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.Wednesday, January 30, 2008 ' 1:48 AM Y
Who wants to try my Mom's homemade pineapple tarts tag me! Friends only. (I'm not helping out in the first batch because I have school. Haha.)

I don't know whether its because all my projects have been handed in, or simply because I'm lazy, but I've been feeling quite slack lately. Today, I unknowingly spent 3 whole hours simply lazing on the couch and watching TV. Until my body started wondering what I was doing.

Weirdly though, I'm looking forward to holing up in my room and mugging through Chinese New Year. Maybe its because I want to avoid the stanard onslaught of questions from my many aunties and uncles. I HATE it. I mean, its fine if you haven't seen me for a year and you wanna catch up, but do you have to ask and tell me the same things for 3 consecutive days?!?! Fucking irritating!

If you ask me what kind of mood I'm in right now, I wouldn't be able to find a description. Looking forward to studying hard, to collecting angbaos and to FINALLY receiving my pay. Sadly though, my pay comes in only AFTER CNY. Urgh~!

That day while I was daydreaming away on the bus, I came up with this "Money-No-Enough" theory. Do you wonder why we people always complain about not having enough money? Here's why:

At th start of the year, we're poor, because we blasted last month's pay plus bonus on Christmas gifts, dinners, travelling and other what-nots.

The adults' first pay packet goes towards angbaos for CNY, whereas teenagers spend our entire month's savings/earnings on clothes and shoes and accessories. All in the name of "the new year". But luckily, we get to "recoup" our expenses somewhat. Unless, of course, you can stingy relatives. But that's not the point.

You think angbao money is to keep in the bank and grow interest? Think again. Because what comes after that is Valentine's Day. Admit it. No matter whether you're attached or single, you tend to spend again on gifts for either your other half or else for close friends. And then there are the more-expensive-than-normal dinners that are unavoidable. Because it is a special occasion. So we spend and tell ourselves its okay.

After that, life presumable goes back to normal. We spend a little here and save a little there. But then there are birthdays. So majority of those savings go into buying gifts and planning surprises and blah blah blah. And then comes the middle of the year. Lo and behold! The SUPER Singapore Sale is here again! 60% off! How can we possible miss this chance to buy what we couldn't afford before? Bye bye savings.

After the SSS ends, we look sadly at our savings book and comfort ourselves with the thinking that now we can really get down to saving money now. Two months later, National Day. Who says we're not patriotic? Look at the amount of people contributing to the economy at fancy restaurants. You think they dine like this everyday? And how many times do we also indulge ourselves like that on public holidays as such?

And then finally, its the rush for end-of-year and Christmas sales again. Don't forget the countdowns that come 6 days after exchanging our Christmas sales. And then the cycle goes on.

And that, my friends, is why we NEVER have enough money.

Haha. I know its not some wonderful theory, but there's certainly some truth in it.

If you don't like my theory, too bad. Come up with one of your own then. Bleahs. I'm going to sleep. All that recalling of my daydream drained my brain juices. Goodnight.


loved





.Saturday, January 26, 2008 ' 11:59 PM Y
天啊,主啊,神啊!请您带走他们的忧伤和痛苦,让他们能早日节哀顺便,让他不管身在何处,都能安详快乐。

-=*=-

以前的我,不懂得珍惜生命的可贵。13岁,幼稚,愚蠢,思想不成熟。不开心时就忧郁,把自己关在房间,用收集在铁罐子里的玻璃碎片往自己的手腕拼命的割,一直到前年,才慢慢开朗起来。

前天得到小学同学的死讯,真的有点难以置信,直到今天,亲自见到,才带着承重的心情走回家。他才18岁啊,和我一样年龄,但是他却再也没有机会过生日了。一个星期前还带着康复的希望,今天却离开人世了。

不知道是不是最近接到太多的死讯,还是真正懂事了。我不再像以往那么不成熟,一不开心就想自杀。手上的那些疤痕,更是提醒着我过去的愚蠢。

在这里提醒大家,记得要珍惜身边的人,珍惜自己的生命, 不要动不动就拿自己的生命开玩笑,就算你不以为然,身边的人也会为你感到心痛。你的生命也是属于大家的哦!所以你有责任照顾好自己!

