.Monday, April 23, 2007 ' 1:58 PM Y
We're so crazy la... Me, Shawn and Regina... Haha... Never pay attention to CIP tutorial... Instead, we went to Regina's blog to anyhow tag and tag and tag... Lols... Pretty stupid la... We're just sitting next to each other then still have to post out comments on the tagboard. Lol... That is the true meaning of SPAM man... Keke... But I'm having lots and lots of fun though. Keke. So tired... Later still gotta go to work. Anyways... regarding the SQ saga, I think we all know that the whole thing is a misunderstanding. I'm still pissed that he cannot phrase his words nicely, but I no longer care anymore. QR... I saw your entry. And yes I must say that to some extent I don't care anymore. Why should I? Yes... 4 years of friendship. But the drift between us is so wide that we cannot see each other clearly anymore. I'm not cutting off any friendships; I'm taking a break from thinking here and thinking there. For what? At the end of the day, I only bring myself pain. I know its rude to hang up on people, but at that point of time I knew that whatever words I use will not be able to explain my feeling. Instead of quarrelling over the phone, I choose to hang up. I choose to let myself take a breath. To say something childish, I think you guys out there have also hung up on others at some point of time in life. I have a stubborn temper. I'm ultra-sensitive. Yet I don't understand how is it that everytime I say something, it gets interpreted in the way that I'm trying to start a quarrel. Like I'm so free. I'm not confused. I'm just disappointed. I'm not angry. I just don't know what to say anymore. Through this incident, it has just shown me even more clearly where all of us stand. Clearly, we are no longer on the same path. How much do we really understand each other now? I know its cruel of me to say that. Its going to hurt, but I think we all know that too many problems have caused us to drift further and further away from each other. Maybe you're just going to say that I'm being too dramatic, or that I'm just making a big deal out of nothing by saying all this. Like I said, I'm just numb. So many things have happened, yet not once have I ever felt any form of support from anyone of you. I learnt to stand alone. I learnt to protect myself. So that I don't start getting upset because of your neglect. Even as I'm typing all this I don't really feel much. Even if there's feeling, I also don't know how to describe. QR... please don't say that you're dumb or that you're always the first to apologise. I think both of us have given in to each other too. You may think that I'm always too stubborn to listen to you, but all I can say is that, many times, I shut myself up simply just to avoid quarrelling. But this time, I really couldn't take it. Its as though everyone is ganging up against me. Its like all of you guys now stand together on an island, whereas I stand alone. This is really how I feel. Its not just now. Its been like this since a long time ago. BC knows. Because I've mentioned it to him before. Maybe our friendship is really shallow to the extent that it can only survive when we're in the same school. Is that really it? 40 years... I also want. I used to envision myself travelling to different countries with you guys. But that vision is so blurry now. Haha... I'm not talking sense man... Don't ask me what I want. Because I think I also don't know. But if there is a way to resolve all these conflicts between everyone, I'm willing to give it a shot. If there is any way that we can really and truly bare our hearts to one another without both parties getting offended and walking away, I'm willing to do it. The question is. Is it even possible? I seriously doubt it. You believe that you've done nothing wrong. So do I. And I feel so very wronged. But if that is the case, then why are we quarreling? Why do we confront each other over every single comment. Not only between me and QR, but also between each and every one of us in this so-called group of friends. What has gone so wrong that we can no longer tolerate each other?
