.Thursday, December 08, 2005 ' 3:28 PM Y
I'm feeling much better. I'v got myself under control again. Just read my godsister and godbrother's blog about 5 minutes ago. And realised how aboslutely selfish I have been. Me and my friends. Firstly I would really like to apologise for trying to bring them together again after so many unhappy episodes, especially since we used to try to separate them all the time. I completely failed to understand how they were feeling. Until they had to present the facts in front of me. I feel so guilty. But i have to defend that the reason we keep trying to bring them together is simply because we know that they DO have feelings for each other still. I mean, who wouldn't like to see happy endings, especially between treasured friends? I mean, both of them are very important people in my life and yes, I would love to see them together. Of course, that doesn't mean I'm trying to excuse myself from all blame. I do sincerely apologise, again, for trying to bring them together and of course, from the fact that I feel some pleasure from seeing the two of them together. Is that sick? I don't know. Really. I mean, surely it isn't wrong to want to see happiness between two people? Especially between two people who COULD have a very bright future together if they really tried hard enough and stopped running away from their problems. From my point of view, they could just sit down and discuss their own emotional barriers and truly understand the fears of the other party, instead of keeping everything all bottled up or turning to other people instead. This is what makes the other party feel hurt and rejected. A side step here: this theory could also prove to be useful in friendships. What I'm trying to put across is, no matter what kind of relationship it is between two or more parties, honesty is the very best policy. I suppose this sounds corny but when one actually thinks about it carefully, it is actually very true. Okay, I'm going out of point here. Back to the main topic. I do admit that I definitely do not have the right to try and involve myself in matter which only concerns the two main parties. I'm truly sorry. Now for the second thing. My godbrother. I don't know... Its like... I feel that I'm losing him. He slowly but definitely drifting away from me, from all of us. I don't like what's going on, but I can't stop it. I don't know how to. What he presents to the world. Is that really the real him? Because I seriously doubt it. He's changed so very completely. And it isn't for the better. But I still love him. As a friend, as a sister. I really wish he could stay with the group forever, but I know some things are very hard to hold on to. But I just can't bring myself to let him go. Maybe I will if that is what he really wants, but no guarantees. What I know is, the day he leaves is the day when he brings a portion of my heart with him. I don's care how corny it sounds. Its the truth, but I don't dare to let him know it. Here goes for being a coward. *Sighs* No more mood to blog. I'm signing off. Hope everything will work out correctly. Carpe Diem.