我希望身边的人都能长命百岁,过着有意义的生活,但我也希望他们比我早死,那他们就能比我先得到平静和安详,也不会有“机会”在我的葬礼上伤心流泪。

最后,对于那些那么恨我的无聊人:与其花无畏的时间在这里辱骂我,倒不如去做一些更有意义的事。行善积德嘛。要不然你们想入地狱啊?我呢,是不会受到你们的辱骂的影响的。生活是我的,我爱怎么过,碍到你们了吗?若真是这样,too bad! 你又能对我怎样?不要再浪费时间和精力了啦,没有用的!


loved





.Friday, January 25, 2008 ' 12:41 AM Y
My third post in a day, but this time, I hope that no matter how much you hate me, just leave me alone. Just for this time. Respect a mourner's private space to grief.

A few days into the new year, the news announced the death of Jimmy Nah, better known as MC King to everyone. Reading the news slide on ChannelNewsAsia, I thought I had misread.

Two days ago, another actor, Heath Ledger, was found dead in his own apartment.

Today, a primary school classmate said hi to me on MSN and asked me this:"Hey debbie. Do you remember Kenrick?"

I said yes, of course I remember him.

She went on to say "He got a brain infection sometime back, and then it got worse. A few of us will be attending his funeral tomorrow night. Coming?"

Shock is a mild word to describe how I felt and how I'm still feeling now.

A quick search to his MSN profile. "I really wish to recover to play badminton."

And no. This is not the end.

As I was telling MJ about this, asking if he wanted to go for the funeral, he told me his dad had passed away 2 months ago too.

Double shock. Again, too mild to describe the numbness growing inside me. So numb, I can't even find the tears. A sense of helplessness and depression started taking over my senses.

A tribute to Kenrick:

We may not have been close friends, but being in the same class for 2 years with you was fun. I still remember how you and Jeremy were always one of the jokers of the class. I remember teasing you about having a crush on Michelle Er and seeing you blush to the roots of your hair. Your laughter and cheer will be missed by all of us.

A reminder to everyone out there to cherish your loved ones every moment of the day. Like MJ put it, "I thought I saw him (Kenrick) online just a few days ago...?"

Yes. And today suddenly, he is gone. Never will anyone see him log in to MSN again. The only point of contact left between us after we left CZPS will no longer exist, except for the faint memory we keep in our hearts.

This doesn't fit into this entry, but those losers out there who have so much free time to spam me with your nonsense, I hope that out of the numerous flaws you're possessed with, at least you have a heart and a conscience. Any more hate posts will be promptly deleted, so don't bother. You're not welcome in this abode of mine either, so scram. No traces of your presence will be allowed to linger here anymore.

loved





.Thursday, January 24, 2008 ' 5:31 PM Y
Congrats to Van and Ben who got a whopping 10 points for their L1R4 and a 12 and 11 respectively for their L1R5. Will I see you guys in NP in April? Haha.

I'd just like to address the concerns of my tag "audience".

A certain IT by the name of "fatty" seems to think that I'm baking pastries for it to consume. I know people like to escape from reality every now and then but... animals too? Why is you so concerned about not daring to eat what I bake? I have absolutely no intention of letting you eat what I bake. I didn't know animals hallucinated too. Sue me if you have grounds to.

This great sinner seems to be rumbling on and on. So um... what is your main point again? If you are trying to lecture me about work attitude, bear in mind that there are always 2 sides to a story. Oops. I forgot. You probably don't have a mind. If you are trying to say that I'm fat and being an eyesore to other, sorry, but there's probably nothing you can do about it. So live with it or go jump down from some deserted building. You're the one with the problem, not me. Alright, let's not go to the extreme. It will do just as well to dig out your eyeballs since your sight has been polluted. Poor thing. Its no use having balls but no brains is there? And worse, no supporting equipment. Tragedy.

And last but not least, the moron who hates debbie so much. Did I mention that the feeling is entirely mutual? Even though in this blog, only Makino exists. Just that I don't really hate, because I don't see the point of remembering such unpleasant scum. Thank you for complimenting that my clothes look very nice. But really, its just T-shirt and long pants. I'm not in the habit of wearing really short skirts to school and giving excuses like "I ran out of clothes!". Unlike some people.

Anyway, back to the topic. If you're puking over nothing, I suggest you consult a doctor. And get a shrink while you're at it. Because sometimes its just the brain that's doing the weird stuff. That is, if that pile of mushy dung up there in your head is even considered a brain. Last but not least, even if I cannot sing, what can you do to stop me from singing? I know your mouth is too full of thrash to even be able to utter a real word, but don't say grapes are sour just because you don't get to eat them. I know you're too pathetic to get your own other half. Try the zoo. Maybe one of Ah Meng's descendants need help in carrying on the family line. You'd be perfect for the role.

