.Sunday, September 23, 2007 ' 2:07 AM Y
Whee~! I'm so proud of myself for finally learning to be more tolerable, even of things I feel strongly about. I finally learnt how to hold my tongue and not make any comments even though deep inside, I feel like exploding and lashing out at everyone. I've finally managed to hide all that volcanic emotion from everyone.
I don't know why I'm choosing to hide myself. Maybe its because there're just too many thoughts whirling inside me. Maybe I'm just afraid that if I express myself too strongly, people are surely going to use all sorts of negative words against me. Therefore I choose to remain silent. But I must also clarify that by not saying anything, it does NOT mean that I'm just going to pretend it never happened.
Today, I learnt a valuable lesson. Or rather, I realised something that I should have understood long long ago. I can only blame my own stupidity for making assumptions where such things are concerned. I should have let go of the past as soon as I had the chance to, but I was too soft-hearted. I thought that even though everything's different now, that precious bit of relationship between us would never cease to exist. I was so wrong. Now I realise that. Abit too late huh? But still, I gotta try and make amends to myself.
I think I can safely say that other Dear and I, there is no other living thing on Earth that I can truely turn to now. Not even my family. This is not depression okay. This is just another harsh fact of life, where you just know it, even though others will tell you otherwise.
Once, in a long ago entry, I asked myself and everyone out there: What is the true meaning of friendship?
I still haven gotten my answer yet. Everytime I think I've derived the answer, I find out that I'm actually very wrong. Maybe its just because my thinking differs way too much from others. I suppose that I just can't help but keep on holding so very tightly to everything and everyone. It is also in times like these, when I make such realisations, that the urge to go far far away and hide from everyone becomes even stronger. I'm so cowardly, aren't I?
I really want to stop myself from caring so much about all those mundane things anymore. Thinking so much makes me stressed, and I just wanna relax. Please... I learnt my lesson already. So give me a break okay?! *Sighs* Now I'm really starting to sound depressed. Shit.
~*~
Dear, his parents and I brought Sheltie to the vet today. The poor piggy got himself sick with diarrhoea and a fever. He was supposed to get his vaccination today but the doctor said it was better not to because Sheltie's fever was quite high. Postponed to next week. But still had have an injection. The piggy so scared lah~! Lol. So big-sized but so timid. But it was pretty heart-wrenching to see him so scared. My god. That pair of eyes totally owned my heart can... They had to muzzle him because the doctor was afraid he might bite. And Sheltie struggled so hard to get rid of the muzzle that he was practically scratching out his nose. =( Luckily he's recovering quite fast. Just now before I left Dear's house, the fever was almost gone. Poor Sheltie. Fast recover okay? By the way Sheltie is a doggie hor... I just like to call him a piggy because he's very fat. Haha.
Today was the first time I've ever visited a vet's clinic. So different from a normal polyclinic. Haha. There was a guy with a super timid Shih Tzu. Very nice fur; white and chocolate brown. Naughty Sheltie kept trying to smell it (I don't know the gender) and it kept hiding under the chair. Lols. And then when they were about to go off, it simply refused to walk in front of Sheltie. We were sitting down and there was another Indian lady standing in front of us. The Shih Tzu ran to hide behind the Indian lady and wouldn't budge even when the owner kept tugging at its leash. So cute. Haha. End up the owner had to let go of the leash and then carry it up. Haha.
And there were so many many many other doggies. All so so heartwarmingly cute. I wanna get a Maltese~!!! Haha. Enough about doggies. I'm off to watch my drama serial again. Heehee.
Drats. Nowadays, blogging makes me feel like I'm talking to myself. =.="
P.S Do you guys like my blog's new song? Its sung by Jimmy Lin. Title is called 对望, which is also the opening theme song of the new Taiwan idol drama 放羊的星星. Hope you guys like it~! =)
