.Wednesday, June 06, 2007 ' 2:24 AM Y
This is the first time I have ever seen my tagboard so flooded. Thanks to everyone who tagged. Thanks for your concerns. This is the first time ever that I've received so many positive comments altogether at one time. Sec 4E probably wouldn't have acknowleged this blog's existence. I'm so touched that I really don't know what to say.
Contrary to what people may think, I did not post the previous entry with the intention of attracting attention. It was just what I felt at the point of time. I don't know how to explain lahs. Hahas. Its like, after enjoying so much, I started to doubt my happiness. I started to question whether it is real. Because I was too afraid to let myself hope that things could actually turn out different. After more than 4 years of hoping and facing disappointment, it was hard for me to believe that I could ever be accepted within any circle of friends. In fact, I entered NP already resigned to lunching and heading to classes alone. Its not that I'm a negative person or anything, its just that after so much that has happened, I find it hard to be positive. I suppose people who know me from NP find that hard to believe, because right from the start since I entered the school, I've been nothing but cheerful and outspoken. And I actually take the initiative to talk to people and make friends. Haha. Even I can't believe that I've actually changed so much. To cut off the crap, I'm simply grateful to TA02 and everyone else in NP who actually brought out this change in me. I know that you guys probably think this is nothing, but to me, its like a luxury that I've never been able to enjoy before.
Alright alright. This will be my last "emo" post for some time to come so just let me emotionalise all I want for now okays? I've been doing quite a lot of self-reflection over the few months since I graduated and started working. I've definitely changed and grown alot. Yeah, I'm still the same old stubborn me, and some might say, always starting quarrels, but in other aspects, I'm no longer who I used to be. My way of thinking is different now, and I actually set goals and targets for myself to work towards to. I don't want to be the old me; always worrying about failing subjects, yet not bothering to do anything about my studies until the last minute. And I'm trying my hardest to be more positive and less oversensitive. No more depressed teen thinking too much and crying herself to sleep. And no more cutting. That I swear. Till date, I have not made any more markings on my wrist ever since September 5,2006. Maybe even before that. Haha. My scars are still there though, and they serve as a reminder of all the unhappiness, childishness and foolishness that used to be me. No more of that. Let lightning strike me to death, should I ever attempt to cut myself again. One day maybe I can write a book about why teenagers turn to cutting themselves. ^.^!
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Enough of sadness. Here are some updates for the past few days or so. Went to the PC show at Suntec last Sunday and bought a camera and a new phone. Both Samsung. Hahas. We only got to shopped at those two booths because Daddy was in a rush to pick up his regular customers. =.=" Also because we dallied too long at the camera booth listening to the promotor "pyscho-ing" us to buy the camera, deciding on which colour to get, and paying the for camera. Don't ask me what model is it, because I don't know either. Haha. All I know is: Can slide out one. LOL. Very cool though. I'll be using it to take some pictures when I go back to Dunman either this week or the next. I just remembered that the school will be undergoing PRIME sometime this year and I want to capture some memories before everything is torn down. Somehow, I can't imagine Dunman with a new look. I mean, after so many years in there, its hard to believe that one day I'll walk by and be unable to recognise my own former secondary school. T.T! So yeah, I'm going to take some very important pictures because I'm afraid that someday I will forget.
Now. The phone. My phone. FREAKING SHIT GOT PROBLEM LESS THAN 24 HOURS AFTER I BOUGHT IT! NABEH! Okay, so my mom bought it for me. But its still my phone. In a very nice shade of purple. And now I may have to change to another colour because today when I brought down to their HQ at Geylang Road they told me no more stock in purple. OMFG! Left the "orbit-obiang" red-don't-look-like-red, pink-don't-look-like-pink colour. Never will I be caught walking on the streets using that. The worst thing was that they couldn't even confirm when the new stocks will be coming. Freak lah. Wait until moon drop down still no stock how? Eat green cheese to comfort myself is it? (Ok lah, I'm being lame.) ANGRY!
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Facing a little bit of financial problems again. It upsets me to see dear so stressed up about work and money. There's so little I can do for him that sometimes I feel pretty useless. I'm trying to put in as many hours at Fish & Co as I can without neglecting him, just so that I can earn more money. So that when he has to draw on his own meagre pay to cover the bills, I can actually help him out a little. That's about the only thing I can do right now. =(
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Over the months since I've picked up blogging again, I've been using this blog as a real diary. By writing about all my frustrations and sadness, I actually feel much better. Not to mention that I can share my happiness with those who bother to read my blog too! Hahas. Maybe some of the stuff I say sound a little attention-seeking, but I can swear that I'm not.
Long entry for today. Gotta stop and go to sleep. Thanks again to everyone who really made my day (and my life) so much happier. Love all my darlings. Haha. And to Regina: You didn't have to say sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. It was just my inner demons. =)!
Oh by the way, one last thing. I've changed the song on my blog to one whole playlist of the new songs from S.H.E's newest album because I thought it was time for some change. Please give me some comments, especially whether you guys prefer the new playlist or the previous song. Thanks in advance!