Its weird when people say things like "I don't know what to say" and then keep on spewing thrash like there's no tomorrow. Talk about contradiction. They should really get classes on how to insult a person correctly, because based on what they're doing now, I'd say they've only succeeded in making real fools out of themselves. Although they already are. Tip number 1. Don't bother trying to insult others with such lousy language skills. You will just sound like some pathetic hyena seeking for attention.

I know some people are expecting to see their supposedly BIG names here but that's just another hallucination. Their names ain't even fit to be typed by my fingers, much less appear on my personal blog.

Read this and rebutt me. It will only make me happier to see those morons getting all flustered and worked up over my words. The power of words is simply amazing. Thanks for making my day a smug and happy one. HAHA.

P.S Never take on a scorpion.

loved





. ' 12:39 PM Y
Project is OVER. Happy. Haha. Still got BMGT lah... But that's more or less over as well.

O Level results will be out today, so good luck to all those receiving their results. I promised Ben and Van a party if they do well, and more likely than not, I'll have to throw that party. Haha. I don't really mind lah, just that I need some ideas of where you guys would like to go, and wha you'd like to do. Because if you ask me to choose, be prepared to be holed up in Kbox for the entire day. =P

Poor SY. His two weeks of block leave seem to be passing very fast. Heard that he'll be receiving his vocation and posting soon. Haha. And Dear is irritating me all the time by chanting "ORD, ORD, ORD." Urgh. And what makes him happier is the fact that he probably will not have to do reservice. I bet he can't wait to collect his IC and flaunt it in front of SY. Guys can be so childish. Hehs. But I'm happy for him too. Because he can finally NOT be so tired and stressed out everyday, and then I won't have to massage for him so much. Keke.

Something Gabbie said yesterday made me smile super widely. He sms-ed me this: Violence begets violence. Man should follow Einstein's example. He grew up taking all the insults and then invented the atomic bomb. Haha.

Thanks to Dear, Gabbie, Ben and QR for cheering me up and being there for me. You guys are the greatest friends! Especially Gabbie, since I've never actually met him before. Haha. Hugs and kisses to all of you, but don't worry I won't get depressed or anything over what a bunch of no-lifers have said. My life belongs to me, and how I lead it is none of their problem. Speaking of which. Since I'm in a great mood today, I shall dedicate a post to all those losers who have tried so hard to insult me through my tagboard.

I'll be stopping here since lesson's ending soon. Thankfully, tuition today is on schedule and I'll be able to get home and rest after 6pm. A little rushed, but I'm fine with it. Next month my bank account will be nicely fed with money, and I won't have to scrimp so hard anymore. Hurray. Finally can afford some wants of my own, and just in time to buy gifts for Valentine's Day too. Things are certainly looking up. *Grins*

loved





.Tuesday, January 22, 2008 ' 9:50 AM Y
The peer appraisal thingy yesterday was... okay luh. A complete waste of my time. I mean, I had to stand outside the office for a freaking 45 minutes just to complete a form that took me less than 5 minutes. They should seriously place some benches there or something lah.

Anyway, looking forward to the study week and the holidays. Since Dear doesn't allow me to work extra, I've decided to do lots of baking. Haha. Need to start scouring for recipes again. First on the list would be the CNY pineapple tarts. By my mom. I'll be helping lah, and then I can blackmail her into making lots more extras and then I can give away to others. Keke. Anyone wants to buy? Confirm nice one, because last year when my relatives tried the pineapple tarts they were full of praises. Heh.

Thinking of making muffins, and maybe some cookies. Heck, since I'll be having lots of time, might as well try my hand at smoothies too! Haha. QR's influence. I'll have to draw up a shopping list soon. I need lots and lots of flour!!! Haha.

I'm intending to spend one whole day at Kbox after the exams. And by one whole I mean from 11am to 2am. Haha. I can just hear Van, Ben and QR saying "Siao!" But I think they will go somehow or other one lah. Hopefully. Hehs.

Last Saturday went shopping at IKEA and Courts with Dear. I realised that IKEA furniture aren't suitable for me, because I have absolutely no interest in slowly putting the pieces together on my own, like doing some massive jigsaw. And besides, the designs are not unique enough. Simple yes, but common looking too. Well... Maybe a few exception. But the sofas and beds are super comfortable! Haha.

The Courts Megastore is so cool lah! They have this station where you can play their PS3, Xbox 360 and PSP games for free. But then you also get those super duper selfish people who plop their butts in front of the TV screens and never budge. =.=" Oh, and, I decided to target the Dell laptop. Umm... Forgot the model name and all, but I like the keypad. Haha. But then I'm hoping to wait and see if my sister's going to Taiwan to get that nice nice laptop. By ASUS. Haha. Is ASUS laptop good? Anyone knows?

