.Tuesday, November 06, 2007 ' 2:05 AM Y
Today's entry is directed at BC and QR. For once, I just don't feel like beating about the bush. Why be so pretentious and act as though you're not really talking about that certain someone when in actual fact, the whole world probably knows who you're referring to? I leave it to you to judge whether I'm being harsh or just blabbering nonsensical crap, but as of now, its my most honest opinion/thought. I have absolutely no intention of starting a quarrel, because I'm not making up stories. If anyone thinks what I'm saying is completely fictional, you're free to rebutt me with the ugliest comments. I know we've ALL drifted apart over the past 2 years or so, but does that mean that our friendship no longer exists?Just because I'm no longer the childish girl who will cuddle up to you guys and act cute, does that mean that we can no longer communicate like normal human beings?Is it because of the fact that we no longer keep in touch so often that you've forgotten how to be a real friend even when we meet up on those few occasions?I'm talking about attitude, favouritism, un-gentlemanliness, and negligence. Attitude as in the way you talk. You know, BC, sometimes you really got to keep in check, the way you "communicate" with others. Perhaps you may not realise, but your tone is definitely of the calibre suitable for starting up arguments and fights. Favouritism, as in can you stop being so overly-protective of QR? (Sorry QR, that I had to mention your name as well. No offense.) I'm positively sure that we all care about her as much as you dom but there is a fine line between caring and being possessive. She's not a baby. Do you really have to act like she's made of fragile porcelain? She's not going break because of a fall. Do you really think you're a caterpillar spinning a cocoon? Like, sometimes, when its not your place to speak up, it would be very much appreciated if you can just shut up. I'm sure you're well aware of what I'm referring to? If you like, I can give you examples too. =)Okay, I cancel out "un-gentlemanliness", because after considerable thought, I suppose it can be classified under favouritism as well. Negligence as in the failure to consider the feelings of your friends, OTHER THAN QR, and in some situations, their needs and wants. Is it moral to shoot your mouth off without bothering to consider the opposite party's feelings? Again, this links back to attitude. Is it kind to see someone plodding home with a HUGE stack of books and pretend you don't know a shat? You really think people cab because they're CHEAP? Or is it because of the convenience of not having to lug a huge burden home? What more do you want me to say? I'm not perfect. In fact, I might have more flaws than most people, be it physically or otherwise. But at least I know how to be a real friend. Even if the friendship is no longer that deep. I might not be able to be there to support them 24/7, but at least my conscience pricks at me. Does yours do the same? Do you even have one? Disclaimer: Feel free to hurl the ugliest gossip about me in between yourselves, either in front of me or behind my back. At least I have been honest with myself, and with you, regarding how I feel. But can you say the same for yourself? If you think I've been a liar, feel free to point out my lies. I'm so tired. Sometimes high expectations cause unnecessary stress. Why should trying to maintain a friendship be so tiring? Sure, effort is needed. But does it have to drain you empty of all emotions at the end of the day? Not just him, but everyone else as well. Does one really have to be so weighed down with guilt just because you weren't free at the right time? I can't predict the future. I can't look into a crystal ball and know that you're going to need me at exactly this day and this time. The saying that "You get what you ask for" is actually quite true sometimes. If you don't ask, who is to know what you really need? If you don't say anything, who can guess what you're really thinking. I know QR keeps feeling that she's being consumed by darkness right now. I suppose this is a form of depression too? But if don't make the first step to reach out for a helping hand, how would you know how many pairs of hands are waiting to pull you out of the dark well? Its the same theory as making self-introductions to new people, isn't it? If you don't make the first attempt to introduce yourself, how many people are you going to end up not knowing, because they too, are to shy to introduce themselves? Ask and we will be there. This, I dare to say for Ben, Van and I. We may not physically be there, but we will always be glad to lend a listening ear. Even if we are there and you choose to remain silent, does it make any much more difference? It is a choice, your choice, whether to shoulder your burden on your own, or enlighten yourself. You have friends. We are your friends. Are we yours? Will you turn to us?
