAMN THE WHOLE BLOODY WORLD!

Dear always chides me for taking things too seriously, but sometimes I really find it hard to find the silver lining in the oh-so-dark clouds. When sudden realisation hits and you can't fully grasp the WHY, it makes the entire mind feel so conflicted and confused.

I know this entry prolly makes me sound like some deranged teenager swinging from one extreme emotion to another, but heck lah. Not in the mood to care that much. Wish there could be such a thing as taking a break from life, but there's still no scientist or inventor in the world smart enough to come up with a way to pause time. SHINGZ.

And its back to work......

-=[Netbook & Birthday Wishes]=-

2009-11-01T01:34:00.003+08:00

I finally got my Netbook!!! Its okay, if you're willing to overlook the occasional instability. But I'm still thinking of whether or not to sell it. Can someone give me a second opinion?

Birthday coming up in 2 weeks. If birthday wishes were ever supposed to come true, I hope mine do. I'm wishing for book vouchers. Walked into Popular today and saw lots and lots of books that I wanna buy! And there's another new book by Allan & Barbara Pease. $35+! So OMG-expensive lah!!!

Just a short entry today. I'm gonna go FB a little more and then go sleep.

-=[TKDJ 1st Anniversary]=-

2009-10-27T15:00:00.005+08:00

~*~ 27/10/2009 ~*~

Sentosa trip last Saturday was F-U-N! Just that my face got sunburned quite bad and everyone kept asking what happened. Lol~

Happy belated birthday to TKDJ!

~*~

Classes for P3 and P4 are almost ending, but I still haven't signed up for exams. Heck. I haven't even taken the exams for P1 and P2. I just can't find my motivation to study. I still love accounting, and I still know that its what I want to do as a career, but after working and coming in touch with what REAL accounting is like, I go to lessons and can't stand the crap that I'm studying. Its TOTALLY different.

Lots of people tell me that reality is just like this. Learn so much in school, but none of it applies when you really start working. But we still got to get that piece of paper. I understand, so I'm trying my hardest to psycho myself. But somehow, I'm not getting there.

And starting next paper, I'll be paying for the rest of my CAT and ACCA on my own. I can't even begin to imagine what it'll be like trying to finance my education on a $800 (after CPF) paycheck, but I'm too stubborn to ask my dad for money. Somehow or other, I will manage. And I MUST!

Don't ask me why I keep choosing to do things the hard way; I'm just used to depending on myself for everything. After so many years of not having to take money from my parents, every time I have to go up to my dad to ask for my school fees, I feel so damned awkward.

Of course, there are also other factors that are none of anyone else's business. xD

My family will be going to Chiangmai in November to attend some relative's wedding dinner and I'm not going. Mahjong party at my house!!! Hyuk hyuk! I know I'm so bad, but the thought of being able to spend one entire week on my own without anyone to keep nagging at me makes me feel unbelievably relaxed~

~*~ 28/10/2009 ~*~
I finally found out one of the reasons why I've been so stressed out recently. Sad to say, this factor is something I cannot run away from, no matter how much I want to. Unless I really harden my heart and turn my back. Which, sometimes, I'm really tempted to do.

Its incredible how I can still find it in me and smile and put on a happy face for the other people around me - my colleagues, my friends, and Dear, when deep down, I'm just feeling damn fucked up. People just can't understand that it takes 2 hands to clap- stop blaming me for every single piece of shit. Would all this stop if I just moved out?

Forget it... Don't wanna think about it anymore. Just makes me more stressed up. Maybe that explains why I'm still so tired even after 7 hours of sleep. FUCK LIFE.

TKDJ outing-FAIL

2009-10-23T21:08:00.004+08:00

Feeling really really SIANS right now. Just one simple TKDJ outing and people can't even bother. Even when it isn't going cost them a lot of money. Damn fucked up.

In a constant state of agitation these few days. Small, mundane things set me off easily and I keep feeling stressed out. I don't what's causing all this. I need to relax but I have no fucking idea how. Initially thought we could enjoy ourselves at Sentosa tomorrow but then all that shit had to happen. Someone up there really HATES me or something.

I really really have no idea WHY I'm constantly feeling so tensed and stressed. Maybe its because of my family, maybe its other factors. But I just cannot get myself to relax.

How come the human brain cannot operate like a computer? Just take out the hard disk and replace with new one.

Took leave next Saturday, but still have not decided where to go. Haha~ Maybe just chill at Dear's house. Life is really so sians... Everytime there's finally something to be happy about, something negative pops up again. FUCK YOU REALITY.

So sleepy right now... 2 hours more before Dear knocks off....

-=[New Lessons In Life]=-

2009-10-13T16:10:00.004+08:00

I'll be turning 19 in a month's time, but I feel like I'm turning 29. =(

Had a really long talk with Dear yesterday and he made me realise a lot of things that I didn't realise about myself, or was just too stubborn to face it. I'm going to try and make an effort to change and hopefully become a better person. =)

By now it should be confirmed that I WON'T be going to Bangkok with my family. Yippee!!! Contrary to many other people, I don't exactly enjoy family trips. And I'm S-I-C-K of Bangkok. Of Thailand as a whole. Besides, all those Teochew-speaking relatives there are like aliens to me. I can't even understand more than half of what they're saying most of the time. I suck at the dialect can?

One whole week to myself. PEACE! And my netbook will be here by then. Hyuk hyuk!

I finally got the office keys today!!! I know its actually no biggie, but to me, it means a lot. Like they finally accept me as part of the "family" and... its just HUGE okay? But suddenly it feels as though there are higher expectations of me and I don't know if I can live up to that. Or maybe its just me thinking too much. I hope so... xD

Last thing before I knock off:
2 years ago when I was taking BLAW in NP, I thought all that heavy text was gonna kill me. Now I'm actually typing an entire contract for Peggy and 90% of the time, I don't really understand what I'm typing. I'm speed reading all the words, but they're just a mess of jumbled crap to me. LOL. Its so different from normal reading!

Okay lah! Off to get keychains to accessorize my new keys! Muahahaha~ xD

-=开心的一天=-

2009-10-12T11:28:00.002+08:00

昨天是非常快乐的一天. 真的很希望每天都可以过得这么开心; 可以和心爱的人一起快乐.

-=[--]=-

2009-10-11T03:46:00.003+08:00

I don't know why I'm still up at this time when I've got lotsa stuff to do tomorrow. Or rather, later today. Its William's wedding dinner today and the whole company will be attending! Whee~! Pretty excited. Its the first time I've attended the wedding of someone who's not related to me. Going out to do my nails later, and get a new cardigan. My bad for stretching my already tight budget, but its a special occasion. So I'm excused. xD

Yesterday was another -nua-at-home day. Let's see. I woke up at 11.30, used my sis' laptop for an hour plus, and went back to sleep until 5.30. Then had a huge quarrel with them and went back to sleep at 7 and woke up nealy 4 hours later. LOL. In total I think I slept for close to 20 hours, but the weird thing is, I still have VERY dark circles under my eyes. Wtf? And I think I STILL can sleep some more.

I'm hoping to drop by Iluma for a shrot taiko session later. Haven played in weeks and I think I'm losing my touch. So many people have been passing all the hard songs whereas I'm still stuck at 9 stars. Frustrated with myself. URGH!

I really need to take some time off to relax. Been really stressed out for the past month or so, and its affecting my mind and body. Why is it just so hard to have a normal life like so many others? I really don't understand. Why is it that I just can't be like a normal girl with normal troubles and normal stuff to worry about? Why is it so hard for me to want something, to be able to own something that I really really like a lot? WHY? I really don't think I'm asking for too much...

Nothing much to blog about really... Just updating for the sake of it. Please forgive all the jumbled nonsense. Back to sleep and all my weird dreams. Yesterday night I dreamt that I bet a hundred bucks on Man-U. Maybe later I'm gonna dream that I won I million dollars from some ulu lottery. Who knows?

-=Still Stressed=-

2009-09-24T22:48:00.003+08:00

AH! Much better after a cold shower. But STILL VERY STRESSED.

Still unable to form coherent sentences. I'm just going to blabber on and on until I'm happy enough to log out and go sleep.

Oh, and if you're going complain about how whiny I am today or how unbearably vulgar I'm gonna get, just close this window now. NO MOOD TO CARE~

I've got the whole house to myself today. Or at least until my Mom and Sis get back from shopping. Eggy and peanut rice for dinner again, after I finally couldn't "tahan" the sour-smelling prawn noodle. Yuck.

What am I stressed about? MONEY! That's what.

Damned loan is making me have a nervous breakdown sooner or later. Of course, by right I should have the means to support that loan. SHOULD. But don't. And I don't know why either.

Am I expecting way too much of myself?

Sometimes I can't believe that I'm just 19 either. I feel at least ten years older. I still remember always wishing to be grown up when I was still in primary school. Thought it was cool back then; to be an adult, to have money, to have freedom. Now I'd rather be a kid again and let Mommy take care of everything.

Welcome to the adult world.

And people think that at 19, you're still too young too fully understand the word "stress". Hello? You're talking to ME. And I am STRESSED.

And just like how there's always icing on the cake, my right knee is feeling weird again. Like inflamed joints or something. Add on with "rotting" heels and you've got me limping instead of walking. Hoo-fucking-ray.

Did I also mention that I still have NOT gotten the netbook? Hey M1. You don't wanna mess with me when I'm pissed.

I wanna go to the zoo! Who wants to go with me? Like, after I get October's pay? Since this month's pay is all going to go towards paying for all the miscellaneous "I-forgot-why-I-signed-for-this" bills. Okay lah. To be brutally honest, I remember how I got into debt. But I'm not telling you.

Okay! I've run out of random stuff to blog about. For now. Be back again when I go crazy again. =P

-=[STRESS]=-

2009-09-24T22:11:00.005+08:00

STRESS STRESS STRESS STRESS STRESS STRESS STRESS

STRESS!!!

Who can get me out of this fucking mess?!?!??!

I need to V E N T!

So frickin' TIRED. I can feel all that weight on my shoulders. DAMN DAMN DAMN!

I'll be so glad when all this is finally over. I'll be so happy to see the very last of you.

Stupid laptop loan. URGH!

-=[Happiness]=-

2009-09-22T23:32:00.003+08:00

Back at work and I'm feeling so much happier. Maybe its just the restlessness getting to me. I really need to apologise to Dear for my bad temper but I really don't know what to do to mellow it down!

We still haven't gotten our netbook and I'm getting edgy because I really wanna be able to surf the Net at home. I'm currently blogging on my sister's lappy and I'm racing against time because I told her I only needed 10 minutes and I'm already on the 20th minute. xD And I was thinking of bringing Peggy's contract home to finish typing because its been lying in that paper tray for almost a week and I haven't had the chance to really start on it yet. Grrr...

I'm not turning into a workaholic lah~ Just that when your colleagues are good, work becomes more of an enjoyment than a chore. Although I still hate having to wake up at 7am (actually 7.30 since I always hit the snooze button) every single weekday. Somehow, people have bio-clocks that are programmed to get used to waking up early while my bio-clock just never gets used to it. Damn.