My cough is getting slightly worse. Sad sad. Supposed to meet Celeste tomorrow for lunch, but haven't confirmed the time and everything yet. Hah. Super duper tired today. Weirdly, when I didn't sleep for the whole of Sunday night, I didn't feel tired at all yesterday. But after clocking in 6 hours of sleep last night, my body is still greedy for more. Win already luh. The more I sleep, the more tired I become.

Things I need to do during my holidays include sorting out, reorganising, elaborating and jotting out my many many weird business ideas, baking and tuition. Haha. Its going to be a great 2 months of relaxation!

loved





.Friday, January 18, 2008 ' 10:53 PM Y
I am officially SICK! Damn damn damn and damn! It feels as though all the dust in the whole wide world has decided to take up residence in my throat and nose-super irritating okay! And worse. I can't SING properly. I hate flus. Get me down with fever anytime, but not a stupid runny nose and irritated throat.

Finally finished with my part for BCA. That is, if they can FINALLY stop picking on what I did over the past 3 hours or so. You want to know what I mean? Well yesterday, because there was no lesson in the morning, the group decided to meet up to rush through the BCA project. Let's just ignore the fact that they were late for ONE FREAKING BLOODY HOUR, but I think I'm entitled to complain about the fact that they kept dismissing what I'd been doing for the past 5 hours, making me delete and redo over and over again. See? Nothing pleases them. Because they were like, "I want it this way." Even when it was literally not impossible to do it the way they wanted.

But that's not the point: What am I? Some maid they hired to do their dirty work? And no matter how many times or how nicely I try to put it across to them-actually only a specific someone- that it wasn't really possible to do it that way, it was as though I was talking to the wall behind them. How helpful.

Please oh please, if there's a God, make them turn alien for once and stop picking at my work so that I can turn in and have an early night. I almost flared up just now when my student asked me to change tomorrow's tuition to Sunday because she was tired. I mean come on! You're only going to school! I have to study, do shitty projects with shitty group members, and tuition you even when I'm sick! Have a little sympathy for me lah. But its okay. Im kind. So I agreed to the change. Still have to go back to school tomorrow though. Sucks.

Jannah asked me that day, why I was still so nice to my groupmates even though they're treating me so badly. I talk to them nicely, tell them about extra classes in case they don't know, and basically just behave as though there wasn't any animosity between us. That's because I don't see the point of bearing a grudge. Afterall, they haven't really done anything bad to me, and anyway, project aside, they're still considered nice.

Dear is very bad. He went to eat pizza today without me!!! How can like that? Take advantage of the sick. Haha. I miss Pizza Hut.

I lost a student and gained a student. Haha. A new student's parents cancelled at the last minute but today afternoon, my student from last year contacted me again. Or rather, her Mom contacted me. Wahaha. No loss for me, because I still earn more. Keke. Going to play some games then go sleep. Starting tomorrow after I've clocked in the beauty sleep I deserve, it'll be time to get down to hardcore revising for the final exams. Pray that I don't faint. Haha.

P.S. Celeste! MUFFINS!!!! Lol.

loved





.Thursday, January 17, 2008 ' 12:46 AM Y
I think I'm coming down with the flu bug or something. My throat hurts, as though I've been shouting out loud for the past few hours, and even though my voice isn't hoarse, my throat still hurts whenever I try to swallow or talk. What a bad time for all this to be happening. Looks like the lack of sleep is taking its toll on my body, but why my throat? Now I can't sing!

Something's definitely going wrong with me. My emotions are unstable and I can't even determine whether I'm going to be angry, or happy or sad or docile in the very next minute. Even though there are still 2 major projects to be completed, I find myself wanting to slack off at this super important point of time when two weeks ago I was still working myself into a frenzy at the thought of so many deadlines to meet. Deep down, I know that I still care. I still want to put in my best, and do all I can. I want to do my part well irregardless of all that friction between me and my groupmates.

But like my sister said, its 4 against 1. Or rather, if you want to combine the "forces" of both groups, its 7 against 1. Do I still have to make it clear, the odds of standing up against so many? I don't have much self-confidence to start with, and I'm not only facing the stress of so many project deadlines. I also have to worry about schoolwork, about their judgements of me, and my work. Each day of the past few months, I've been worrying about the next day's expenses. Losing my coin pouch and my Ez-link card didn't help either.

Surprisingly, taking the initiative to talk to Her did improve my mood alot. Its weird. The formality, the barriers I can feel. I don't dare to go close, but that doesn't stop me from baring my heart out. Maybe because at this point of time, I need all the security, all the comfort and all the understanding I can garner from anyone who's willing to listen and not judge. I give thanks to the selected few people who have done that for me, whether they are conscious of it or not.

