<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d19121411\x26blogName\x3dSweet+Sweet+Love\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLACK\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttp://rain-of-rubies.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://rain-of-rubies.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d4039630886989369132', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
.Friday, May 17, 2013 ' 2:19 PM Y
I'm back! But I'm also moving to WordPress. 

Its been almost 2 months since the breakup, and no, I wouldn't say I've totally moved on, but I'm taking baby steps, and what is most important right now is for me to start over anew. For too many years, my whole life has been centered around him. Its taking me a lot of effort to shift away from that habit now. 

I still think of him pretty often. I miss the days of joy and laughter we had. I miss the best friend I could turn to no matter what happened. I miss the movie dates we used to have nearly every week. I miss a lot of things. Even now, I still get reminded of him and of us no matter where I go or what I do. I walk past jewellery stores or furniture shops and have to purposely turn my head because I am reminded of what was almost mine but is no more. I avoid news and topics about houses, weddings or what-nots because it is too painful to be reminded that the flat I had been coveting for so long is now out of my reach. 

I'm like a drug addict in rehabilitation and the withdrawal symptoms are shit to go through, but each day it gets easier. I'm still very empty inside, but I hope one day I can fill up that empty space inside of me again. 

I'm starting over a brand new chapter of life in many aspects. The most important of which is learning to start loving myself. All these years I've always put the people around me as my topmost priority. During the six and a half years we were together, I always put his happiness above my own, especially after we had applied for the flat. To me, he was the one who I was going to marry anyway, and (call me stupid if you like) I believed that as long as he was happy, I would be too. 

After everything fell apart, I went through this really painful period of self-doubt, self-hate, and self-blame. I felt that I was the one who had caused him to stop loving me. That I was the one who had destroyed it all by not being good enough, not treating him well enough. I was depressed, suicidal and I seriously contemplated going to a shrink because the frequency of suicidal thoughts swimming around in my mind alarmed even myself. 

But as the days went by I started to realise that, in every situation, it take two hands to clap. Sure, I might have been foul-tempered and slightly too unreasonable, but he was the one who disrespected me by continuing to flirt and play around with that girl despite me telling him countless times to not cross the limits. He was the one who decided to end the relationship despite me pleading with him so many times to just give it one more try. He was the one who didn't know how to treasure me and those six years of myself I had given to him. All that we had gone through, all that I had been willing to go through with him, all that we could have been. To him, it didn't matter anymore. It stung badly, but there wasn't a thing I could do about it. 

I don't know if I'll ever regret my decision to remove and erase anything that evokes memories of him and us, but right now I can't deal with those memories and I choose to run. Maybe I'm being cowardly or maybe one day I'll look back and berate myself for being so stupid, but at this moment in time, it is what I feel I need to do and I'm sticking with it. 

Its not going to be an easy journey to find my self-confidence and to learn to love who I am, but I am going to learn. During the initial phase of the breakup, I was needy and clingy. I needed constant companionship and I was scared to try out new things alone simply because I didn't want to be by myself. But now I realise that there is nothing to be scared about. As long I like what I am doing, as long as I know it is what I want to do, I shall go for what I want. If anyone wants to tag alone, welcome. If not, then I will be my own support. 

I'm permanently moving back to WordPress because I have a different concept of what I'm going to be writing about from now on, but I won't give up on this blog. It contains more than 7 years of my life stories and although I want to start afresh now, I know I can't cut off everything just like this. Maybe I'll come back again someday, or maybe I'll do the occasional posts here but whatever it is, I'll be keeping this blog as a memory of the innocence and naivety I used to have. 

Goodbye Blogger. Goodbye rain-of-rubies. I'm gonna miss you but I'm gonna have fun at a brand new place now. I'll post the new link once I've sorted out all the layouts and stuff over at the new blog. Cheers to the start of a brand new journey!

loved






































THE LOVED ONE;

*MaKiNo AyAnO TsUkUsHi -
*born 10th November -
*PrOud LittLe ScOrpioN -
*StuBBorN & quIcK-teMpeRed -
*FoRgivEs bUt NeVeR foRgEts -
*cOntAct hEr at tough_jennifer@hotmail.com -


SHE WANTS

*a New laPpY
*tRaveLs aRouNd tHe wOrLd
*vOcaL lEssOnS
*a KeYbOarD
*to LivE in RiChmOnd,B.C

HauNts

-=*HeR*=-

-=*SiS*=-
-=*KaThLeEn*=-
-=*SiMiN*=-
-=*JiNwEn*=-
-=*JaNe*=-
-=*ReLz*=-
-=*QiU rUi*=-
-=*BeNjAmIn*=-
-=*ShAo QiU*=-
-=*LaY fEnG*=-
-=*JeSsIe*=-

> -=*Gabrylo*=-

-=*ShAhRuL*=-
-=*StIcKgIrL*=-

CeLebS

-=*AlEc Su*=-
-=*JiMMy LiN*=-
-=*LeO kU*=-
-=*ShOw LuO*=-
-=*KiNgOnE wAnG*=-
-=*KeLlY pOoN*=-
-=*RaInIe YaNg*=-
-=*RuBy LiN*=-

-=*JaCk NeO*=-
-=*LaO zHa BoR*=-
-=*Mc KiNg*=-
-=*XiaXue*=-
-=*KeNnY sIa*=-

Past AcQuainTanCes

Past Acquaintances

-=*ShYaNg LoNg*=-
-=*JaSmInE tAn*=-
-=*AmY*=-
-=*MeLvIn*=-
-=*RuI cHeNg*=-
-=*JeReMy*=-
-=*SaMuEl*=-
-=*JeNnIfEr*=-
-=*JiAn WeI*=-
-=*JuN mInG*=-
-=*LiAnG hAo*=-
-=*JiAn XiOnG*=-
-=*XuE yInG*=-
-=*RaChEl*=-
-=*MaIsIe*=-

MeMoRiEs

November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
November 2010
December 2010
March 2011
May 2011
June 2012
August 2012
February 2013
March 2013
April 2013
May 2013
July 2013

CrEdiTs

designer & editer of codes; x
base codes; x
image hosting; x
fonts; x
images; x
edited with photoshop CS2


MuSiC