it's lovee;

.Monday, August 31, 2009 ' 11:15 PM Y

I FUCKING HATE PEAK HOUR!~ And I freakin' hate AYAM too.

The entire MRT system was so fucked up today I missed school again. xD

That's probably a really lame excuse, but honestly, if anyone was at City Hall MRT at 6+ today, you'd know what I mean. The whole platform was filled with living bodies~! The north and east bound trains took so damn long to reach whereas people just kept pouring out from the west bound trains. Getting in was such a chore, involving getting pushed and squeezed against smelly fellow human beings. Are you sure there are only 4 million people in Singapore? Because sometimes it feels like 4 billion.

Why is it that the government keeps encouraging Singaporeans to take public transport when this is the kind of facilities that we get? Cock-ups in train schedules and problems with the tracks, buses that take half an hour to come, and fare hikes that cause my monthly spending on transport to almost equal the amount I spend on food.

I think SMRT and SBS should pay their bus and train captains a lot a lot of money so that more people will want to take on the job, and then they can have more buses coming at regular intervals and then people will love the public transport system so much they rather use it than drive their own cars. And ta-dah! You solve the problem of too much traffic and over-pollution~! I'm so smart. xD

*Sidetrack: Isn't ironical how world leaders keep calling on their minions (a.k.a us common people) to do our part in saving the environment by using public transport, recycling our waste materials and blah blah blah. You think LKY walks around much? You see Obama taking the bus? And in name of business, they fly round and round the world, all the while consuming so much petrol, which also contributes to the increase on petrol costs. So at the end of the day, the world leaders are the ones contributing to 50% of the whole "global warming crisis".*

Imagine living in a place where there are no traffic jams and people are polite to each other. Even better if there are no smokers. Effing hate smokers. They're totally pwn-ing the world man~ Everywhere you go, there's bound to be someone puffing away on a cigarette within a metres from you.FUCKING SMELLY and harmful to my health luh~! Why is it that drugs are banned whereas smoking is legal huh? People who take drugs kill themselves, whereas people who smoke kill themselves AND the innocent people around them okay~! No brains or what huh!

Pardon me for the rant. Just got damn pissed by the train service today. And the moment I got out of the MRT station, I almost choked on some idiot's second-hand smoke. YUCK.

On a happier note, I passed Obsession Latino today on my first try. Haha. Not much of a big achievement, but just brings a smile to my face. Haven't tried the other new song and the coded version of Angel Dream but I don't think I can pass the latter. 1k tickets away to GMS~!!! Keke.

Off to bed~ *Yawn* I still have a mountain of work waiting for me in the office. Sians~

loved

.Friday, August 28, 2009 ' 11:52 PM Y

Time really flies. Just 5 days I was suffering from Monday blues and now its already the start of the weekend. 3 months at my current job feels as though I've been there for years. Not that I'm totally experienced in handling all the stuff, but because I'm getting used to the daily routine of waking up at 7am everyday, of taking the bus there, handling all the POs and administrative stuff and whatever shit. LOL.

I may not be perfect at the job, but I like to think that I'm really trying my best, and I want to learn even more. 3 months ago, I never imagined myself ever handling so much stuff at a job, but I'm actually doing that right now! Not that I'm complaining or what luh~ I really appreciate all that I've learnt. People scorn at "Admin Assistants", thinking that all we do is file a load of junk papers and answer spam calls but that's SO not true. There's so much more to do and learn than that.

Going to Rocher Centre to get new bachis with Adri, Dex, Kyon and Dear tomorrow. Haha. Then off to Iluma to test out our bachis! Keke. Will be discussing our plans to go travelling at the same time. I actually suggested to Dear that we just go somewhere nearer so we can save up money for other stuffs. Let's see how the discussion tomorrow goes.

Looking forward to the long Hari Raya weekend. Kbox + durian feast + taiko session with Kyon and Sky and whoever else wants to join us. Woots~!!! And I FC-ed 3 songs in a row today~! Keke. Too bad I kept missing towards the end of that 5min song. 894 combo and I miss. DAMN IT MAN! I will FC that song one day~ Off to watch VCDs again. Damn Blogger for being down again. Or is it just me?