I'm really tired now, be it physically or mentally. I'm apologetic towards my students, who have been affected by my conflicting schedules not just once or twice, but many many times. I wish I could give the best of my abilities to all everyone, but there's only one of me and only so much I can give and take. I'm glad for the understanding of the parents of my students; I only ask the same of my groupmates. Is it really alot to ask for?

I really want to just shrink back into my hermit's shell and avoid all this negative going-ons. Cowardly of me yes, but I don't know what else to do. I probably should discontinue this negative stream of words as well.

loved





.Wednesday, January 16, 2008 ' 1:52 AM Y
I performed a mission impossible today: I actually cut my own fingernails! Pretty unbelievable isn't it? That for the past 17 years, I have never cut my own fingernails before. It was either others who cut them for me, or else I bit them off on my own. Haha. I know to other normal people, I'm just happy over nothing, but to me its and accomplishment okay. Lol.

Anyway, I decided to take away the song from my blog because I realised that it was causing cock-ups in the template, and no matter how I tried to find other HTML codes, the template just kept going out of proportion. So for the time being, since I can't upload the song I want without causing template problems, my blog will be left without any music until I can find another song that I like and won't cause any cock-ups.

Alright... I'm blabbering. Haha. I'm just tired lah... Time for me to catch some sleep.

loved





.Monday, January 14, 2008 ' 10:41 PM Y
I'm feeling so much happier today! The counselling session with Ms Sen today was great! It really took my mind of a whole lot of things and no, she didn't disappoint me with the "standard" answers that adults normally give when you confide your problems in them.

She even recommended that I read books about self-motivation and such. And it was then

BMGT presentation was short but at least I didn't stutter too much. I've got a long way to go to build up my self-confidence. There's BLAW presentation and I hope I don't do too badly, especially since I've got quite a whole chunk of stuff to do. I guess I don't have to think about sleeping early tonight.

loved





. ' 1:09 AM Y
So many freaking thing to do. I'm getting muddle-headed. Keep forgetting this and that, to the point where I have to write down every single task just in case I forget what I have to do.

I accepted my 6th student on Saturday, which officially puts my monthly income over 1k. But that also means that my social life is going to be almost non-existent, not that I have that much of a life right now.

People ask me why I keep stressing out myself by working so much. To be honest, I don't know either. I guess I just enjoy the feeling of rushing here and there. Its like a rythm that my body is already used to, and it isn't willing to stop. So next time you hear me cmplaining about being stressed, don't mind me.

Projects will be due soon, and its a major rush to complete one project after another, preparing for presentations as though my life depends on them. The next few weeks are going to be crammed with work and studies.

After 24th Jan, things should finally settle down, but that's still almost 2 weeks away. Maybe I should start a countdown.

Tomorrow morning, I'll be meeting my LMS tutor for counselling. Haha. After years of contemplating the idea, I finally decided to put it into action. I have no idea at all what to expect, and deep down, I'm also afraid that I might be sorely disappointed.

Macroeconomics test 2 tomorrow, and I haven't studied. I have to score enough to pull up my test 1, which I failed. Somehow, I have a bad feeling about it. But still have to try though. Good luck to me tomorrow.

loved





.Wednesday, January 09, 2008 ' 5:22 PM Y
Don't even try to ask my about IAC. I kind of screwed up my part. My nerves were really taut and the pressure was just too much. So sorry to the team, that I did not talk too well. But I am NOT sorry for making my own amendments to the conclusion because the slip of paper which Pearlyn gave to me and expected me to read from simply did NOT make any sense.



LMS was better, mainly because I felt more comfortable around the teacher, and also because I kept an even tighter control on myself, killing the butterflies in my stomach cruelly. Haha. And the LMS teacher actually said that I improved from my last presentation.


I'm giving the idea of going to Ms Sen for counselling very serious consideration. But I'm still hesitant, because I don't want to be disappointed. And also because I kind of predict that I will most probably end up like an utter, complete fool who doesn't even have a general idea of what she's talking about. Maybe the only cure for me to be hypnotised into forgetting all this jumble of thoughts in my head.

Friends by now may already have received Facebook invitations from me. Haha. Fine. I finally succumbed to the "trend", but talk about addiction to the site, and I'll tell you honestly, no way, definitely not me. Still very new everything, and exploring gives me a headache.

Somehow, I just can't stop and not do anything even for a second. I want to relex, but sitting around aimlessly makes my thoughts go wild, and I'm too distraught right now to really know what I'm thinking or doing. Even during sleep, my mind refuses to let me take a break.