I've stupidly suggested a Xmas and NY gathering for TKDJ, even though I've already been through the tiring process of planning a chalet. I simply hate how people cannot give a firm yes or no and have to keep dragging and dragging until the day before the actualy event, and then you have to personally CALL them before they tell you no. Fuck you! Let's just hope this time round it won't be such a huge chore to plan a one day gathering.

Alright alright... I really need to snap out of my PMS mood. I have no freaking idea why my mood swings are kicking in again but its getting really bad. I STILL haven't called K.K to schedule a follow up appointment; so lazy. xD And seriously, its no fun having a random doctor prodding your body. I'm sorry for those who are actually worried about me but I think I know my body better than anyone else and I think there really isn't anything serious lah~

Okie~ Time for bed. The next time I update will be when I get my netbook. Hope its really soon!!!

P.S Payday in 2 days! Woohoo!!!!

-=Siansation=-

2009-09-20T21:06:00.004+08:00

Updating my blog from Colosseum~

Ended up NOT going for Seiransei 19 because the rest weren't free. And Kbox tomorrow is cancelled. FML.

At least i got to play taiko and we'll still be going for durians tomorrow. Sighs...

Sometimes its really hard to look forward to the good things in life when the setbacks keep getting you down. Maybe its just me, but its really depressing that its so hard to find someone to go out and chill with. And I fucking hate it when people cancel on me at the very last minute. I'm so sick of constantly being the one to "jio" everyone out. Sick of always having to send so many sms-es to so many people and end up with only 2-3 replies that say yes.

Today finally decided to screw what others say and get a weekend job. Because "nua-at-home" day turned out to be depressingly boring. No computer to use, and no new VCDs to watch. Invented eggy peanut rice though, which turned out to be yummyly good. Haha. I have talent at cooking!!! xD

Will be looking around over the next few weeks for some part time jobs that will only require me to work weekends and public holidays. I know its bad to be working so much, but why say no to extra money? Heh heh. Besides, I can always quit when I finally get tired.

A lot of people keep asking me why I chose this current path of life, but I really don't know how to answer. I just don't want to be like every other 19 year old. Admittedly sometimes I lament about work. Sometimes I really wish I could lay back and relax like my other peers. Sometimes I wish that life could be as easy as those people who don't have to work, who depend on their parents for everything. But when it comes down to reality, I know that I don't actually mind working. I know that what I'm going through now will serve me well in the future. And I can proudly tell my relatives that I don't have to depend on my parents to support me anymore, other than my education that is.

Apologies for such a depressing post today. Its emo-momo day for me. Don't even have the mood to sing. Damn it! I need something to cheer me up!!!!!!

-=[Blogging from Work]=-

2009-09-17T15:06:00.003+08:00

My home PC has crashed!!! What the bloody hell man. Its a good thing I'm getting a new Netbook next week. Thanks to Dear. Haha.

Been getting very addicted to Street Racing on Facebook. Haha. I also just found out that the ENTIRE OFFICE is on Facebook. Yes. Even my boss and lady boss. How "cool" is that? Now I'm on Restaurant City too. Lol. But I still prefer SR. Hee~

Very much looking forward to this weekend. SEIRANSAI 19!!! xD

Plus Kbox and durians.

Because of Kbox, I made myself drink the yucky cough syrup I got from the doctor and just now I got so damn drowsy that I was dozing off in front of the computer. With the Facebook window on. Zzz~ Now I understand why people use cough syrups as a substitute for sleeping pills.

Pay is coming in soon, but in the meantime, I really gotta try and curb my spending. I keep going out of budget and I have no friggin' idea where the money goes to. This two coming Saturdays are going to be "nua-at-home" days. Tidy up my room, sort out my closet, and SLEEP! Keke.

Alright alright. Back to work. Hope I get my Netbook soon~ xD

-=Events=-

2009-09-10T01:08:00.003+08:00

Upcoming events to occupy my weekends!!!

12/9/09 (Sat) - Party @ Seven

13/9/09 (Sun) - Temple + Comex 2009

20/9/09 - Seiransai 19

21/9/09 - KBOX!

Its weird that I keep wanting to get home early just to rest, but instead of sleeping, I was slumping on the couch and watching VCDs instead.

Dear just informed me about the party at Seven today. Anyone who's interested can come. I have no idea what the hell is gonna happen but I'm hoping against hope that there will at least ONE free (alcholic) drink. Haven't drunk since TKDJ chalet. xD

95% confirmed will be going for Seiransai 19 with Sky and most probably Kyon. Hope more dojo people go, minus the annoying ones. Haha. I know I'm so bad.

Been really happy at work these few days despite the tiredness. So happy that I didn't want to go home today even when it was time to knock off. I must be going crazy or something. LOL. But I think I still need to buck up and faster learn NOT to care about the minor minor things that get me down. Sometimes one person's POV isn't really that important. Sometimes, one person's oddity will cause problems with fitting in. Everyone's got to either learn to accept or F off right?

I'm starting to blabber nonsense again. Time for bed!! LOL.

-=Expired Food!!!=-

2009-09-05T17:20:00.004+08:00

Today is "nua-at-home" day for me! Keke. In a very excited mood now because of some really amazing discoveries I made just now.

Basically I got home at 5+am again today and KO-ed in bed all the way till 4pm. I did wake up a few times in between lah, but decided to go back to sleep since I didn't have any plans for today.

So after I finally slept my fill and woke up at about 4pm (actually more due to my dad's nagging), I decided I was hungry and started looking around for food. Why not go and buy, you ask? Becaue my wallet's totally empty, my PIN's not here yet, and Dear's at work. So basically I got no resources to secure food outside of my home. Pretty pathetic yeah.

SO ANYWAYS~ I was looking around for stuff to cook and somehow ended up raiding and "tidying up" the kitchen cabinet where my mom stores all the canned food and other stuffs. Oh, and the fridge as well. Look at all the "wonderful" things I found:

Dutch Lady Full Cream Sweetened Condensed Milk

EXP: 190809 SE4

Cavendish Flavour Crisp (Fries)

E: 29/07/2009

Corn Kernels from NTUC

EXP: 200709

And the most epic of all:

A can of yucky-sounding but seemingly-harmless-looking Bittergourd Tea. Don't know where its from though. xD

Best use before: 27/10/2004

*Speechless*

Finally finished with this post after 1 hour. Off to enjoy my own cooking. Hahas~

-=[Random]=-

2009-09-03T23:59:00.002+08:00

Just some random updates before I go to bed.

Time is really flying by very fast. The days and weeks go by so fast that its a little hard to believe that time has actually gone by at all. Like, you know, just when you're thinking, "Damn its Monday again!" but all of a sudden its Friday again. Okay fine. Nonsense blabbering on my part. Pardon my incoherence for today. Not exactly in the mood to articulate myself properly.

History is repeating itself again. This time, I'm even more disappointed because I expected way more than what I got. But accept it I will, because I understand that nothing goes on forever. Even life itself will eventually come to an end, what's more to say of the other small things in life.

Perhaps Dear is right. The reason I keep sinking into bouts of depressed moods could be because I've suddenly had my eyes opened to the ugliness of the world, and am still unable to accept it all. Is it because I read too much fiction and got affected by it all? Or is it because I'm still to immature to fully comprehend and handle all the complicated relationships between each individual?

Few bright sparks to look forward to: COMEX Show 2009, Kbox outing, 1st week of October (applied 1.5 days of leave) and a possibilty of a trip to Japan end of the year. I only have 4 days of leave left though. =(

Oh, and one more thing~ I've put in another order with VS~! Keke. Finally got that pair of boots I've been coveting since forever. Hope I'll receive it by next month or so. If this pair of booties fit me fine enough, I'll be going on a shoe spree at the end of the year~! WOOHOO~

Looking at it this way, at least my life doesn't feel that gloomy. I guess its because of these random sparks of brightness that life doesn't seem so bleak. *I am not suffering from depression okay!*

Last day of the week tomorrow. No current plans for the weekend yet. Let's see if I can be disciplined enough to stay home on Saturday and sort out my room. xD

P.S I'm almost done with the 3rd book of the Three Kingdoms volumes. One more to go. Yea yea!

-=[Fucked Up Transport System]=-

2009-08-31T23:15:00.002+08:00

I FUCKING HATE PEAK HOUR!~ And I freakin' hate AYAM too.

The entire MRT system was so fucked up today I missed school again. xD

That's probably a really lame excuse, but honestly, if anyone was at City Hall MRT at 6+ today, you'd know what I mean. The whole platform was filled with living bodies~! The north and east bound trains took so damn long to reach whereas people just kept pouring out from the west bound trains. Getting in was such a chore, involving getting pushed and squeezed against smelly fellow human beings. Are you sure there are only 4 million people in Singapore? Because sometimes it feels like 4 billion.

Why is it that the government keeps encouraging Singaporeans to take public transport when this is the kind of facilities that we get? Cock-ups in train schedules and problems with the tracks, buses that take half an hour to come, and fare hikes that cause my monthly spending on transport to almost equal the amount I spend on food.

I think SMRT and SBS should pay their bus and train captains a lot a lot of money so that more people will want to take on the job, and then they can have more buses coming at regular intervals and then people will love the public transport system so much they rather use it than drive their own cars. And ta-dah! You solve the problem of too much traffic and over-pollution~! I'm so smart. xD

*Sidetrack: Isn't ironical how world leaders keep calling on their minions (a.k.a us common people) to do our part in saving the environment by using public transport, recycling our waste materials and blah blah blah. You think LKY walks around much? You see Obama taking the bus? And in name of business, they fly round and round the world, all the while consuming so much petrol, which also contributes to the increase on petrol costs. So at the end of the day, the world leaders are the ones contributing to 50% of the whole "global warming crisis".*

Imagine living in a place where there are no traffic jams and people are polite to each other. Even better if there are no smokers. Effing hate smokers. They're totally pwn-ing the world man~ Everywhere you go, there's bound to be someone puffing away on a cigarette within a metres from you.FUCKING SMELLY and harmful to my health luh~! Why is it that drugs are banned whereas smoking is legal huh? People who take drugs kill themselves, whereas people who smoke kill themselves AND the innocent people around them okay~! No brains or what huh!

Pardon me for the rant. Just got damn pissed by the train service today. And the moment I got out of the MRT station, I almost choked on some idiot's second-hand smoke. YUCK.

On a happier note, I passed Obsession Latino today on my first try. Haha. Not much of a big achievement, but just brings a smile to my face. Haven't tried the other new song and the coded version of Angel Dream but I don't think I can pass the latter. 1k tickets away to GMS~!!! Keke.

Off to bed~ *Yawn* I still have a mountain of work waiting for me in the office. Sians~

-=Time Flies=-

2009-08-28T23:52:00.002+08:00

Time really flies. Just 5 days I was suffering from Monday blues and now its already the start of the weekend. 3 months at my current job feels as though I've been there for years. Not that I'm totally experienced in handling all the stuff, but because I'm getting used to the daily routine of waking up at 7am everyday, of taking the bus there, handling all the POs and administrative stuff and whatever shit. LOL.