*Update*~ Okay it was just me. T.T!

loved

.Wednesday, August 26, 2009 ' 12:59 AM Y

I know I should be sleeping already, but I've just got to get this all down, so I'll try to be fast. Here goes:

Recently I've been having long debates with myself regarding my way of thinking versus that of the common view. I truly uphold the stand whereby people should be more direct, straight-to-the-point, and honest about how they feel about certain things. However, I can't even bring myself to do that, because, face it: Not everyone's ready to hear the cold, hard truth.

I know what I'm going to say MAY cause a lot of problems between me and my friends, but I'm sick of holding back on my honest opinions just because I'm scared of the repercussions. If friendship cannot withstand such truths, then its all not real, and all that's between us would be just a farce.

Even though everyone's been praising CK, Mint and Yuu for doing such a wonderful job in organising and carrying out the Taiko competition, I still feel that a lot of things are very unfair.

Firstly, why was it that just because the 2nd group got Anpanman as one of their songs, the song list was refreshed not once, but TWICE? Just because its 2*? Whereas my group had Tong Hua as the very first song and yet we still had to go through with it. If the songlist is supposed to be randomised in order to be fair, then no matter what kind of song combinations come out, it should NOT be refreshed at all.

Secondly, the groupings of the contestants were really unfair. Look at Yuu's side of the "tree", and the other side. Yuu got to breeze through all the way to the finals without meeting ANY opponent that could have been strong enough to score against her, whereas players like Gepi, Gray, Adri, Zen, Kyou and all were literally killing out each other to get to the top. Its a thoroughly unbalanced scale. Wouldn't it have been better for us to just draw lots? Whoever is unlucky enough to draw a strong opponent, shucks for you. If you're lucky and you get a weaker opponent, hip hip hurray~! If our hands are the one that pick our own opponents, no one can cry foul play, can they?

Thirdly, the $9 registration fee was truely way overpriced. With a meager price of a $30 credit Tornado card, only to the top player. And CK, Mint, and the two photographers each got a card as well, even though they did not pay anything at all. Undeniably, you can argue that CK and Mint deserved it for their hard work. But the 2 photographers? Then what about us contestants? We each get a blurry, hurriedly printed out photo. Bull-fucking-shit.

Believe it or not, I'm voicing all these out not because I'm sore that I didn't win or anything. I didn't enter the competition with any hopes of winning. It was just a "join-and-have-fun-thingy", but I truly feel that a lot of things could have been made fairer and more enjoyable for the contestants. And I'm not unappreciative either. I understand the amount of time and effort that CK and Mint put in, but I think we all also know that the 9* cap was to prevent Lexus from easily sweeping the prize away.

No doubt the organisers deserve a lot of credit for the success of the competition, and I'm not going to deny them that, but you cannot deny the smear of bias-ness, no matter how tiny.

I still hate myself for not being to openly voice out all these in the forum, but even the most retarded dimwit can predict the uproar that will happen if I do. Call me coward, call me hypocrite, whatever.

For those who happen to stumble across this post and take offense, I can only say that those were my truest POVs. Would you rather I lied and pretended everything's fine? If so, then exit this blog and never come back again.

I'm not angry at any specific person and I hope no one comes and hate me because of this one post, but if its unavoidable, I shan't run from it either. I chose to blog all these down despite all the flak I'll be bound to receive, because its the one outlet where I can at least stand for my principles of life.

loved

.Monday, August 24, 2009 ' 4:38 PM Y

Zhuge Liang has appeared~! Now I'm totally hooked onto The Three Kingdoms. AND I'm also getting near to the Red Cliff part. Yea yea~!

Taiko competition is over~ I'm not really sure which stage I progressed to, but already quite far lah. LOL. 1.8k tickets away from Golden Mahjong Set (GMS).