Oh shit. This post is like rotten rojak. My humble apologies. I promise that from the next post onwards, I will try my very best to stem the flow of negativity that I'm putting into my blog.

loved





.Tuesday, January 08, 2008 ' 11:57 PM Y
Today was another upsetting day. As much as I tried to calm myself, my heartbeat was irregular for 3 whole hours. The thought of food made me sick and no matter how I tried, I couldn't sleep.

Thank goodness its all going to be over tomorrow. If this continues on, I think I might just die from a heart attack. That is, if I manage to die before I become mental.

Okay... Enough of negative thoughts. I think all stress is seriously getting to me. And in all honesty, I care more about the projects more than I care about anything else, and that includes relationship matters.

So lost, so worried, so burdened. And not just me.

If only I could do something to alleviate your pain.

If only you would allow me to stay by you.

If only we could put aside our past grudges, I'd have so much to tell you.

天啊!人世间为什么要有那么多的烦恼和不开心啊?我就快要疯掉了!!!

Its weird how all these negatvie things are all happening to me and the people around me all at the same time.

Sometimes discoveries may not be blessings. I keep trying to put off the inevitable, thinking that maybe, things don't have to be this way. But now I realise that what has to be done has to be done. And this time, nothing shall waver my decision, because if I do not fight for myself, no one else will.

The worse thing a person can do is to cross a scorpion. Scorpions are tough creatures who do not die easily, and I am a proud to be a true,blue scorpion.

I will never let them get to me ever again.

loved





. ' 1:30 AM Y
At this point, my whole body is so numb that I am moving almost mechanically. My hands are freezing cold and my spine so stiff that it feels brittle. I've been accused of being a free-loader, of all things in the world. I can swear upon my soul and everything that I hold dear to me that I definitely do NOT free-load. I may not do as much as them but that does not mean that I did not contribute a single thing. And let's not mention the point that my views are never listened to and any effort that I try to make is dismissed lightly.

I seriously don't know what to do. This is the first time I've been so upset before. I just sat there and continued doing my PBL like a robot operating a machine. My mind kept brooding over the subject and my whole body just felt super numb. I wanted to cry, but I'm not willing to let myself break down just yet. For the first time in ten years, I took the initiative to confide in my sister, and I'm grateful that God actually gave me a sister like her. For 2 hours we just sat there and talked. I told her everything; my fears, my confessions. Everything. For 2 hours, she advised all my worries and told me of her own experiences, telling me that the world isn't as blind as I think it is. And even though I'm still upset, I have been comforted. My very own personal counselor has actually been living under the same roof as me all this while.

I can't lie and say that I have done alot for the project, but I want to defend one point and that is that I really have tried to do the tasks delegated to me. Over and over again I tell them that if there is anything that they need me to do, just drop me a message. I feel bad that I have to leave early for meetings, and even miss one of them, but I do try and make up for it. Just because you don't see my effort and my struggles doesn't mean that they don't exist. I try to stay until the very last minute but then I'd also appreciate if they could stop fooling around and only settle down half an hour later.

This is like a repetition of secondary school, only so much worse. Because this time, there is no library where I can call my own turf and no friends whom I know I can turn to. None. I don't want to burden Dear because I know that if I had called him 2 hours ago, I'd most definitely have broken down. And I can't. Not at this crucial moment. No matter how hard it is, I have to grit my teeth hard and just pull through somehow. Because if I lose control, I'm falling back into that dark abyss called depression once more, and I won't allow that to happen. I am not a weakling. Give me all you've got, but don't turn coward when I fight back. But before that, let's just focus on getting what needs be done DONE.

So drained and tired. Disappointed that some people can only judge what they see on the surface. They know nothing of your background or of your thinking, but instead, put you into the picture frame that they've customed for you. For now I have only one wish. Just one. And that is to complete this semester as fast as possible. For time to pass much faster, because I don't know for how long I can continue to hold on.

loved





.Sunday, January 06, 2008 ' 11:30 PM Y
I managed to find the time and money to catch Body #19 at Golden Village today, so I'm just gonna do a short review before I go and try to reduce my workload a little bit.

Publicity for the movie states that its from the same director of Shutter and Alone, of which I watched the latter. Basically, the story plot is set pretty much along the same lines of most Thai horror movies. The main lead is this guy, Chon, who starts having nightmares in which he witnesses a brutal murder, and the ghost of the victim keeps telling him to find her.

