.Friday, March 24, 2006 ' 11:37 PM Y
Everyone's feeling stressed out. I seriously don't know what to say or do anymore. All I can suggest is that we meet out one day and sit down to discuss this. All I can firmly reinstate now is that I will NOT come back to this group. I am not going to allow myself to be hurt by the same kind of things thrice. And I can bet that history will always repeat itself. I know QR may not like the idea of meeting out. Yes I can sense it. But that's the only solution I can think of. It may be selfish of me. But this is an important year to me. I really want to focus all I have on my O Levels, no matter how much I seem not to care. I don't want to have to bothered by such stuff anymore. To SQ... I've read your blog. Yes. That so-called hidden one. I don't know how to stop you and I don't think I have that right anymore. If you really think that by walking away just like that, you can find true happiness, so be it. I won't stop you anymore. I apologise for pulling you back into the group the other time. I caused you more hurt than anything else. To me you will always be the closest gor I've ever had. And like you said. Please keep in contact. To QR... I don't know whether I'm thinking too much. But my sixth sense tells me that you're really afraid that I will be weak and return to the group, dumping you again. I can only hope that you will trust me when I promise that I will be by your side forever. The bond between us is not something that I can or will ever break. To the rest... Maybe we can remain normal friends? I don't know. Towards Gray, ZH, BC and SK... I also don't know what to say. Lolx... I sound like some idiot. I don't know this I don't know that. I'm not confused, just that I don't know what my heart feels anymore. Its like so many emotions mixed up in there that its no longer able to differentiate them all. To Van. I think that the email you sent to me should also have been sent to QR. Maybe you think its useless. And yes, is it useless in a way that its not going to convince us to return to the group. All I can argue is that, since you yourself also can say that you really need alot alot alot of attention, then why bother asking me and QR back? I must say that I feel happier now. A lot more free than last time. Because I don't have to worry about being left out by anyone. Because I know that QR, Ben and ZH won't do that to me. My only regret is that I've almost totally stopped contact with SQ. But seriously, I don't know what to do. One is my jie, one is my gor. Tell me what to do please? I'm not blaming them or anything. Maybe I just don't know how to juggle both of them. End up I'm neglecting SQ. I'm really sorry. I don't want to continue with this entry anymore. Pointless. I think I've ended up making everything even more complicated. What the heck.