Back to work~!

loved

.Saturday, August 22, 2009 ' 11:58 PM Y

Attended my first ever Natsu Matsuri today~! Its so freaking crowded, and the food queues are horrible. Not to mention quite expensive. But overall, I had fun! I was one of the few without an advance ticket and Sky and Kyon had to stand in line with me even though they already had tickets. Haha. Thanks man~! Love the "yo-yos" that the 2 of them caught for me. Next year we'll be smarter and bring our own food instead. xD

I'm so happy so have met Kyon. He's the first person I've ever met who loves durian as much as me. And yesterday, we went to the back of Bugis Village to eat durians. Haha. First time I've ever eat "roadside durians" with a friend. And I know I don't have to worry about Gray being jealous that I hang out with Kyon too much. Keke~

Taiko competition tomorrow. I have to be at Iluma at 11.30am. No time to sleep again. Why do my weekends keep getting burnt????? I reached home this morning at close to 6am, and kept getting woken up by sms-es and the bloody postman who wouldn't stop ringing the doorbell AND knocking on the door. First time I've ever met such a persistent courier guy. Then headed to Simei to meet Sky to go to to the Natsu Matsuri and we kept getting weird stares because from people because of his yukata. Which I really don't understand because there were many other people wearing yukatas as well. Even worse; when we were queuing to get my ticket, some woman was blatantly staring at him as though he was a freak. So I asked him to stare back at her boobs with a "Yucks!" expression and we all fell about laughing. =P

Anyways, I know I won't possibly win the competition tomorrow, but I was forced by Yuu to sign up, so I got to go no matter what. Just hope that I don't get thrashed too bad. Most probably will head to Mushroom to pop some bubbles after that. I'm 2k tickets away from the golden mahjong set!!! At first I thought it was white so I wanted the black one, but now I know its actually gold, I'm so gonna aim for it! So that next year's CNY when my relatives come, they can STOP complaining about how small my current set is. Although I don't think I'll be in Singapore during that time. Keke.

I've asked my colleague how much it cost him and his girlfriend to go to Taiwan just 2 weeks ago, and he told me less than $2k. Which I supposed is pretty reasonable for 6 days. But he didn't go to the "rural" areas, so it wasn't that fun for him. Plus, now with the aftermath of the typhoon, it doesn't seem ideal to visit Taiwan. But I really really want to go...... Korea can wait another year. xD I've told Dear that I hope we can go with a few friends, 'cuz its always been my dream to go travelling with friends. So anyone who's interested to go either Taiwan or Korea, let me know okays? Haha. Looking to fly around CNY period next year. Headache with finances though. *Sighs*

loved

.Thursday, August 20, 2009 ' 12:07 AM Y

Just when I got the itch to blog, Blogger's down again. =.="

Guess I have no choice but to go back to reading Three Kingdoms. I'm 300+ pages away from the part when Zhuge Liang appears. So looking forward to it. But like I mentioned to Gray, the more I read, the more I get disillusioned by the "positive image" of Liu Bei because at the very end, he's just another war general, albeit with a little more honour and humanity than some others. Haha.

And its amazing to "realise" just how civilised the world has become in the span of more than a thousand years. The book depicts many many scenes where the severed heads of enemies are displayed publicly. Its like, EWWWW!!! Can you imagine putting a genuine human head in front of your door? YUCKS! Seems like our ancestors had a unique fondness of beheading each other. *Puke* The storyline is good, although people with no love for history probably shouldn't bother, because there are just too many names to remember. The characters turn good, then bad, then good again and as the story pregresses, it gets quite difficult to keep track of who's who and whether he's a traitor or not. Haha.

Alright~! Shall not bore anyone with all the TK blabbing. Anyone's who interested can borrow the book(s) from me, but if you spoil them, you gotta refund me. Sleepy~~~

loved

.Sunday, August 16, 2009 ' 1:50 AM Y

I promised I'd update my template this weekend and so I did. What did I update ah? Nothing lah. Just added the link to Simin's blog and took away the music player. Haha. No major changes, because I'm too lazy, have better things to do and surfing for new skins is such a chore.

Got to go to the temple to "bai bai" to my grandmother tomorrow. Early day~ I probably should be sleeping soon. Just ironing out a few things with Gray. Haha.

