.Sunday, November 27, 2005 ' 4:50 PM Y
My heart's bleeding. I've cried till there're no more tears left. I'm still left confused. Am I once again being oversensitive? Or is it the truth that I'm afraid to face? I've even lost my senses to the point where I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm searching, but there're no clues. Its stressful. And I have to act like everything's normal in front of my friends. Many times I just want to break down and cry. But I just can't find the tears. Like now. Not since that night. When I spent hours letting the tears stream down my face and just staring into space. Blankly. I don't understand what life holds for me anymore. I open the window and stare into the night sky. Thoughts of plunging down whirls throughout my mind. But I'm scared. And I dun want to hurt anyone else. Again. I'm afraid of everything now. I reject love, care and concern. I'm seeking to push everyone away from me again. Even though deep inside I'm hurting like crazy. I know I sound so very depressed. But I can't help it. Can't stop it. I hate acting strong in front of everyone else. But I can't show my weakness. I'm so drained of everything. Everything I'm displaying outside is all false. My cheeriness, my laughing chatters, EVERYTHING. I feel so darn hypocritical but do I have any choice? Crap. No I don't. If I had the choice, I'd have turned back time and tried to set everything right. If I had the choice, I would have pleaded with God to never have created me. But here I am. Ranting away aimlessly. I don't know what tomorrow holds for. I don't want to find out. I dread the future. I just want to hide and crawl under my blanket. But that isn't going to be possible. So here I am. Stuck. Trapped. CRAP!
.Monday, November 21, 2005 ' 6:19 AM Y
I recently watched a short clip on ChannelNewsAsia about the tsunami last year. It touched on the destruction and memories left behind, even as the huge tidal waves receded into nothingness. After almost one year, there are still families torn apart, relatives and loved ones missing, and living quarters that need to be rebuilt. It suddenly dawned on me that, with the exception of those directly affected by the tsunami, we all have almost clean forgotton about the devastation and destruction brought about by the gigantic waves and the thousands of lives that were lost. I have moved on with life, as have many other people. In the blink of an eye, a year has passed since the tsunami hit Asia last year, just a day after Christmas. I wonder how many people actually remember the gory details, or the many miracles that happened just as many people were on the brink of despair. I hope that, this year, while everyone is in the midst of preparing for the upcoming Christmas festivity, they would also be able to think of the less fortuante ones, who may have missing relatives out there, or who do not have a safe shelter under their heads to see them through the new year. I know it is a bit too early to say all this, but the sentiment just came, and I just couldn't resist blogging it down. With this, I end my entry of the day. Carpe Diem readers!
.Sunday, November 20, 2005 ' 2:26 PM Y
First let me make this clear that this isn't my primary blog. I created this to show the more emotional side of myself, thus using the blogname - emotionalism. This is my studio where I vent my frustrations, show off my compositions and lament about stuff that, I feel, do not fit into my other blog. In short, this is my so-called formal blog. I spent many hours perfecting the page, especially the tagboard, and I'd like to say that I've finally perfected it to my satisfaction. Many thanks to my tagboard, background and blog-counter providers, for without them, I wouldn't have been able to present this blog to all other readers out there. I've asked around and some of my friends have said that they're unable to navigate through the whole blog while others say that they don't encounter any problems. I seriously don't know the problem since I'm no expert with all this HTML stuff. Maybe someone could give me the answer to this whole problem? For those who can't navigate, I sincerely apologise(though I doubt they can even see this post) and for those who CAN, well, congrats! Please feel free to tag or leave a comment on my posts. If you discover any more bugs please email me at tough_jennifer@hotmail.com. I suppose thats all for today - I'm tired out by all the coding and stuff. Hope you readers out there enjoyed the blog!
