<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d19121411\x26blogName\x3dSweet+Sweet+Love\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLACK\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://rain-of-rubies.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://rain-of-rubies.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d3480123040565238489', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
.Tuesday, January 08, 2008 ' 1:30 AM Y
At this point, my whole body is so numb that I am moving almost mechanically. My hands are freezing cold and my spine so stiff that it feels brittle. I've been accused of being a free-loader, of all things in the world. I can swear upon my soul and everything that I hold dear to me that I definitely do NOT free-load. I may not do as much as them but that does not mean that I did not contribute a single thing. And let's not mention the point that my views are never listened to and any effort that I try to make is dismissed lightly.

I seriously don't know what to do. This is the first time I've been so upset before. I just sat there and continued doing my PBL like a robot operating a machine. My mind kept brooding over the subject and my whole body just felt super numb. I wanted to cry, but I'm not willing to let myself break down just yet. For the first time in ten years, I took the initiative to confide in my sister, and I'm grateful that God actually gave me a sister like her. For 2 hours we just sat there and talked. I told her everything; my fears, my confessions. Everything. For 2 hours, she advised all my worries and told me of her own experiences, telling me that the world isn't as blind as I think it is. And even though I'm still upset, I have been comforted. My very own personal counselor has actually been living under the same roof as me all this while.

I can't lie and say that I have done alot for the project, but I want to defend one point and that is that I really have tried to do the tasks delegated to me. Over and over again I tell them that if there is anything that they need me to do, just drop me a message. I feel bad that I have to leave early for meetings, and even miss one of them, but I do try and make up for it. Just because you don't see my effort and my struggles doesn't mean that they don't exist. I try to stay until the very last minute but then I'd also appreciate if they could stop fooling around and only settle down half an hour later.

This is like a repetition of secondary school, only so much worse. Because this time, there is no library where I can call my own turf and no friends whom I know I can turn to. None. I don't want to burden Dear because I know that if I had called him 2 hours ago, I'd most definitely have broken down. And I can't. Not at this crucial moment. No matter how hard it is, I have to grit my teeth hard and just pull through somehow. Because if I lose control, I'm falling back into that dark abyss called depression once more, and I won't allow that to happen. I am not a weakling. Give me all you've got, but don't turn coward when I fight back. But before that, let's just focus on getting what needs be done DONE.

So drained and tired. Disappointed that some people can only judge what they see on the surface. They know nothing of your background or of your thinking, but instead, put you into the picture frame that they've customed for you. For now I have only one wish. Just one. And that is to complete this semester as fast as possible. For time to pass much faster, because I don't know for how long I can continue to hold on.



*MaKiNo AyAnO TsUkUsHi -
*born 10th November -
*PrOud LittLe ScOrpioN -
*StuBBorN & quIcK-teMpeRed -
*FoRgivEs bUt NeVeR foRgEts -
*cOntAct hEr at tough_jennifer@hotmail.com -


*a New laPpY
*tRaveLs aRouNd tHe wOrLd
*vOcaL lEssOnS
*a KeYbOarD
*to LivE in RiChmOnd,B.C



-=*QiU rUi*=-
-=*ShAo QiU*=-
-=*LaY fEnG*=-

> -=*Gabrylo*=-



-=*AlEc Su*=-
-=*JiMMy LiN*=-
-=*LeO kU*=-
-=*ShOw LuO*=-
-=*KiNgOnE wAnG*=-
-=*KeLlY pOoN*=-
-=*RaInIe YaNg*=-
-=*RuBy LiN*=-

-=*JaCk NeO*=-
-=*LaO zHa BoR*=-
-=*Mc KiNg*=-
-=*KeNnY sIa*=-

Past AcQuainTanCes

Past Acquaintances

-=*ShYaNg LoNg*=-
-=*JaSmInE tAn*=-
-=*RuI cHeNg*=-
-=*JiAn WeI*=-
-=*JuN mInG*=-
-=*LiAnG hAo*=-
-=*JiAn XiOnG*=-
-=*XuE yInG*=-


November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
November 2010
December 2010
March 2011
May 2011
June 2012
August 2012
February 2013
March 2013
April 2013
May 2013
July 2013


designer & editer of codes; x
base codes; x
image hosting; x
fonts; x
images; x
edited with photoshop CS2