.Saturday, June 19, 2010 ' 5:31 AM Y
Just got home after watching the match between England and Algeria and boy, what another disappointment. This is the first time I'm truly watching the World Cup and it totally stinks bad! All the top class teams with the top class players are performing like they're playing for the 1st time whereas all the underdogs suddenly dominate the entire spotlight. What.the.bloody.fuck.
Even more pissed by the fact that I had to waste 10 minutes waiting for the Internet to finally connect. No idea whether its because of the laptop, of the distance between my room and where the modem/router is, or because Singtel just sucks.
Just to rant a little before I fall unconscious into my bed... I know my mom doesn't like me to come home this late, but seriously, get used to it! Its been what? Three years, and she's still nagging over the same thing everyday. Brr... Besides, World Cup only comes once every 4 years and I've been such a good girl for the past month. xD
Sometimes I just don't get what they want. Parents. They tell you that you're at a wise old age of 20 and expect so goddamn much from you, yet when it comes to situations where you want them to just leave you alone, they coddle you like some small kid. Contradicting and fucking annoying. Its like, you know, there's really no such thing as getting the best of both worlds. If you expect me to go out and work and support myself whereas everyone else is just having the party of their lives, then in turn, you can turn a blind eye to my late homecomings and other minor whatnots. Afterall, really, be glad your kid ain't some hardcore clubbing "chiongster" coming home nearly everyday reeking of alchohol while maxing out YOUR credit card.
People say its unfilial to talk about one's parents this way; that they just want what's best for me. All I can say in defence is that no one ever came and asked whether I thought this was the best for myself. I started working because this was simply what is expected of me, and because I would be going hungry if I didn't. There was never a choice of "Oh, let's find some part-time to do for the sake of it". Nope. No such luxury.
Don't tell me to stop whining about my circumstances. I don't really want to either, but I think its only fair trade that you leave me alone when I don't bother you. $20 after the last day of O levels, I've never again opened my mouth to ask for allowance. Even when the going was tough, I just had to grit my teeth and bear with it. I'm not privileged enough to juggle an existing social life, so at least grant me the right for this bit of freedom.
Sometimes I think it'd really be better not to have to be alive and struggle through all these obstacles. I'm not suicidal; I just feel really tired and burnt out. Sometimes I feel so frustrated I just wanna scream and keep on screaming, and perhaps smash my fists into a few walls while I'm at it. Violent tendencies. Oh YES. I feel like a 20 year old trapped in a fucking 30 year old body. Or is it the other way round? Too tired to think.
Really gonna start writing soon. I've got to convert all that pent up frustration into some other form of literary expression or I'll be blogging the same stuff for the next millennium, and even I shudder to think of that.