There's a rather humorous scene where Chon is slicing prawns for cooking dinner and as usual you get the parts where he starts seeing weird stuff and accidentally cuts himself. At the hospital, the doctor who attends to him recommends him to a psychiatrist, and he thinks that the doctor is a quack. Haha. The dialogue was pretty funny lah.

The story goes on and on and then everything unravels. Reasons why he keeps having those nightmares and how come he keeps uttering the name Dararai. Very standardised plot, I'd say, with an almost expected twist at the end. There are a few mysteries which the scriptwriter didn't solve, and that pisses me off. I can't stand unsolved mysteries. Haha.
Having watched so many horror movies in the past 2 years, I can honestly say that this one isn't really all that scary. As in, you get a little scare here and there during the 2 hour long show, but after you walk out of the cinema, you pretty much forgot what made you jump in your seat just a few minutes ago. But what makes your ticket money worth its buck is the sound effects, the super uber digusting ghost, as well as the sick chopping of the victim. Quite gory, if you ask me, because the sounds of the man chopping the body up combined with the blood and seeing that huge chopper if enough to make your stomach queasy, if not puke up your lunch/dinner. But then again, those things are probably the only reasons that people like me keep splurging our money on horror shows. Haha. 3.5 stars out of 5. No credit to plot, but thumbs up for the being disgusting and gory enough to earn its NC-16 rating. The movie is available at all major theatres.
The other movie, Mission Sex Control, that has caught my interest is only being screened at Cathay cinemas, which means there's more inconvenience and I have to put off watching it until at least next Sunday. Haha.
I'm off to clear some schoolwork. Hope whoever reads this post enjoys my review, because in my own opinion, this is one of the better reviews I've done so far. Enjoy~!

loved





. ' 1:49 AM Y
Things are slowly but surely starting to pile up. Its just like the daily peak period for taxi drivers where there are a lot of passengers out there but not enough time to pick up them all. Project presentations are all due within the next 2 weeks and I've sacrificed millions of hours of sleep doing research after research. My eyes hurt. Tution schedules are filled to the brim and sets into full swing at the start of the coming week. Macroeconomics test 2 is in 1 week, MYOB due in 5 days and final exams in 5 weeks. The word "STRESS" pops into my mind a zillion times a day, and I'm starting to hate myself for whining, even if only to myself. Iwant to be determined to handle whatever stress there is but sometimes its simply overwhelming. See? I'm still complaining.

The deal with the 6th student fell through, so officially I have 5. I don't want to admit it, but I was more than a little relieved when I got the news from my agent. Haha. But I'm still open to one more offer. Crazy right? Packing my schedule to the very last minute so that I don't have too much free time. Haha, but I'd rather be too busy than too free so that I don't have time to let my thoughts run wild. Besides, I'm sick of constantly have to worry about not having money to live off the next month. I rather have extra money in my bank account than go the bank and have my knees go weak at the single digit balance. Will really faint okay. Haha.

Alright alright, I'll stop rambling about work and school. Something light-hearted? But I can't think of anything. Haha. Chinese New Year's coming soon. Time to buy new clothes and everything. Actually I don't really understand that trend of buying everything new for CNY. I mean, its as though we're all still living in the kampong era where we only get to buy new stuff once a year. Most of our wardrobes are probably so full of clothes that we can't even account for the actual amount. And we're spending extra money to buy unncessary stuff, despite inflation and GST hikes. And then bah kwas start rising to tens of dollars per kilo and people queue to hours on end just to buy barbequed pork. How dumb can humans get?

I think adults should be the ones getting angbaos instead of the kids; you know, to reimburse them for the huge expenses incurred just for that few days of festivites. Imagine how their hearts must be aching, but yet they still have to smile and say "Happy New Year" to everyone. Lol. Just a bit of my musings, because I'm super reluctant to spend my pay on frivolities. Keke. Two months of scrimping has turned me into a miser. =P

Not many interesting movies this week, but I'm thinking Misson Sex Control and Body#19 shouldn't be too bad. The first's a Korean comedy and who doesn't like comedies? As for the second... well, let's just say that I'm a sucker for horror and thrillers. Need to try and find time for movie watching though.

By now everyone should have heard of the death of Jimmy Nah, better known as McKing to all of us. 40 year old and suddenly dead, just like that. Imagine the many unfulfiled wishes and unspoken words he never got to say. No offense though, but I found it ironcal how people never used to leave comments at his blog and everything but all of a sudden just because he's dead, his last post is swarmed with well wishes and all. Erm... pardon me but isn't it a little too late? No ill intentions, I swear. The entire celebrity world has been shaken by his death and there have been many tributes posted to him on their blogs. May he rest in peace.