I may not be perfect at the job, but I like to think that I'm really trying my best, and I want to learn even more. 3 months ago, I never imagined myself ever handling so much stuff at a job, but I'm actually doing that right now! Not that I'm complaining or what luh~ I really appreciate all that I've learnt. People scorn at "Admin Assistants", thinking that all we do is file a load of junk papers and answer spam calls but that's SO not true. There's so much more to do and learn than that.

Going to Rocher Centre to get new bachis with Adri, Dex, Kyon and Dear tomorrow. Haha. Then off to Iluma to test out our bachis! Keke. Will be discussing our plans to go travelling at the same time. I actually suggested to Dear that we just go somewhere nearer so we can save up money for other stuffs. Let's see how the discussion tomorrow goes.

Looking forward to the long Hari Raya weekend. Kbox + durian feast + taiko session with Kyon and Sky and whoever else wants to join us. Woots~!!! And I FC-ed 3 songs in a row today~! Keke. Too bad I kept missing towards the end of that 5min song. 894 combo and I miss. DAMN IT MAN! I will FC that song one day~ Off to watch VCDs again. Damn Blogger for being down again. Or is it just me?

*Update*~ Okay it was just me. T.T!

-=[Conflicting Emotions]=-

2009-08-26T00:59:00.004+08:00

I know I should be sleeping already, but I've just got to get this all down, so I'll try to be fast. Here goes:

Recently I've been having long debates with myself regarding my way of thinking versus that of the common view. I truly uphold the stand whereby people should be more direct, straight-to-the-point, and honest about how they feel about certain things. However, I can't even bring myself to do that, because, face it: Not everyone's ready to hear the cold, hard truth.

I know what I'm going to say MAY cause a lot of problems between me and my friends, but I'm sick of holding back on my honest opinions just because I'm scared of the repercussions. If friendship cannot withstand such truths, then its all not real, and all that's between us would be just a farce.

Even though everyone's been praising CK, Mint and Yuu for doing such a wonderful job in organising and carrying out the Taiko competition, I still feel that a lot of things are very unfair.

Firstly, why was it that just because the 2nd group got Anpanman as one of their songs, the song list was refreshed not once, but TWICE? Just because its 2*? Whereas my group had Tong Hua as the very first song and yet we still had to go through with it. If the songlist is supposed to be randomised in order to be fair, then no matter what kind of song combinations come out, it should NOT be refreshed at all.

Secondly, the groupings of the contestants were really unfair. Look at Yuu's side of the "tree", and the other side. Yuu got to breeze through all the way to the finals without meeting ANY opponent that could have been strong enough to score against her, whereas players like Gepi, Gray, Adri, Zen, Kyou and all were literally killing out each other to get to the top. Its a thoroughly unbalanced scale. Wouldn't it have been better for us to just draw lots? Whoever is unlucky enough to draw a strong opponent, shucks for you. If you're lucky and you get a weaker opponent, hip hip hurray~! If our hands are the one that pick our own opponents, no one can cry foul play, can they?

Thirdly, the $9 registration fee was truely way overpriced. With a meager price of a $30 credit Tornado card, only to the top player. And CK, Mint, and the two photographers each got a card as well, even though they did not pay anything at all. Undeniably, you can argue that CK and Mint deserved it for their hard work. But the 2 photographers? Then what about us contestants? We each get a blurry, hurriedly printed out photo. Bull-fucking-shit.

Believe it or not, I'm voicing all these out not because I'm sore that I didn't win or anything. I didn't enter the competition with any hopes of winning. It was just a "join-and-have-fun-thingy", but I truly feel that a lot of things could have been made fairer and more enjoyable for the contestants. And I'm not unappreciative either. I understand the amount of time and effort that CK and Mint put in, but I think we all also know that the 9* cap was to prevent Lexus from easily sweeping the prize away.

No doubt the organisers deserve a lot of credit for the success of the competition, and I'm not going to deny them that, but you cannot deny the smear of bias-ness, no matter how tiny.

I still hate myself for not being to openly voice out all these in the forum, but even the most retarded dimwit can predict the uproar that will happen if I do. Call me coward, call me hypocrite, whatever.

For those who happen to stumble across this post and take offense, I can only say that those were my truest POVs. Would you rather I lied and pretended everything's fine? If so, then exit this blog and never come back again.

I'm not angry at any specific person and I hope no one comes and hate me because of this one post, but if its unavoidable, I shan't run from it either. I chose to blog all these down despite all the flak I'll be bound to receive, because its the one outlet where I can at least stand for my principles of life.

-=[Zhuge Liang has appeared!!!]=-

2009-08-24T16:38:00.003+08:00

Zhuge Liang has appeared~! Now I'm totally hooked onto The Three Kingdoms. AND I'm also getting near to the Red Cliff part. Yea yea~!

Taiko competition is over~ I'm not really sure which stage I progressed to, but already quite far lah. LOL. 1.8k tickets away from Golden Mahjong Set (GMS).

Back to work~!

-=[Natsu Matsuri]=-

2009-08-22T23:58:00.003+08:00

Attended my first ever Natsu Matsuri today~! Its so freaking crowded, and the food queues are horrible. Not to mention quite expensive. But overall, I had fun! I was one of the few without an advance ticket and Sky and Kyon had to stand in line with me even though they already had tickets. Haha. Thanks man~! Love the "yo-yos" that the 2 of them caught for me. Next year we'll be smarter and bring our own food instead. xD

I'm so happy so have met Kyon. He's the first person I've ever met who loves durian as much as me. And yesterday, we went to the back of Bugis Village to eat durians. Haha. First time I've ever eat "roadside durians" with a friend. And I know I don't have to worry about Gray being jealous that I hang out with Kyon too much. Keke~

Taiko competition tomorrow. I have to be at Iluma at 11.30am. No time to sleep again. Why do my weekends keep getting burnt????? I reached home this morning at close to 6am, and kept getting woken up by sms-es and the bloody postman who wouldn't stop ringing the doorbell AND knocking on the door. First time I've ever met such a persistent courier guy. Then headed to Simei to meet Sky to go to to the Natsu Matsuri and we kept getting weird stares because from people because of his yukata. Which I really don't understand because there were many other people wearing yukatas as well. Even worse; when we were queuing to get my ticket, some woman was blatantly staring at him as though he was a freak. So I asked him to stare back at her boobs with a "Yucks!" expression and we all fell about laughing. =P

Anyways, I know I won't possibly win the competition tomorrow, but I was forced by Yuu to sign up, so I got to go no matter what. Just hope that I don't get thrashed too bad. Most probably will head to Mushroom to pop some bubbles after that. I'm 2k tickets away from the golden mahjong set!!! At first I thought it was white so I wanted the black one, but now I know its actually gold, I'm so gonna aim for it! So that next year's CNY when my relatives come, they can STOP complaining about how small my current set is. Although I don't think I'll be in Singapore during that time. Keke.

I've asked my colleague how much it cost him and his girlfriend to go to Taiwan just 2 weeks ago, and he told me less than $2k. Which I supposed is pretty reasonable for 6 days. But he didn't go to the "rural" areas, so it wasn't that fun for him. Plus, now with the aftermath of the typhoon, it doesn't seem ideal to visit Taiwan. But I really really want to go...... Korea can wait another year. xD I've told Dear that I hope we can go with a few friends, 'cuz its always been my dream to go travelling with friends. So anyone who's interested to go either Taiwan or Korea, let me know okays? Haha. Looking to fly around CNY period next year. Headache with finances though. *Sighs*

-=[-]=-

2009-08-20T00:07:00.002+08:00

Just when I got the itch to blog, Blogger's down again. =.="

Guess I have no choice but to go back to reading Three Kingdoms. I'm 300+ pages away from the part when Zhuge Liang appears. So looking forward to it. But like I mentioned to Gray, the more I read, the more I get disillusioned by the "positive image" of Liu Bei because at the very end, he's just another war general, albeit with a little more honour and humanity than some others. Haha.

And its amazing to "realise" just how civilised the world has become in the span of more than a thousand years. The book depicts many many scenes where the severed heads of enemies are displayed publicly. Its like, EWWWW!!! Can you imagine putting a genuine human head in front of your door? YUCKS! Seems like our ancestors had a unique fondness of beheading each other. *Puke* The storyline is good, although people with no love for history probably shouldn't bother, because there are just too many names to remember. The characters turn good, then bad, then good again and as the story pregresses, it gets quite difficult to keep track of who's who and whether he's a traitor or not. Haha.

Alright~! Shall not bore anyone with all the TK blabbing. Anyone's who interested can borrow the book(s) from me, but if you spoil them, you gotta refund me. Sleepy~~~

-=[Template Updated!]=-

2009-08-16T01:50:00.002+08:00

I promised I'd update my template this weekend and so I did. What did I update ah? Nothing lah. Just added the link to Simin's blog and took away the music player. Haha. No major changes, because I'm too lazy, have better things to do and surfing for new skins is such a chore.

Got to go to the temple to "bai bai" to my grandmother tomorrow. Early day~ I probably should be sleeping soon. Just ironing out a few things with Gray. Haha.

Nothing much to blog about actually. Just thought I'd put up a post since I'd already logged in to do the template. *Yawns* This is the reason I do not update my blog regularly. xD Check back in about... another month or so? Haha~!

-=[1st time in months]=-

2009-08-14T00:43:00.003+08:00

I haven't reached home this late on a weekday night in months! And it feels weird, not to mention tiring. I'm someone who needs her sleep (at least 5 hours a day) so I every night, I make sure I'm home by 10pm and in bed by 12 plus to 1am. Which is quite a record achievement for me since I'd been reaching home between 1 am to 7am for the past 2-3 years. Keke.

Anyway, reached home today to find a surprise waiting for me: the Three Kingdoms book set that I order months and months ago finally arrived!!!!!! All my sister's fault for the delay but I'm so happy right now I don't care. Mwahahahah! The only thing is, the packaging looks a little old and tattered. ZZZZZZZZ~

Don't ask me why I'm in such a happy mood now, because I don't know the reason either. FC-ed Do-Dai and Gear Up at Iluma today, and still considering whether to join the Taiko competition. It seems pretty pointless to waste $9 joining a competition that I confirm cannot win. I'm more interested in spending the $9 on tokens to spam on the bubble machine at Mushroom. xD 480 tickets and counting...~ Yuu will probably kill me when she reads this though. =P

Calculating and recalculating my expenses and savings and blah blah blahs and keep wondering whether I'll ever have enough for my trip to Taiwan. Most likely I'm going to postpone it to next year though. Lots of long weekends and CNY is uber long. Go collect the angbaos to finance abit then fly off. Keke. Okay I know that's a little far from now, but time really flies you know? I've been with my company for 3 months already and although I can't exactly say that I LOVE the company, I don't want to leave either.

