.Sunday, April 08, 2007 ' 3:49 AM Y
I suppose its finally time to stand out and admit. Yes. This is a sad blog. A pathetic one that no one likes to read. But its okay though. Because it displays my emotions the way I want them to be displayed. This entry marks a very important chapter in my life. So important that I don't know where to start from. Let's just say that from this day onwards, I am officially erasing myself off where I no longer belong. If anyone is curious to know, YES this is about the "SQ saga". I don't know who thinks what of me, neither do I care anymore. Suffice to say, I've gotten a clear view of where I stand and I've finally found my answers on the true meaning of friendship. I've finally understood that it is time to move on. I have been stupidly standing still while the world continued spinning. I have been desperately holding onto the past, deceiving myself again and again that everything will one day go back to what it used to be. I have been a fool. It is time for me to start opening up my world and my heart to others; time to let others have the places that were once reserved for only certain people. It has come to point where we understand each other so little that minor comments turn into a sparring of words, where civilised conversation is no longer possible. Who is right and who is wrong? Does it even matter anymore? It is time for me to force myself to move on and accept reality as it is, no matter how reluctant I may be. And reality is that close friends have turned into mere acquaintances and nothing can change that fact anymore. Time to wake up and stop dreaming about what will never happen again. 4 years is a long time. Long enough for anything to change from sweet to bitter, from right to wrong. Once upon a time we meant the world to each other. Once upon a time we were inseparable. But our worlds have changed. And now the presence of each party means as little as their absence. It has been a long time since I've felt this numb, as though there're so many emotions whirling through me that I can't even identify what they are. I'm smiling through my tears, so am I happy or am I sad? Worse, could it be self-pity? I can't say I've lost everything, because in truth, I really haven't. But I'm sentimental. I will miss the past memories. One day I will look back and regret letting go. I might hate myself. But for now, its time for everyone to cool off a little and take a breather. I can't say I've never been unhappy in the past 4 years, but the happy times are worth remembering and treasuring too. I could never regret that, neither would I ever.