.Friday, February 10, 2006 ' 9:56 AM Y
Sad to say, I've utterly failed. I've tried. I've really tried my best and my hardest. But I got beaten. By one single comment. I can't believe that I'm so weak, but I guess that its just time for me to face up to facts. Yes I am weak. And my fighting spirit has died again. And I've lost myself again. And now I really understand the meaning of split personality. The dark can transform me into a totally different person. A bitch. Yet I enjoy being a bitch. But then again, I really hate myself. So what do I really want? I wished I knew. Could someone please kindly give me some answers? I don't even who I am anymore. No matter who I try to be, what I want to be, I always end up making people unhappy. I shed tears of pain, but if you ask why I'm crying, I honestly cannot come up with an answer. I'm seriously confused. The bump on my forehead doesn't really help. I mean like... if you really hate me then why are you still caring about me? So what am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to react? I really don't know. I don't understand. I seriously don't know what I'm ranting about right now. And I apologise for making BC cry last night.
I can't remember what I wanted to blog about. I was supposed to have a lot of things to say. But I can't remember them. I can't believe how easily affected I've become. I can't understand why I've become so very weak. A mere 7 words can make my world crash. Totally shattered into minute pieces. Why? But then again, I can't exactly say that I'm hurting. Because I don't feel anything. Perhaps I've simply become numbed. Perhpas its just an illusion. Maybe I'm so crazy that I've started hallucinating.