Life seems very busy all of a sudden, with work, classes, gym, post-funeral rites to attend and all sorts of other whatnots. And among all these, I've got to find time for Gray too. I promised him I'd give our relationship another shot and I really will try. Sorry that this time its me who's being so "I-don't-know-how-to-say", and sorry for repeating myself over and over again, but so much has happened within these past few months that I'm having a hard time coping. Slowly snapping out of my "sian" mood, with more of my old enthusiasm coming back, but still exhausted at the end of every day. I don't know why either. I'm not trying to bitch or anything, but sometimes it really feels as though there's no time to rest. Maybe just super lousy time management on my part but STILL...... *Sighs*

Shall not destroy my happy mood with more ramblings. Enjoy the MV~

I know this is DAMN outdated, but they NEVER fail to put a HUGE smile on my face. ^^!

Off to bed with sweet dreams~!

P.S. I know the background music probably seems very annoying by now, thanks to the 30 second thingy. I will take it off when I update my template this weekend, so bear with it for another few days. No more music for a while though.

-=[RaNdOm]=-

2009-08-08T01:06:00.004+08:00

Slowly getting out of the "sian" mood, but every now and then, I still feel very lethargic. And my body is honestly tired. I haven't had a proper day of rest since the first day of the funeral and I think things are going to continue this way until at least after the Natsu Matsuri. Almost everyday is filled with some kind of activity, and work and school are stuff that can't be avoided. Totally exhuasted. And I've put off revamping my room by about another month, simply due to the lack of time (and funds). Tempted to take a day's leave to just rest at home, but I think I'll save my leave for my trip to Taiwan. Haha~

Regarding work... No comments. Lol. Almost everyday, there are conflicting emotions. I'm still trying to decide between opening up and being more reserved. No matter what Crystal says, work and home is just too different. Maybe its just my personality.

Alot of people call me naive, while some say that I just refuse to face reality. But to me, I KNOW what the real world is like. Or rather, I'm slowly getting a very clear idea. I know that the world isn't perfect. Far from it, the world is actually a very ugly place. Its filled with a lot of "two-facedness", a lot of backstabbing, a lot of selfishness. My concern is that if I allow myself to accept and meld into society as it is, then how different am I from those people whom I can't tolerate? Not saying that I'm perfect or anything, but I know myself well enough to confidently say that I'm not THAT bad. YET. Haha~!

I'm trying hard to adapt, and I know if I want to "relax", I need to do just that. Yet somehow, there are things that are just beyond my boundaries. But that's blogging material for another day lah~ xD

TKDJ is getting so dead. There's an upcoming taiko competition, but where's my enthusiasm? I can't find it. I've gone 2 weeks without taiko-ing, without even touching my bachis, yet I don't exactly miss it, although neither am I sick of it. I seriously don't really feel like joining the competition. I might not even want to go down to Iluma on the competition day. Guess that'll depend on my mood when the date draws nearer.

I know my sinking into such a mood is a very bad thing, and I'm trying to pull myself out, but seriously speaking, the only bright sparks in my life at this point is hankering after Jerry Yan (xD!), listening to the same playlist thousands of times, and looking forward to going to Taiwan, although the latter hasn't been confirmed yet. Oh! And I'm aiming to start my vocal lessons like next year? Hopefully I will FINALLY have some savings by then. Limiting myself to spending a maximum of $70 per week so as to save as much money as possible. And considering taking up a few tuition cases for some extra bucks too~

I'm still constantly bugging people to go KBOX with me though. So people who are interested can feel free to "jio" me anytime. Keke. Maybe I should plan on installing a KTV system in my future home, but I want it to be like Kbox style where all the songs are stored on a database so that I don't have to change CDs or anything. Wonder how much that will cost. Hmmm~ Its a nice dream though. Haha.

Right. Bedtime. Please pardon me for another "rojak" post, but I guess that's just how my brain works. So many thoughts floating around that they all just end up meshing together. Wish I could be like Dumbledore and dump some into a Pensieve or whatever you call that thing that stores your memories. My eyes are half-closed already. Ironic how just half a year ago, this kind of time was my most active and awake time. I'm getting O-L-D~

P.S. I wanna go watch the Hossan Leong Show. And "Defending the Caveman" is making a rerun around September. Might wanna catch it since I missed the first round in March. $$$. Wish I could print my own. HAHA~!

P.P.S Just read through some of my previous entries. How coincidental that one day after that "happier post" on the 26th, Grandma passed away and from then all, my mood just went downhill so fast; and its a tough climb back up.

-=[A bReAk FrOm LiFe'S jOuRnEy]=-

2009-08-02T22:37:00.003+08:00

Life is a journey that's full of twists and turns.

I think I'm at the point in life where I'm very sick and tired of everything. I just want to stop and take a breather; just want to be alone for a while to sort out my thoughts and feelings. Right now, I really don't have the energy to bother about anything or anyone. Call me selfish or whatever you want, but I think i deserve some time to myself every once in a while. Other than work and gym, I honestly can't drag up the energy to be enthusiastic about anything else. I've even put off revamping my own room to the next 2 weekends.

I know whatever is wrong with me now isn't a good thing at all. I know shutting myself in and everyone else out is bad for my mental health. I'm not depressed or being "emo", but I'm just very "sian" about everything right now. Maybe its because I've been seeing my relatives too much for this past week; maybe its because too many things have been going on lately. I'm VERY tired. Starting to get very short-tempered again. Any single tiny thing can set me off and make me feel very pissed off, and I'm trying my best to change that. I guess I just need to be alone to sort myself out for now.

I don't wish for anyone to worry about me; I'm not trying to seek attention and I really couldn't be bothered if people get sick of me and leave me. I just don't have the mood to bother about all these things. I'm sorry to everyone who gets affected by my mood, which is why I'm not trying to socialise with friends, because I don't want to affect their moods as well. Please pardon me for the sudden "whatever-you-want-to-call-it" attitude.

-=[Exhausted]=-

2009-08-02T00:45:00.005+08:00

Throughly exhausted these few days.

One week of facing all those relatives really made my mood plummet to an all-time low. It makes me feel as though I really don't fit into this world. Like, how come everyone can find it so easy to be so fake; to put on a mask to face other people? Then isn't everyone just being hypocrites? *Sighs*

Hate the way human mind works. Hate how complicated everything has to be; how difficult it is to show one's true "face". Hate why everyone only bothers to see the surface of things; how they NEVER take the time or effort to use their hearts and understand.

For now, I just want some peace in my life. Please, no more unexpected shocks or surprises, no more "big problems" to settle. I just wanna go to work, hit the gym, chill at home with my VCDs and my music. That's all I want for now. Too tired to bother about anything or anyone. I know its really bad of me, but right now, I really don't have the energy to be concerned about other people's matters. Let me be selfish for a while. I need to recover my spirits.

P.S. Been super addicted to this song, for no special reason at all:

-=Lack of Updates=-

2009-07-26T16:55:00.006+08:00

Aha! Haven't updated this space for an entire month! So many things have happened that I'm really lazy to go into details. LOL. Basicially I broke up with Gray, settled down very well into my new job, got addicted to fan fiction on winglin.net, and alot of other minor stuffs. Haha. Its funny how 2 days ago I was planning on what to update my blog with, and I actually thought of alot of stuff to blog about, but now that I'm actually blogging, I've got brain block again. BLEAH~

The breakup... well, there's nothing to talk about, is there? Feelings come and go, relationships start and end. Maybe one day we might get together again; maybe not. I'm leaving it to fate. xD

As for my new job... I'm happy to say that for most of the stuff, I know how to handle already. POs in and out, DOs and Invoices in and out, and all the miscellaneous administrative stuff. But sometimes still feel that the lady boss doesn't really like me. And then I ask myself: Should I care, or should I not care? Its never nice to have the feeling that someone dislikes you, but its also too beneath me if you ask me to humble myself and kiss her toes; or that kinda thing. Tempted to just leave things be, but there's always a BUT. Haha.

Been totally obsessed with reading fanfics on winglin.net for the past half a week. Its not your typical anime fanfic; the authors write their own original stories and cast their favourite actors/actresses from Chinese showbiz. And I'm zero-ing in on those with Alec Su, Jerry Yan and Barbie Hsu. Haha. Some of the writing is really terrible because the English standard is just HORRIBLE. But some write very well. Here's one of my recommendations: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/crjnb8.

I've been doing so much reading lately that I'm almost turning into a bookworm. And recently I realised that if I have meals without having something to read at the same time, I feel weird. Haha~

And something else for me to be happy about: Taiko 12 is out!!!!!! xD

Yuu and I were at Arcadia from their opening time, way till 11.30pm. That's like, 12 hours spent in an arcade, emptying all our tokens into 1 machine the entire time. Well, except for some spent on Pocky and Beatmania. Haha. I FC-ed Gear up!!! That's like, the first time I FC such "higher standard" songs. Heck, I can't even FC Seasons of Asia luh~! Keke.

The whole day, no one managed to get near the machine except for Taiko Dojo members, with me and Yuu the "constant guardians". Haha. Mind you, I'm not proud that I spent so much money on such frivolous stuffs, but taiko-ing is one of my major "entertainment interests", so to me, its all worth it. Besides, I only pumped $20 into the machine whereas Yuu spent $70. =P Looking forward to the next taiko session. ^^!

Next sunday, I'll be attending my "uncle's" wedding dinner. Another excuse to go re-manicure my nails! They're so long now that I could gauge out someone's eyes easily. Not that I would do such a thing lah! =P

Before I sign off, I would like to extend my utmost gratitude to people like Sky, Yuu, Yue and certain other individuals who were there beside me during the entire time where I was having so much trouble adapting to the breakup and the new job at the same time. Thanks for listening to me nag on and on about my problems, for counselling me and telling me comfort words, for cheering me up with crap jokes and most of all, for just being there for me to lean on. Love you guys man!!! Keke.

And with that, I'm off to reading my fanfics again. Homecooked dinner + interesting story to read = Yummy Heaven. HAHA!

-=Random Tidbits=-

2009-06-24T12:33:00.003+08:00

Argh! Haven't updated for so long!

Some random tidbits before I go for lunch:

Boss and Lady Boss "on leave". HURRAY! Haha.

TKDJ chalet 90% organised. Abit more food to buy and we're all set!

HUGE thank you to Sky and Yuu for accompanying me yesterday and giving so much valuable advice and counsel, especially Sky, who took 22 back to Tampines with me and had to walk home alone. >.<>

Yuu still owes me Kbox!

Yue owes me Marche!

I feel so loved man. Everyone is offering to treat me. My turn soon. LOL. *Selected people only.* Haha!

I've found a new kind of happiness, even though I still hate certain shameless people who really deserve to die.

And last but not least, I'm hungrily waiting for lunch!!! Didn't manage to eat breakfast, except for a cup of Milo and I'm starving now. T.T

That's all till the next post! xDDDD

P.S. I've sms-ed too much!!!!

