.Wednesday, November 14, 2007 ' 5:29 AM Y
Something happened today that really upset me. I don't know how to describe that kind of feeling, but it was as though I totally gave up. On everything that had mattered over the past years; everything that had ever existed. What they said were true. I changed until I didn't fit in anymore. Just like how a rotten apple will cause the rest of the apples to rot, they didn't want me pulling them into the quicksand. I was talking to SL the whole incident and when I told him what I planned to do, he told me this: If this friendship was meant to break, it would have broken long ago. Hence if it can last till now, it means that there is a foundation there already. It just lacks some making and repairing and it will be the strongest thing you've ever built in your life.真的是这样吗? Is there really a foundation? You keep asking me to take the first step, because it might just salvage everything. But why bother, when further down the road, there will the same roadblocks again? To continue walking down a bumpy road filled with obstacles, there must be something worthwhile waiting at the end of the journey. But what will be waiting for me at the end of the journey? Why not just take the easy way out and travel comfortably down the other road, where there are no obstacles or roadblocks until I wish for them to appear? So that even if there is only emptiness at the end of the road, I wouldn't have wasted that much time and energy? Maybe the drama should have ended long ago, just that we kept writing continuations because we couldn't bear to let go? Every drama and every story has a start and an end. Maybe ours should have ended long ago, just that we refused to acknowledge the original script. This time, I don't know what that first step to take is. If I lift my foot to take that step, I wouldn't know where that foot would land. I'm hesitating. I'm confused and I'm struggling with the Good and Bad in me. But I'm tired, and the Good is losing. I don't want to fight anymore. 如果这真的是结局，那我们为何还要执著下去呢？我不相信什么天不天意的，但是我也不想再拖拖拉拉下去了。或许，这不是个好办法，但至少，这是我现在唯一能想出的办法。