Getting sleepy already. I'll try to blog again as soon as possible, although there isn't much motivation to do so. Goodnightx!

loved





.Friday, January 04, 2008 ' 12:31 AM Y
I've finally relocated my blog after close to 3 years of using the same link. I wonder if there will be any readers at all. Haha. I've got lots and lots to blog about since my last post.

First, I'd like to wish anyone who's reading my blog a belated Happy New Year. I hope things turn out well for everyone this year, and that we will be happier than we were last year. =)

Today is the first day that I'm officially on Singtel's network, and I'm already starting to HATE it, after just half an hour of being on the network. For one, its so freaking lag that I feel like I'm on the ancient dial-up connection. AND to make it worse, the connection keeps getting connected and disconnected; the speed keeps going slow and fast; and the signal strength keeps flunctuating between Low and Very Good. I encountered NONE of these problems when I was on Starhub. My hands are itching to strangle my smart-alec sister.

School's started and I've still got lots and lots of assignments yet to complete. Lesson starts at 2pm tomorrow but I'm going to school freaking early at 9am to catch up on my projects and assignments. I've been suviving without much sleep for the past days because I'm simply to afraid that I'll oversleep again.


Tuition lessons and assignments are hectic too; I've got 5 students concurrently, and 1 more awaiting confirmation. And yea, obviously it means that I have lessons scheduled every single day. Even Sundays. Dear is groaning at my lack of free time. Haha. But anyway, it means that I'm going to be earning alot more than my initial target per month, and with luck, I'll be able to afford a new laptop by the time the vendors swarm to my school for the annual laptop fair, in around March.

Don't start lecturing me about wasting money because this laptop can seriously no longer perform its expected duties. Its so loaded with spywares and malwares that I'm surprised that it hasn't totally crashed yet. I can't even load Windows Explorer without using the Task Manager to run the program. How pathetic. Unless someone can recommend a trusted dealer who can repair my laptop at a reasonable price, I'm much better off with a new one. I'll miss this darling though. Haha. Maybe some second-hand dealer will be willing to buy it off my hands. Keke. But before that, I need to back-up some of my files, which means I need a removable disk huge enough to store thousands of songs and millions of documents.


I know I promised a review on the movie I Am Legend, so here you go:


Its actually more of a one-man show actually, with only Will Smith and his faithful German Shepherd on screen for 90% of the movie. The real humans do not appear for more than half an hour of the entire movie, and the zombies maybe even less. Its some far off year in the future, and some doctor comes up with a cure for cancer, only to find that it mutates human bodies into flesh-eating corpses that infect other humans. The whole of US has been deserted by all living humans, except for Will Smith, who's a virologist and immune to the infection. He stayed behind to try to find a cure for the infection, but isn't very successful. That is, until the end. There isn't very much humor except for the jokes he tries to crack to his dog, but the plot is definitely NOT dry. Its worth your ticket money, except you may want to watch on a weekday when the price is cheaper. Haha.

And if anyone is intending to watch Alien vs Predator 2, forget it. The whole show is so dark that half of the time, you can't actually tell who's alien and who's predator until the camera zooms up close. And the humans are basically just there to die and die. Zzz. It must have been one of the movie's targets to show to stupidity of the human race or something. There're some pretty gory scenes where the aliens eat up pregnant women's babies in their womb. Quite disgusting. On the whole, its just some lame show put together for money-making purposes with no solid storyline and too much darkness. Haha. I didn't like it.

There are quite a few group projects this term and I'm actually quite pissed off with some people. My team for IAC and LMS happens to be the same but sometimes, they are just so overly bossy. I'm not some minion who is supposed to follow them blindly, but that seems to be what they expect from me. They can accomodate another girl who is not free to meet up for project except on New Years' Eve and then they expect everyone to be free on that day. I mean, hello?!! Its New Years' Eve. Do you really think that I'd be sitting there expecting to be called up for project? Don't be crazy. I understand that you guys are also sacrificing, but please don't act so bossy can? I do not like being ordered about. Thank you.

And I know I suck at BCA because I'm always sleeping in class. But that does not mean that I do not know that I do not know what's going on for PBL. I admit that sometimes I'm blur, but when I give ideas, do you guys actually bother to listen? NO. So please shut up about me contributing the least. I can't help it if you guys suddenly sms me the day before and TELL me to meet you guys the next day. Did you ever bother asking if I had something on? Just because you are free on Sundays does not mean that I have to be too. Urgh.

Sorry for being a bitch, but sometimes stress makes you say things that you've been trying to repress. Off to watch VCD. Haha.

loved






































THE LOVED ONE;

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