-=Boss and Lady Boss=-

2009-06-05T12:39:00.003+08:00

Ah SHAT! Almost made a grave mistake just now. Thanks Nic, for calling and telling me. xD

So envious of my boss and lady boss. Their chemistry and everything screams their status loud and clear. Hopefully one day Dear and I will be like that too. *Wistful smile*

-=3rd Week=-

2009-06-03T12:02:00.003+08:00

This is my 3rd week at Interwell. And right now, I'm all alone in the office!!! LOL. Everyone's out either doing sales or on service and the lady boss and my other colleague went to the bank. Keke. So far everything's been working out fine. I like the working environment, I'm okay with my boss and colleagues and I'm adapting well to my job scope. There's just so much to learn!

Went to the gym yesterday with Dear after so many months, and now my arms are aching like hell. After one year of using a private gym, we're so not used to the public one that we couldn't follow our usual routine properly. And the treadmills are totally crowded man~

Suddenly I have so many places that I wanna go to, but just not enough time. Going out after work is a chore and weekends pass so damn fast that the weeks just whiz past like time has been doubly speeded up or something. I still miss the free old days where I could spend every single day with Dear or with Yuu and the rest, but I don't dread going to work anymore. ^^

I suddenly feel like I've mellowed alot over the past weeks. Not that tense, not that restless, not so easily worked-up nowadays. Even though I've been putting in lesser hours of sleep than before. But I realise that I like the feeling of waking up early. Of being able to experience a full day. Now if only I could force myself to wake up just as early on weekends, everything would be PERFECT. Haha.

Off to browse the forum~ Now hungrily waiting for lunch. xD I hope today isn't going to be too busy.

Oh and, CONGRATS TO THE TAIKO DOJO TEAM FOR GETTING INTO THE DRUMZOUT FINALS!!!! JIAYOU @ VIVO CITY!!!

-=Blogging From Work=-

2009-06-01T11:33:00.004+08:00

Blogging from work!!! Hahas! I definitely like this job. Now that I'm starting to learn the ropes well, I 'm free to surf the Net, chat on MSN and whatever else I want everyday, since I clear my work normally around 11am.

Thanks very much to Crystal for teaching me so much stuff and for being so patient with me. Sometimes she looks so fierce and scary but she's actually very nice~!!!

~*~

So many things' been happening these past few weeks that its enough to drive one suicidal. Not that I am lah.

Went to O Bar with Yue, Yuu and XH last Saturday and it was fun! Laugh and laugh and laugh. Just felt bad for Lisa. And surprisingly, Heineken tastes quite nice. And since Yuu couldn't drink, Yue was having a mocktail and XH didn't like the taste of beer, I ended up drinking majority of it. Mwahahaha~ Sang a little bit using their lousy microphones and had to sit through some woman who sang WAY off-key and without analog. Some people honestly have way too much self-confidence. LOL.

Lunchtime soon~ Back to news-reading for now. ^^

P.S I wanna go check out the da Vinci exhibit at the Science Centre~!!!!
P.P.S Shilin Mee Sua for lunch. Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-=[Work]=-

2009-05-23T02:23:00.003+08:00

Work is... confusing. There are so many new things that I'm coming into contact with for the first time. Whoever said that admin was an easy job? No way man~ You're in charge of literally EVERYTHING and you have to have the information that your other colleagues need at the back of your mind and be able to call that info. up anytime.

I MUST PERSEVERE.

After waking up at 6.45am everyday for the past four days, I'm feeling totally weird. I haven't been waking up at such ungodly hours for almost 3 years. This is so gonna take some getting used to...

Doing so many darn things at a time.

Juggling my new job, and in the midst of planning for my tuition thing with YY (Yue). Its the second time I've attempted to set up this whole...... thingy~ And hopefully this time, everything will work out. I've got so many things on my list to buy, and so limited a budget that its frustrating~! Anyone who's interested to be a tutor or has siblings who need tuition, please drop me an email @ tough_jennifer@hotmail.com.

I'm also doing this freelance headhunting thingy, so if you or your friends are looking for jobs, feel free to send me a copy of your resume. Please state the kind of jobs you are looking for, as well as the areas that you're willing to work in, and I will try my best to do job matchings for you. Resume should also include date of availability, current & expected salary. Please send in your resumes to rubytst@gmail.com.

Now you know what I mean by SO MANY DARN THINGS. LOL. Suddenly it seems like I'm embarking on way too many "firsts" all at the same time.

I totally miss spending time with Dear, and hanging out with Yuu and company. Suddenly 24 hours seems to be too little. Won't be online much on weekends from now on, because I shall be busy accompanying Dear and taunting out at various places. Busy busy busy bumblebee~!!!

-=New Job AGAIN=-

2009-05-19T01:28:00.003+08:00

Another new job, another bout of nervousness.

Only this time, its no more a temporary job. And I'll be doing something I've never done before: work office hours in an actual office with office-related duties. LOL. Really really really damn nervous wondering how everything will turn out.

I'm so gonna miss late nights out with Yuu and Dear and sometimes Xiuhui, and I'm gonna miss staying up late at night just to aimlessly click on random links on the internet.

I'm so gonna look forward to the pay.

-=New Job=-

2009-05-14T02:34:00.002+08:00

I officially start at my new job in Ubi next Tuesday. *Nervous* Hope everything goes well. At least for the 2 months that I am bound to commit.

Accompanied Yuu to her job interview (recommended by yours truly~) today, and did alot of chatting. About TKDJ people, about the upcoming DrumZout and about some other miscellanous stuff. And spent the rest of the time not chatting trying to irritate each other. LOL. Anyone know where I can buy a toy hammer?

XH has quit Zone X too~! Wahahahaha. Everyone should just quit the damn company and let it fall~! Arcadia rocks man! Taiko 12 is coming out soon!!!

Suddenly lost all mood to blog. And that's like the 100th time this has happened in the middle of a blog post. Sians. I'll just end off here. xD

Bad Day At Work

2009-05-08T02:24:00.005+08:00

I'm so lucky that I think I might just win the 1st prize for 4D.

First day of work at Robinsons and I managed to "kind-of-dislocate" my knee within 3 hours of starting. I don't know what happened either. One moment I was so happy that I have another interview lined up next week and the next thing I know, my knee went "CRACK" and I was sitting on the floor. It was so freaking painful I couldn't even stand up for close to 5 minutes lah.

And now the pain is still there. My sis wanted me to go to A&E, but I think that's a real crazy idea.

Working at the Ladies' Shoes and Handbags department is both an advantage AND a disadvantage. The plus factor is that there aren't many people, and customers usually come with just one or two items, but I get tempted by all the shoes and bags. I really don't wanna end up giving all my pay back to Robinsons. LOL.

Looking forward to my off day next Wednesday. Outing at DTE again~!!!

-=Love & Co=-

2009-05-04T03:34:00.002+08:00

My favourite designs from Love & Co. xD

-=[Fed Up]=-

2009-05-02T01:15:00.003+08:00

Totally fed up with Ice's "emo-ness". GROW UP AND GET A LIFE LUH~!!!

Don't pretend you don't care about scores when you keep ranting about them. Stop acting as though we are the ones who decide to ostracise you; reflect on your own words and actions. GRRRRRR.

Its so weird luh~ Like, just years back, I was almost as bad as him, but now, seeing him going about acting as though the world has failed him... it just pisses me off. And now I finally understand how freaking annoying my attitude was. Oh well. At least I'm game enough to admit it. xP

~*~

Finally visited the Kangxi exhibition yesterday. There wasn't much to see, but I'm totally fascinated by the paintings and literary works. And I find it such a pity that after so many thousand years of majestic reign by the Chinese emperors, the communist people had to step in and literally try to destroy all that history. Real sad.

~*~

I received the weirdest sms from my cousin today.

He was like, "Mothers' Day is coming. You wanna hold a joint celebration?"

Now if this were anyone else's cousin, such an sms would probably be deemed normal. But you see, the relationship between me and my relatives is one such that we don't see each other unless out of forced neccessity. Like Chinese New Year for one.

So in a still-very-stunned-state, I asked him whether he had sms-ed the wrong person.

Nope. He just got the idea and is trying to put it into action.

Cynical me is still very suspicious of his motives, even up till this point, which is like, hours after we've finished texting each other. I mean come on! This is totally way way WAY out of the blue. And super abnormal. And I don't like his mom. Definitely W-E-I-R-D.

But okay lor... since I've got no better ideas, can't say no without appearing bad (aunties sure to gossip one luh) and he agreed to do all the planning. So I just have to sit back, relax and turn up.

Although I'm not too sure about the "we the children do the cooking" part. I mean, can any of them actually cook??? xD

Last two days at PL tomorrow and Sunday. After that its off to Robinsons. But before that, I've got an interview at Scotts Road and if I get that job then screw Robinsons. Let's keep our fingers crossed.

~*~

I love you too, my dear. XoXo.

-=[AWARE]=-

2009-05-01T02:32:00.003+08:00

Recently there's been all this debacle over the new and old AWARE committees.

As on Facebook, I pledge my support to the old committee.

Because I believe in supporting people who are truly dedicated to their cause; in supporting people who know what they are doing and why they are doing it. Not a bunch of conservative religious freaks who think they are superior to everyone else. These people are the main reason why non-Christians hate Christianity so much. As if its not enough to preach to every single person on the road regardless of whether they already have a religion or not, such groups of people actually try to dominate groups like AWARE, just so they can weed out things that are not to their liking.

I hate vegetables, so the whole world must not eat them, plant them or sell them. I love durian, so you better love it as much as me or you're one big FUCKING sinner.

To all those retards who still don't understand this simple fact: Homosexuality is not a CHOICE. Its something you were BORN with, and it doesn't make you any different from anyone else. You're still a HUMAN BEING. Its just like how we don't choose whether we were born black, white or yellow; its just like how handicapped people didn't choose to be born this way.

The whole world talks of racial equality. Of being considerate and kind to the handicapped and the less-fortunate. Then why ostracise homosexuals just because they are another group of minorities?

Equality: the state or quality of being equal; correspondence in quantity, degree, value, rank, or ability.

So who went and gave those god-damned people the right to do as they please in the name of religion? Who gave them the right to just take over an organisation that was doing damn well and try to turn it topsy-turvy, when said people don't even understand what are the core values, the vision and the mission of that organisation?

For a society that's supposedly so modern, we sure have lots of people, ideas, social stigma and what-nots that are truly backdated. We've still got lots of "growing up" to do man...

-=[Off Day(s)]=-

2009-04-27T01:39:00.003+08:00

Olay~! Another off day tomorrow!!! Been sleeping at all sorts of odd hours this week. My bio-clock is probably super haywire now. Slacked at AMK Mac with XH, Yuu, Dear and CC all the way until 6am. Super shagged, since I had to go work at 11. Managed to clock in about 4 hours of sleep and went to work feeling like a zombie.

Indefinite off until Freddy calls me or until this coming weekend, whichever happens first. And then its off to Robinsons.

Please pardon me for all that ranting in the last part of my previous post. Tiredness does terrible things to "gloominise" one's mood. Even though its just an exact echo of my opinion and thoughts.

