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.Tuesday, August 28, 2007 ' 3:16 AM Y
I've been thinking way too much again. For some unclear reason, I started pondering over this question while mapling: What determines the successfulness of a person?

Maybe its just my inferiority complex rearing its ugly head; I started comparing myself to all those around me. First of all, let's talk about my sister. At barely 21 she's earning a salary of 2k a month, has numerous debit cards, investments and high-interest savings accounts in various banks, and on the verge of getting her very first credit card (or trying to psycho my dad into signing one for her). Oh, I don't know. If you don't call that successful, then I have idea what is. I mean, look at me. I'm teaching tuition and working part time here and there sometimes, but I still struggle to make ends meet on certain months. My savings account is totally trash and my wallet just contains cards that are there for show. Things like Ez-link, student card, Zone-X arcade card etc etc. Pretty hard to believe that we're sisters right? No wonder my parents are so proud of her. Often, she comes home and rambles on about this new investment or that, while I reach home and shut myself in my room with the laptop straight after bathing. I know that I'm also at fault, but somehow I just can't find anything to talk to them about. =S

Now lets talk about friends. I'm not going to mention names. Because it just doesn't seem like a wise move. But the word friends includes everyone I've known from the past till now. EVERYONE. Well anyway. The thing is, somehow, some way or other, I just feel like an odd angle sticking out. No no, not the "emo" thing. I don't feel ostracised or anything. Its just that, its very obvious that our train of thoughts travel in entirely different directions. Our thinking differ way too much, until sometimes I feel as though 1) I'm being bratty or 2) they're simply too childish. But I still can't help but envy the way they are able to make friends so easily. The way people just like and accept them automatically whereas its not that simple for me. Somehow around them, I always end up being "part of the background". Sometimes because I choose to do so; sometimes because I simply don't know what to say or do to join in. Somehow, I've lost the ability to make people laugh, and that discredits me since I seldom have anything in common to share. And when I do, few people bother to listen. =G

Thus, with these comparisons, am I deemed to be a failure? -Don't know.

I have no idea why I suddenly had those kind of thoughts, but I just did. And I felt compelled to blog about them. Alright. Now that I've gotten those wicked demons out of my head, I'm backing to surfing Youtube again. Haha. Still caught in my "Alec-obssession". =P



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