.Tuesday, October 27, 2009 ' 3:00 PM Y
~*~ 27/10/2009 ~*~
Sentosa trip last Saturday was F-U-N! Just that my face got sunburned quite bad and everyone kept asking what happened. Lol~
Happy belated birthday to TKDJ!
Classes for P3 and P4 are almost ending, but I still haven't signed up for exams. Heck. I haven't even taken the exams for P1 and P2. I just can't find my motivation to study. I still love accounting, and I still know that its what I want to do as a career, but after working and coming in touch with what REAL accounting is like, I go to lessons and can't stand the crap that I'm studying. Its TOTALLY different.
Lots of people tell me that reality is just like this. Learn so much in school, but none of it applies when you really start working. But we still got to get that piece of paper. I understand, so I'm trying my hardest to psycho myself. But somehow, I'm not getting there.
And starting next paper, I'll be paying for the rest of my CAT and ACCA on my own. I can't even begin to imagine what it'll be like trying to finance my education on a $800 (after CPF) paycheck, but I'm too stubborn to ask my dad for money. Somehow or other, I will manage. And I MUST!
Don't ask me why I keep choosing to do things the hard way; I'm just used to depending on myself for everything. After so many years of not having to take money from my parents, every time I have to go up to my dad to ask for my school fees, I feel so damned awkward.
Of course, there are also other factors that are none of anyone else's business. xD
My family will be going to Chiangmai in November to attend some relative's wedding dinner and I'm not going. Mahjong party at my house!!! Hyuk hyuk! I know I'm so bad, but the thought of being able to spend one entire week on my own without anyone to keep nagging at me makes me feel unbelievably relaxed~
~*~ 28/10/2009 ~*~
I finally found out one of the reasons why I've been so stressed out recently. Sad to say, this factor is something I cannot run away from, no matter how much I want to. Unless I really harden my heart and turn my back. Which, sometimes, I'm really tempted to do.
Its incredible how I can still find it in me and smile and put on a happy face for the other people around me - my colleagues, my friends, and Dear, when deep down, I'm just feeling damn fucked up. People just can't understand that it takes 2 hands to clap- stop blaming me for every single piece of shit. Would all this stop if I just moved out?
Forget it... Don't wanna think about it anymore. Just makes me more stressed up. Maybe that explains why I'm still so tired even after 7 hours of sleep. FUCK LIFE.
.Friday, October 23, 2009 ' 9:08 PM Y
Feeling really really SIANS right now. Just one simple TKDJ outing and people can't even bother. Even when it isn't going cost them a lot of money. Damn fucked up.
In a constant state of agitation these few days. Small, mundane things set me off easily and I keep feeling stressed out. I don't what's causing all this. I need to relax but I have no fucking idea how. Initially thought we could enjoy ourselves at Sentosa tomorrow but then all that shit had to happen. Someone up there really HATES me or something.
I really really have no idea WHY I'm constantly feeling so tensed and stressed. Maybe its because of my family, maybe its other factors. But I just cannot get myself to relax.
How come the human brain cannot operate like a computer? Just take out the hard disk and replace with new one.
Took leave next Saturday, but still have not decided where to go. Haha~ Maybe just chill at Dear's house. Life is really so sians... Everytime there's finally something to be happy about, something negative pops up again. FUCK YOU REALITY.
So sleepy right now... 2 hours more before Dear knocks off....
.Tuesday, October 13, 2009 ' 4:10 PM Y
I'll be turning 19 in a month's time, but I feel like I'm turning 29. =(
Had a really long talk with Dear yesterday and he made me realise a lot of things that I didn't realise about myself, or was just too stubborn to face it. I'm going to try and make an effort to change and hopefully become a better person. =)
By now it should be confirmed that I WON'T be going to Bangkok with my family. Yippee!!! Contrary to many other people, I don't exactly enjoy family trips. And I'm S-I-C-K of Bangkok. Of Thailand as a whole. Besides, all those Teochew-speaking relatives there are like aliens to me. I can't even understand more than half of what they're saying most of the time. I suck at the dialect can?
One whole week to myself. PEACE! And my netbook will be here by then. Hyuk hyuk!
I finally got the office keys today!!! I know its actually no biggie, but to me, it means a lot. Like they finally accept me as part of the "family" and... its just HUGE okay? But suddenly it feels as though there are higher expectations of me and I don't know if I can live up to that. Or maybe its just me thinking too much. I hope so... xD
Last thing before I knock off:
2 years ago when I was taking BLAW in NP, I thought all that heavy text was gonna kill me. Now I'm actually typing an entire contract for Peggy and 90% of the time, I don't really understand what I'm typing. I'm speed reading all the words, but they're just a mess of jumbled crap to me. LOL. Its so different from normal reading!
Okay lah! Off to get keychains to accessorize my new keys! Muahahaha~ xD
.Monday, October 12, 2009 ' 11:28 AM Y
昨天是非常快乐的一天. 真的很希望每天都可以过得这么开心; 可以和心爱的人一起快乐.
.Sunday, October 11, 2009 ' 3:46 AM Y
I don't know why I'm still up at this time when I've got lotsa stuff to do tomorrow. Or rather, later today. Its William's wedding dinner today and the whole company will be attending! Whee~! Pretty excited. Its the first time I've attended the wedding of someone who's not related to me. Going out to do my nails later, and get a new cardigan. My bad for stretching my already tight budget, but its a special occasion. So I'm excused. xD
Yesterday was another -nua-at-home day. Let's see. I woke up at 11.30, used my sis' laptop for an hour plus, and went back to sleep until 5.30. Then had a huge quarrel with them and went back to sleep at 7 and woke up nealy 4 hours later. LOL. In total I think I slept for close to 20 hours, but the weird thing is, I still have VERY dark circles under my eyes. Wtf? And I think I STILL can sleep some more.
I'm hoping to drop by Iluma for a shrot taiko session later. Haven played in weeks and I think I'm losing my touch. So many people have been passing all the hard songs whereas I'm still stuck at 9 stars. Frustrated with myself. URGH!
I really need to take some time off to relax. Been really stressed out for the past month or so, and its affecting my mind and body. Why is it just so hard to have a normal life like so many others? I really don't understand. Why is it that I just can't be like a normal girl with normal troubles and normal stuff to worry about? Why is it so hard for me to want something, to be able to own something that I really really like a lot? WHY? I really don't think I'm asking for too much...
Nothing much to blog about really... Just updating for the sake of it. Please forgive all the jumbled nonsense. Back to sleep and all my weird dreams. Yesterday night I dreamt that I bet a hundred bucks on Man-U. Maybe later I'm gonna dream that I won I million dollars from some ulu lottery. Who knows?