I forgot to mention a pleasant surprise at work yesterday, and that was that I saw my "uncle" at the Parc Lumiere showflat~! Haha. His mom and my aunt was there too. He bought a 5-rooom unit there with his wife at $477k. And when I commented that it was expensive, my aunt was like, "No its cheap already lah." O.O So freaking rich. *Envious*

Life feels so different after just 1 week of working at PL. Maybe its the change of environment, or maybe its the office hours, but my daily routine has been totally changed. Quite enjoyable though, except that I don't get to see Dear everyday anymore. =( Random tidbit: 4 months plus to our 3rd anniversary~!!! Lol.

Planning for TKDJ chalet is so damn tiring. Now I know why people don't like to do such things. Because people just can't co-operate on such things. Its not that difficult to give a simple yes or no, especially since it falls on a weekend. And then there's the problem of payment. *Yawn*

Time to go back to sleep AGAIN. Expect this blog to rot for some time. I just don't know what to update about~!

-=Update=-

2009-04-25T03:09:00.003+08:00

Been some time since I last blogged.

The job at Parc Lumiere really drains all the energy out of me every single day. For some reason, I've become the unofficial IC of the backend office, along with Shalynn and the two of us are in "constant demand" by the agents, by the options counter people, by the frontdesk receptionists, by the directors, by EVERYONE. I really don't know whether to be honoured or to feel unlucky...

After clocking in 5 full shifts and 1 half shift including 12 and 13 hour shifts last Saturday and Sunday respectively, I finally got my off day today. Or technically speaking, yesterday. On thursday after work, I travelled all the way down to AMK Hub simply because I had the urge to taiko and ended spending the entire day with Dear, Yuu and XH there. Reached home yesterday morning 5am. Funnily, my mom didn't scream at me. Phew. xD Woke up at 1pm, lunched and bitched about my relatives with my mom and sis and then went down to Yishun to accompany Dear to dye his hair.

Let me sidetrack a little here: Jean Yip is a company that CHEATS THEIR CUSTOMERS' MONEY~!!! And its not slander okay. Before we went in, we asked them how much it would cost to cut and dye and the person quoted us $68. Already abit expensive, but I persuaded Dear to just go ahead with it. The person was very nice and polite; good service and everything. The works. He even very nicely did some hair spa thingy for Dear, saying that it's good for the scalp and will protect the hair. ALL THE WHILE NOT SAYING ANYTHING ABOUT ADDITIONAL COSTS INVOLVED. Then when we went to pay, we were billed a whopping $108. WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK. How can they just charge us WITHOUT TELLING US? Its not about the money, its about the principle. Seriously. WHAT THE NBCB IS THIS MAN?!??!?! SO DAMN PISSED OFF.

Anyway, after that Dear and I met up with Yuu, had dinner at Ishi Mura and then headed off to DTE to taiko and ended up staying at the arcade till midnight. Was feeling a little frustrated because I couldn't win at computer mahjong and then my taiko-ing somehow sucked more than normal. Went for supper at McDonalds after that, all the while disturbing Sky, who was there working the night shift. Lol. I think the manager looked quite pissed with us but we didn't give a damn. xD

Back to work tomorrow. Half of me looks forward to going back while the other half can't wait for the next break. LOL.

And speaking about work, I simply have to rant about my childish colleagues. 20 year old polytechnic graduates and going about looking for jobs together. I mean, I've got no problem with that, but you really don't have to stick together like super glue lah. That's what PRIMARY SCHOOL kids do okay? Its like, simple things like asking them whether they want to work the next day also have to wait for them to call and sms for half the day before they can finally give a definite answer. WTF. And that day during work, they just disappeared for close to half an hour and Shalynn and I had to cover their asses when the bosses asked us where they were. Irresponsibility. I hate people like that.

As time passes, I'm getting to see society and the humans in it much more clearly than I used to. What was once a sheltered world full of beautiful flowers has become an ugly garden with thorns hidden in the flowers. I don't know to be sad that the world is actually like this, or to be glad that I am able to distinguish the thorns and protect myself.

I still don't understand how people can be so fake, but I have started to understand why people do it. There are still many many things about society and its inhabitants that I do not understand; things I won't care to elaborate in case I offend others, but seriously, sometimes things that are common sense to me just doesn't seem to be the case for others. Is it because they are too sheltered in their world, or is it because they just have not grown up in their minds?

-=[HDB "Condos"]=-

2009-04-14T02:46:00.004+08:00

So I got this job as a showroom usher at some to-be-built HDB condominium at Simei and today was the "2nd interview" where actually all they did was show us around our stations and brief us on our various duties. Its a 3-week stint that starts this coming Saturday, but that's not what I wanna blog about, because I've already mentioned some of this in my previous post.

During the "tour" around the entire showroom area, we were taken to the 2 sample units, a 4 room unit and a 5 room unit.

The moment I entered the 4room unit, I started imagining myself staying in a place like that.

The moment I entered the 5 room unit, I was totally sold. S-O-L-D. Maybe it was the way they arranged the "furniture", or maybe it was the way they presented the entire outlook with the lighting and everything, but I LOVED it.

Its like a dream come true: cosy living room, with balcony big enough for BBQs and mahjong tables, bomb shelter that can be transformed into a cutesy study room and bedrooms that are exactly like the kind I want. Except, of course, no walk-in wardrobes. xD

The units are exactly like condo units, just that you don't have to pay for monthly facilities that you hardly use. In fact, there aren't any swimming pools or such, because it isn't really a condo. It just looks like one. Complex huh?

Nevermind that the living room and kitchen/dining room area can fit into MY living room, or that the rooms are like 20% smaller than my current house, or that the toilet is too small to fit in a bathtub. With Singapore being so small, what can you expect man? And its PERFECT for couples. Cosy, not too big, not too small, and trendy looking. I TOTALLY WANT TO BUY A UNIT TOO!!! =(

And guess what? It comes with a really nice sounding name too. Parc Lumiere. Sounds so dreamy~

And yea lah, I'm probably dreaming lah, but still~ Its something girls dream of all the time, right?

Hopefully when the time comes for Dear and I to start looking around for apartments, HDB still has got such projects. And it would be even more wonderful for the space area to be big enough for bathtubs and walk-in wardrobes. That would be a dream come true man... xD

Now to wait until Saturday when the price list will be mounted onto the wall, and then get a huge shock of my life.

I'm guessing about $300k and up for a 5 room unit. Any takers?

P.S On another note... the size of houses in Singapore have shrunk so much from the time our parents bought our houses that it makes me wonder how big the flats will be in about 8 years' time.

P.P.S I just calculated. If Dear and I save up $100 every month starting next year, by the end of 7 years, we'll have only close to $17k in our bank accounts. HOW TO BUY HOUSE WITH THAT KIND OF MONEY?!?!?!?!

-=[Showflat Usher]=-

2009-04-11T02:08:00.005+08:00

Starting work next week at Simei next week as some showroom usher. 3 weeks only though. xD New clothes and shoes to buy tomorrow~

Watched Knowing with Dear at Northpoint today. Pretty disappointed by the ending. Too much "Jesus Christ" involved.

To those who don't yet know, Knowing is about this little girl, Lucinda, back in 1959 who could predict the future because certain "people" were whispering them to her. Her idea of planting a time capsule at her school for fifty years catches the principal's fancy, and while her classmates are drawing pictures for their future peers, she's busy scribbling down the dates that major catastrophes will happen over the next fifty years, right down to the last day-October 19th 2009, supposedly Earth's Doomsday.

Fast forward to present day and John (Nicholas Cage) is a widower with a son in elementary school, not-so-coincidentally the exact same elementary school as Lucinda, and not-so-coincidentally gets the "letter" scribbled with numbers that was buried in the time capsule along with her classmates' drawings.

So the story progresses and John not-so-coincidentally finds out that those numbers are actually dates of major disasters that happened around the world, in chronological order. He tries to convince his friend to help him, but is taken for some loony-bin so proceeds on his own and ends up witnessing 2 tragedies that leave him feeling ? I don't know whether to interpret his expressions as helpless or frightened. xD Anyway, Doomsday is finally almost here, and this is the part where it suddenly gets all "christiany". I'm not gonna do any spoilers here, but this is definitely just another case of a good movie spoiled by a shit ending. 3.5 stars.

Of course, it isn't as bad as movies like The Day The Earth Stood Still- had to google to get the movie title correct. Shows how bad it was- but its does spoil things for non-Christians like me. Especially the very last scene. Clue: go watch the movie and compare the last scene to that of the Adam and Eve in the whatever-garden with that tree in the Bible. There's a tree in the Bible right? Don't really remember, seeing as I've never read a Bible before. Lol.

This post isn't meant to be religiously-offensive or anything; just the musings of a non-Christian. Overall, its still a nice movie to catch, and the kid's acting is pretty excellent as well. Worth a weekend ticket at $8/$10.

Shopping tomorrow-YAY~!!! Wish Xiaohui could accompany me though... Oh well. Goodnight.

-=[Boreddddddd]=-

2009-04-07T07:22:00.004+08:00

So bored that I spent 1 hour doing Facebook quizzes.

2 more interviews later today; hope I get the temporary Robinsons' job.

Watched Love by myself yesterday while waiting for Dear to knock off. Its the 1st time I've ever watched a movie alone, and its kinda weird. The movie wasn't too bad, but there were parts that I found to be too boring. Lucky Dear didn't come with me, or I'd never get any peace from him. LOL.

Also watched Handsome Suit on Saturday night and it was pretty comedic. Quite predictable though, and it wasn't just us. The rest of the audience could be heard making their own "predictions". Overall okay lah, but not really a huge loss if you don't manage to catch the show. Looking forward to Know1ng and 17 Again.

Long day today~ I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to survive without sleep but I guess I've just got to hang on. No movie today. No shopping today. I'm dragging Dear home after the Robinsons' interview to SLEEP. Oh and he still owes me massage. Good good~

Can I like, speed up time? 'Cuz I'm feeling really sleepy now.

P.S I still have no idea what to get for Dear's birthday. He says he doesn't want anything fancy or too expensive; headache. What do you get a guy who's already content with whatever he has now???

-=Funny shows=-

2009-04-02T21:19:00.004+08:00

Rotting my ass off at Dear's house. LOL. His parents have gone overseas and won't be back till Saturday. Which leaves ME to take care of Sheltie. =.="

Watching 老王同學會 now. Some new taiwan "idol" drama, with the main cast all older stars. But pretty hilarious luh. Lazy to type out the synopsis; you can go check it out on Drama Wiki.

Been sending out way too many resumes, and now I'm getting calls every other day.

Interview with Dreamworks Advertising tomorrow. Was supposed to be today but...... Not particularly eager for the job, but... just go and check out what its like luh~ And and and!!! I'm supposed to bring my certs but I can't find them!!! I'm really horrible lah... Keke. I think I need to ask MOE for another copy of my O Level certificate. Its been lost for ages, but I didn't bother to get a replacement because 1. It costs $10 and 2. So far I haven't been needing it for any job hunts. Need it now though. =(

Back to 老王 and his adventures. Update about Kangxi exhibition soon.

