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.Thursday, November 22, 2007 ' 10:08 AM Y

当一个人面对了太多次的拒绝和否认,那种不快乐,不被包容的坏心情,足够与把人的心麻木掉。而当下一次再面对同样的事情时,也学会了把自己真正的心情掩饰住了。不管别人怎么说我是在想太多或是太过于敏感,此时此刻,我的的确确实个闯入者。我也很想尝试着放下心里的那块石头,装成若无其事地去接近大家,天真的以为我就是他们的一份子,但我办不到。因为我很清楚地知道,要让他们接受我,是必须下苦功的,可我真的不知道该如何这么做。



可能是被拒绝过了太多太多次吧,我也不再敢奢望自己被谁肯定或接受。虽然我拼命的不让自己灰心,那一波又一波的挫折,不管是大是小,都打得我筋疲力尽。也因为这样,当某人对我偶尔施舍一些关心或友谊时,我的开心中,总是存有那么一点的惊讶和不可思议,仿佛不太敢相信原来还有人会注意到我。

当她说她被学校里的事情困扰的好累好累的时候,我很想告诉她,她并没有一个人。但可能我们都彼此压抑了太久吧,一时之间,大家所然都好多话想说,都已经开不了口了。至今我还是有那么一点搞不清楚状况,但我真的觉得这一切,都太自私,太不公平了。

我不知道我的生活现在算不算忧郁,我也不想去想什么;实在没心情。我只想让自己忙碌,不管是无里头的做一些无聊的事也好,把自己埋在工作和学业,不让自己有空档的时间去思考任何事物。我不知道自己在逃避什么,我只知道,现在的我,还没有那股勇气去坦然地面对生活的那些挫折。我还需要成长,需要渐渐得让时间冲淡一切。这么讲听起来好像有点戏剧化哦?

好累哦!恨不得快点下课!我要睡觉!!!!!!

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