P.S. The new Taiwan movie is out in cinemas already!! Titled Love, its actually 4 short stories by 4 different directors who showcase their different views on what they think true love is about. Pretty interesting, and with an impressive cast of all the pretty actresses and handsome actors. Pictures tonight!!!

-=BORED-0

2009-04-01T03:44:00.003+08:00

Argh~!!! I'm so bored right now I wanna scream!!! Its really weird you know. When you're working, all you think of is your lost freedom. Now that I'm jobless, all that extra time feels way too much.

Speaking of jobs, I skipped out on a job interview today because I couldn't find the address. Apparently there are many many blocks in Shun Li Industrial Park, and the person who sms-ed me didn't bother to tell me which block, which floor or which company. And I didn't think to ask. Silly old me. Worst thing is, I accidentally mass-deleted all my sms-es. Back to the job hunt~

And muddle-headed me messed up my lesson schedule. Which means I've missed ANOTHER 2 lessons, all the while thinking I'm on schedule. Something is seriously wrong with me man~

Finally going for the Kangxi exhibit tomorrow. Busy agenda, so I better no oversleep again. After exhibit, Dear and I will be meeting Ice at Bugis to get new bachis. AGAIN. Like seriously, its like we're obsessed with finding the perfect pair of bachis before we die. Still wondering whether to stroll down to the arcade and throw some shit in the bitch's face. Such a tempting idea...

I realise that even today, there are still ALOT of stuff regarding human psychology that I cannot understand. I don't know whether its my brain being stubborn or whether I just can't see the "light", but things that come naturally to Dear takes me ages to figure out. Right now I'm still at the "how-to-read-whether-people-are-being-real-or-fake" part. Out of 100 questions that I have, Dear's managed to answer about half, but I keep on coming up with more questions.

Sorry for that random tidbit, but all these things just keep weighing on me. I tell Dear that I've got this timeline set for myself and I'm very strict with myself regarding the TL, and he says I'm too tensed up. Idiot. In a way, FINE, I'm tense because I don't want to risk any possibility of failure in this aspect of my life, but its not a bad thing to know what you want for your future right???

Okay, its nearing 5am in the morning already. Bedtime. On a relatively unrelated note: I L-O-V-E my hair~!!! So soft, all thanks to the new conditioner I'm using. *hearts* Okies gnites!!!

-=Whatever=-

2009-03-26T03:25:00.004+08:00

So lazy to continue posting photos. Wait another few months luh~ Hahas. Random post to suit my random mood today:

Looking for buyer for my PSP~! Black in colour, its the 1st version, fat one but super new in condition; modified, with 8GB memory. The protector for the metal ring on the back of the casing is still there lor!!! Email me to offer or to find out more. xD Don't send me crap though. Thanks for that.

Had fun on Monday at DTE with Yuu and Sky. Dinner was another hilarious joking session, with poor Sky bearing the brunt of it all, and all because he went and converted himself into a Christian. No religious offense of any sort, but as Yuu put it, we aren't exactly "hong kao" people. Or is that how you pronounce it? No idea. LOL.

I don't know why every single time Yuu and I meet up, we end up laughing like secondary school girls, becoming public nuisances and generally causing embarrassment to everyone else around us. And seriously, its not my fault~!!! She's the one who starts laughing for no reason okay~! But its nice lah. Like she said, we're sure to forget any troubles whenever we're in each other's company. Don't think Dear approves too much though. Keke.

Today's lesson was postponed to Saturday. I almost forgot, and thought I forgot to go for lesson. 2-5pm, on a freaking Saturday! Can't go for Drumzout practice again. Albeit only as a spectator...

If you still haven't guessed, I'm not working at TKA anymore. Quit after my 3rd day. No wish to elaborate, because I'm sick of repeating myself, but in short, there was NOTHING to hold me. Absolutely NOTHING. The people there are seriously C-R-A-P, with permanent PMS and piles screwing up their assholes. Wish I had been posted to AMK, but NOOOO they said no choosing.

But some lucky bastard got AMK, and then tried to mess with me when Dear and I were there yesterday to play LAN. "Sorry, can't give you that computer 'cos its not on", with that fucking face. I told him to turn the damned thing on with the same fucking face. LOL. I enjoy pissing off rude service personnel.

Oops. Time for bed. I still haven't visited the damned musuem; keep putting it off 'cos its really out of the way. But my love for history will triumph. Mwahahahaha~ Update again on Friday!

Photo Entry

2009-03-23T00:10:00.004+08:00

I've got so many pictures to post that I'm not gonna bother with too many words. Read the captions yourself. xD

In order from the "oldest" pictures onwards:

11th November 2008: Celebrating my birthday @ Kbox Marina

From left: Terry, me, Chu Bin and Angie =3 Featuring Jinwen as our camerawoman.

They insisted on a solo picture, so... here you go.

Darling Jinwen, who planned the entire "I sprained my ankle and couldn't come" sob story. Pissed me off, and then made me smil. Thank you girl. XOXO

9th January 2009: Taiko session @ DTE with Yuu

We spent the whole day there, and literally booked the entire machine. LOL. Oh. Saw Slyvester, CK and Mint too.

FC (full combo) of 拜启，於学校　aka 拝啓、学校にて (haikei, gakkou nite) by Yuu. One and only time throughout the day, even though she tried a lot more times.

FC of Seasons of Asia (Coded)-Yuu

FC of Kagekiyo with new high score-Yuu

FC of 黑船来航 (kurofune raikou)-Yuu
All FCs by Yuu because Dear and I just aren't good enough. Lol.

3rd March 2009: Terry's pre-enlistment BBQ "celebration"

With Jinwen and Terry. The poor guy looks so sad. Lol.

Me and my darling. xD

8th March 2009: Outside Nebo Cafe @ Amk Hub, waiting for Dear and XH to knock off.

Me, with Yuu. I forgot who was the photographer. Think it was XH. This is also the night we ended up sitting at McDonald's telling ghost stories until 3am; all because we wanted to take a photo of 3 of us when Hamidah walked past and started telling us about ghosts. Apparently, if you take photos in odd numbers, "something else" will appear to even out the number of people. Damn that woman. Lol.

Strangling Yuu's beloved kapibara keychain. See that thing the red arrow is pointing ar? Yeah, that's it.

4 of us~! One of the rare instances where Dear actually agrees to take a picture with us. Photographed by the kind security guard uncle. Haha.

9th March 2009: Kbox session with Terry and Jinwen @Kbox Marina

Is there something spooky about this photo? How come there's an empty spot? Lol. I went to check the timer and then it went off, so that empty spot was originally for me.

Take 2. With me included~ Oops. That makes 3 people. !!!!!!

Fake celebrity acting cool/cute. xP

14th March 2009: DrumzOut practice at Kebun Baru Community Centre

Poring over the scores and brainstorming on how to make the entire 3 parts harmonise properly. Hmmm......

Don don don don kat, don don don don kat... Err... how arh? xD

2 big drums for Yuu and Brandon and 1 "Mu Yu" for Slyvester.

I took 2 friggin' hours to edit and post all these photos that I'm tired now. The rest, I shall leave to another day. *Stretch and HUGE yawn* Goodnight~!

-=Procrastinating~=-

2009-03-17T02:09:00.004+08:00

Maybe I should take up lessons on how NOT to procrastinate. I realise I tend to do that VERY often. I totally lack self discipline man. And that's not a good thing, because I'll turn into a lazybones. And even after lambasting myself on this blog now, I know its gonna remain the same. Where is motivation and determination when I need it most?!?!?!?!

You guessed it~ I completed NOTHING on my agenda for today. NOTHING. Please excuse me while I drown my "sorrows" in honey stars and milk. xD

-=[BUSY]=-

2009-03-16T04:15:00.003+08:00

1 more day before I officially start work and I can't believe how many things I suddenly have to do. There're videos of Drumzout practice to upload, both onto TKDJ and onto Youtube, pictures to transfer, edit, post up and send to Yuu, payments to CAT and ACCA and 6 more episodes of Flaming Butterfly to finish up. Don't know why they had to name a drama Flaming Butterfly, but the storyline is pretty okay. At least to me lah. LOL.

Super dread receiving mail nowadays, because its either my pathetic bank statement from OCBC or another envelope from ACCA hounding me for money. In POUNDS somemore. I need to stock up more on Panadol.

Went to the IT Show today with Dear, Gias, Kio and my sister. FRIGGING CROWDED. And we ended up walking in circles because Gias insisted on taking us on some shortcut, which turned out to be staff entrance, which was blocked by some stupid security guard. So in the end we had to jostle with the crowd too. Hmmm...

Anyways, the IT Show wasn't really that interesting, especially if you consider the fact the Dear and I aren't exactly swarming in dollar bills right now. Planning to get our lappy during the next IT Fair though. Keke. And we also saw this Bravia 32" LCD TV going at only $749, inclusive of some $50 Choice voucher. Dear was practically salivating lah~! LOL.

Went back down to Taiko with Yuu, Skyne and XH after that, ditching my Sis with Gias and Kio. LOL. So bad of me, but... who cares? xP

When men say that women say things and don't mean it, they forgot to look into a mirror themselves. On the train Dear was saying he didn't want to play for too long, and we ended up Taiko-ing until closing time, and then waited for XH for supper. Camwhored with Yuu's kapibaras and the cinema standees while waiting. Then Yuu came up with the bright idea of catching a movie and we ended up watching Coming Soon at 11.50 PM. Got scared a few times by the sudden appearances of the "ghost", but Dear claims he wasn't scared at all. Asshole. xD

Had McDonalds for supper and then my daddy drove us all home, except for Dear who had to cab home alone 'cuz Yishun was out of the way. Haha.

Sorry this post is turning into one huge, boring commentary about my entire day out, but I don't always do so many things in one day, so please pardon the ranting. Hehe. Hanging out with Yuu always makes my day.

Agenda for tomorrow: CAT payment at CPA House ($65), send in NTUC giro form, gym with Dear, then slack at his house until time to come home. Videos to get from XH and upload, pictures to post and beauty sleep to clock in. And then I officially start work. Someone kill those butterflies in my stomach for me, please?

Other agenda: Payment for ACCA. Been weighing on my mind since the day I got the letter. Damn sians luh! And after this payment, I'll be owing more than 200 to my Sis, because its all on her credit card, and which includes my books from Amazon, WHICH HAVE YET TO ARRIVE. Pissed off~~~

P.S @Yuu: Next time don't PM me with the title "Za Bor" lah~! Don't crack me up at 4am in the morning luh~

P.P.S I FUCKING CANNOT STAND LEXUS. I HOPE HIS BRAIN ROT INTO MUSH AND HE GETS KICKED OUT OF RI AND BANISHED FROM THIS EARTH!!!

P.P.P.S If you're looking for a job, I've got a few lobangs. Non-guaranteed though. Just doing it as a "顺便" since I've been on the lookout for Christine. =)

P.P.P.P.S I've been logging in to Facebook more often these days. Too bored I guess.

P.P.P.P.P.S I should stop PS-ing and get some sleep. xD

-=Watchmen=-

2009-03-13T21:18:00.003+08:00

I watched Watchmen with Dear yesterday. And I HATED it.

Its just some freakshow that's overhyped by media and the fact that it was deemed "unfilmable". Well, now that it has been proved to be "filmable", I can only say that it was bullshit. I haven't read the adaption- neither am I tempted to- but by watching the movie, I have absolutely no friggin' idea what the story is supposed to be about. I only know its supposed to be set in 1985, USA, with Richard Nixon still the President, but other than that, what the HELL is the director/scriptwriter/producer trying to portray? That back in the 1980s there was this bunch of retards walking around in funny costumes?

Okay, in short, I just don't get what the whole movie is about. And I wasted my ticket and popcorn money. I would much rather have watched Coming Soon. I mean, yeah, it might end up to be another lame horror movie, but at least you're bound to get scared by the effects at some point of the movie. And that's the whole point of watching horror movies, aint it?

Alright. Enough about movies. Poor Terry finally enlisted today. I didn't sms him any good luck wishes though. So bad of me right? LOL. But its just NS luh. Its not as though he embarking on some highly dangerous mission or something. xP

Blogging from Nebo Cafe at AMK Hub. Their computer screens are so bright they hurt my eyes. Another late night out today, and I'm actually feeling pretty hungry already. xD

I'm officially starting work in 4 days. So OMG nervous!!! Haha. And I've already thought of a gazillion things I wanna buy once I get my first full pay. And the subsequent ones lah. Lol. I've got a laptop to buy, a new handphone to change, CableTV to suscribe to, and a billion other things that I have not though of yet. Dear is so gonna kill me. LOL. I told him he can go earn his own PS3 because I've got other things to spend my money on. xP The idiot's Xbox360 is a money-eating device already and he wants to get another.

I hope Dear gets a FT job soon so that he can finally start studying. With both of us getting full-time pay, we should be able to afford ALOT more stuff than we used to. Hehe. So excited about $$$. xP

Will be attending Drumzout practice tomorrow, even though I'm not in the competition. Haha. I realised getting a proper job and earning my own allowance and saving up is more important than starving to join some drumming competition. Absolutely no offense towards Yuu and BLYX and the rest in the competition. Let's just say that we have different priorities right now. I'm not someone who can sit still when there's only $300 left in my bank account, even though another part of me badly wanted to be in with them. xD Still, I'm not too stingy with moral suport, even tomorrow will probably be my last free Saturday. Hehe.

Gotta stop blogging already. The delicious smells floating around the cafe aint doing any good for my rumbling stomach. Haha.

-=[Pissed]=-

2009-03-12T02:26:00.003+08:00

I'm friggin' pissed off right now. Either something is fucking wrong with my internet connection, or its just Tudou that's sucking real bad right now. And I truly suspect its the latter, since my other windows are working perfectly fine. Grrrr... Can't even load and watch a show properly. !!!!

-=[New Job]=-

2009-03-11T01:49:00.004+08:00

3 weeks ago I left Zone X and almost immediately embarked on a new job hunt. And I found one already! Next week, I start full time at TKA at Bugis. Don't know where that is? Its the Virtualand arcade at Parco, Bugis.

Don't ask me why I chose to go back to the same industry; I just like the jobscope, that's all. What's more, the pay is appealing, with confirmed OT pay each week. My weekends are gonna get burnt, but hell, I'll just put up with that for now. Abit nervous though, since its my first full-time job ever. Good thing is, with this job, I might be able to start getting NTUC funding for my CAT and then I'll just have to pay 20% of my course fees. Heck. I can even afford to pay some of it on my own and stop depending on my parents.

I've also stopped teaching tuition entirely. Like, finally got rid of the Hougang student even though it was the mother who sms-ed me to say she wanted to terminate. Weird luh. 2 months ago I told her I wanted to stop and she practically begged me to stay, then now she wants to terminate. Funny woman.

And I seriously have no freaking idea why people keep saying its difficult to find jobs. If you're willing to lower expectations, it's pretty easy to get one, especially if you're experienced. I'm talking about people who are about 20+ to 30, starting to enter the workforce lah. A simple search on Jobscentral turned up quite a few interesting jobs offering pretty good salary. Is it because they're lazy and just taking their own sweet time searching or is it just an excuse to sit around and NOT work? Whatever.

Went KBOX with Jinwen and Terry yesterday. For some reason, by the end of the session the 3 of us were quite shagged. And we didn't really sing alot. Even for me. Lack of sleep maybe. Dinner at Pepper Lunch while Jinwen and I scared Terry with ghost stories of NS. LOL. He got startled by the cleaner setting down the "Section Closed" sign and we couldn't stop laughing at him.

I'm dragging Dear to the Asian Civilisations Musuem to see some Kangxi exhibition this week. Haha. I'm such a sucker for history related stuff.

Off to TKDJ. Just a recommendation: If you own a DS and are looking for some nice RPG, try Blue Dragon Plus. Its a sequel to Blue Dragon on Xbox360, but I don't think its very much related so its "try-able". LOL.

P.S. Looking forward to a new lappy in another few months. Woohoo~!

-=Baby Roachie=-

2009-03-05T02:59:00.003+08:00

I can't believe I actually found a baby cockroach near my handphone's "charging station"! Like what the hell, my mom cleans my room almost everyday okay!!! Stupid pests. I hope it dies of suffocation among that pile of books and other ~~junk~~ stuff on the bookshelf. Bleahs.

And yeah I just logged in to blog about a baby cockroach. Damn bo-liao, I know, but I'm feeling really bored right now, even though I've got a book to finish, 3 more to start on and one session of notes to look through. Did you guess it? I skipped my very first day of lesson for P2~! Nothing to be proud about, and I can feel a nagging guilt weighing down on my conscience. No more skipping lessons, at least for a while. LOL.

Did I also mention just how fabulous the Yishun library is? Or currently is. Haha. The selection of books is awesome~! I've never seen so many Catherine Andersons, Stephanie Laurens, Lisa Kleypas and other favourite authors of mine in one place. I mean their books lah. Normally at the other libraries, all these titles are either on loan, or are repeat titles that I've read before.

But on Monday when I went there with Dear, I picked 6 books off the very first shelf that I was browsing through and then proceeded to pay off a total of $28+ worth of fines just to borrow that. Let's not harp on the amount of the fines, shall we? xD And Dear and I were supposed to be there for dinner at the cafe, not to borrow books.

Speaking of dinner, the food at Cafe Galilee (is that how its spelled???) was yummy enough, just that the portions weren't that worth what we paid for. To top it off, the waitress there sucked big time. Gave me attitude while taking my order and kept walking off in the middle of my ordering to check on stuff. Like, WTF??? And you know the worse part? Dig this: Dear and I order teriyaki chicken as our main courses, and after we'd already finished our food, the waitress came up and said, "Excuse me, is the chicken cooked? 'Cuz I saw some reddish part; thought it looked like blood." OH MY FREAKING GOD. When have you ever seen a waitress ask her customer such a question??!?!

What to do? Just smile politely and say everything's fine luh. Should have asked for refund yeah? Hahas. But we're not fussy people lah. Still, we're never going back to that cafe again. The Beef Patty omelette rice at the Japanese-themed foodcourt tastes much much better. *Drools*~

-=[New School Term]=-

2009-03-04T02:54:00.003+08:00

Ahh... First proper post in a while. Just some random updates. Let's see...

Went for Terry's BBQ today at Pasir Ris Park. Kind of like a send-off thingy, since he's enlisting next Friday. Might be going for KBOX next week, either on Monday or Tuesday.

School's progressing real slow. Initially I wanted to sign up for both Paper 2 and 5 this semester, but it seems that the next fresh intake for P5 is only available in May so I can only take P2 this sem. At this rate, it'll take me double the calculated time to complete my CAT. Drats.

My addiction to Taiko has turned into a kind of passion. Its really satisfying to see myself improving and passing songs that I've failed countless of times. Songs that I've played so many times that Yuu/Dear always complains whenever I choose those songs. And because of Taiko, I've got 5 blisters on my left hand and one more on my right. Even when they hurt, I still play on. Just like how Dear can manage to ignore his ankle or knee pains during soccer.

That day during supper, Xiaohui was commenting that one day I'll regret putting in so much effort for Taiko, only to have my hands "disfigured", but I honestly think that I won't.

Yuu keeps asking me to join them for the DrumzOut competition coming up at NTU, but I'm not confident. I mean, I'm keen, but in my whole life I've never played any form of musical instrument, not unless you count the recorder in primary school. Will decide after this Saturday's practice, I guess...

Watched Marley and Me and Suspect X last week, and they're really good movies. M&M is funny and touching, while Suspect X is interesting, though a little too predictable and not mysterious enough. Hehe. Looking forward to Watchmen, opening either tomorrow or Thursday.

One last thing: I've completed almost everything on my to-do list. Resume's updated and sent, job status pending, nails trimmed super short, met up with Kat, stuff re-ordered on Amazon and mahjong session fell through.

Dear doesn't want to go for the play so that's $68 saved, and Yuu's already watched Pink Panther 2. Now to rebond my hair next next week at Marsiling with JW and my list's complete. Hurray~!!!

-=To Do List=-

2009-02-23T00:33:00.004+08:00

Top 10 things to do:

1. Update my resume.

2. Get a new job.

3. Trim off my nails. Typing has become a chore, and I can't SMS properly on phones that have keypads.

4. Check out promotion at Zone X White Sands

5. Reschedule meeting with Kat

6. Rebond my hair.

7. Re-order my stuff on Amazon

8. Book tickets for Defending The Caveman. Before that, dig out the ticket stubs for The Office Party. 15% discount~!!!

9. Book Auntie Xiu Yu and company for mahjong again next Saturday night. To Dear: I am NOT addicted okay? Its just cheap entertainment to pass an otherwise boring Saturday night.

10. Re-watch Pink Panther 2 with Yuu. Eh, the show's DAMN funny okay???

-=寻友启示=-

2009-02-19T02:32:00.018+08:00

寻友启示

演唱:明道 + 许孟哲

忽然在这个平凡晚上

想起了我们曾同时追的姑娘

她现在怎麼样

她的泪是不是还那麼的透亮

忽然想起你嘴角那道伤

是不是还能燃起你憎恨目光

还是已经变成

唯一给你勇气想起我的力量

谁知道同一个城市的路这样漫长

时间一不小心就造了那麼多墙

好想随意倒转时光

和你不回家在街上一直的流浪

我知道现在以前会有很多不一样

依然想找到你我残留下的梦想

静静陪在你身旁

哪怕看著阳光什麼都不去讲

忽然在这个平凡晚上

爸妈说我们这帮闯祸的死党

可爱并且坚强

劝我看看你们现在的模样

忽然想起了毕业的操场

是不是偶而也来认真的流浪

我们都长大了

却没有以前的勇气来一起扛

谁知道我的朋友他们现在怎麼样

他们有什麼事正在需要我帮忙

告诉他们我在等著

相约在我们曾到过的那个天堂

我知道我的朋友现在很多不一样

可是他们给我快乐飞翔的翅膀

就算孤单的街上

哪怕看著路灯什麼都不去想