Nothing much to blog about actually. Just thought I'd put up a post since I'd already logged in to do the template. *Yawns* This is the reason I do not update my blog regularly. xD Check back in about... another month or so? Haha~!

loved

.Friday, August 14, 2009 ' 12:43 AM Y

I haven't reached home this late on a weekday night in months! And it feels weird, not to mention tiring. I'm someone who needs her sleep (at least 5 hours a day) so I every night, I make sure I'm home by 10pm and in bed by 12 plus to 1am. Which is quite a record achievement for me since I'd been reaching home between 1 am to 7am for the past 2-3 years. Keke.

Anyway, reached home today to find a surprise waiting for me: the Three Kingdoms book set that I order months and months ago finally arrived!!!!!! All my sister's fault for the delay but I'm so happy right now I don't care. Mwahahahah! The only thing is, the packaging looks a little old and tattered. ZZZZZZZZ~

Don't ask me why I'm in such a happy mood now, because I don't know the reason either. FC-ed Do-Dai and Gear Up at Iluma today, and still considering whether to join the Taiko competition. It seems pretty pointless to waste $9 joining a competition that I confirm cannot win. I'm more interested in spending the $9 on tokens to spam on the bubble machine at Mushroom. xD 480 tickets and counting...~ Yuu will probably kill me when she reads this though. =P

Calculating and recalculating my expenses and savings and blah blah blahs and keep wondering whether I'll ever have enough for my trip to Taiwan. Most likely I'm going to postpone it to next year though. Lots of long weekends and CNY is uber long. Go collect the angbaos to finance abit then fly off. Keke. Okay I know that's a little far from now, but time really flies you know? I've been with my company for 3 months already and although I can't exactly say that I LOVE the company, I don't want to leave either.

Life seems very busy all of a sudden, with work, classes, gym, post-funeral rites to attend and all sorts of other whatnots. And among all these, I've got to find time for Gray too. I promised him I'd give our relationship another shot and I really will try. Sorry that this time its me who's being so "I-don't-know-how-to-say", and sorry for repeating myself over and over again, but so much has happened within these past few months that I'm having a hard time coping. Slowly snapping out of my "sian" mood, with more of my old enthusiasm coming back, but still exhausted at the end of every day. I don't know why either. I'm not trying to bitch or anything, but sometimes it really feels as though there's no time to rest. Maybe just super lousy time management on my part but STILL...... *Sighs*

Shall not destroy my happy mood with more ramblings. Enjoy the MV~

I know this is DAMN outdated, but they NEVER fail to put a HUGE smile on my face. ^^!

Off to bed with sweet dreams~!

P.S. I know the background music probably seems very annoying by now, thanks to the 30 second thingy. I will take it off when I update my template this weekend, so bear with it for another few days. No more music for a while though.

loved

.Saturday, August 08, 2009 ' 1:06 AM Y

Slowly getting out of the "sian" mood, but every now and then, I still feel very lethargic. And my body is honestly tired. I haven't had a proper day of rest since the first day of the funeral and I think things are going to continue this way until at least after the Natsu Matsuri. Almost everyday is filled with some kind of activity, and work and school are stuff that can't be avoided. Totally exhuasted. And I've put off revamping my room by about another month, simply due to the lack of time (and funds). Tempted to take a day's leave to just rest at home, but I think I'll save my leave for my trip to Taiwan. Haha~

Regarding work... No comments. Lol. Almost everyday, there are conflicting emotions. I'm still trying to decide between opening up and being more reserved. No matter what Crystal says, work and home is just too different. Maybe its just my personality.

Alot of people call me naive, while some say that I just refuse to face reality. But to me, I KNOW what the real world is like. Or rather, I'm slowly getting a very clear idea. I know that the world isn't perfect. Far from it, the world is actually a very ugly place. Its filled with a lot of "two-facedness", a lot of backstabbing, a lot of selfishness. My concern is that if I allow myself to accept and meld into society as it is, then how different am I from those people whom I can't tolerate? Not saying that I'm perfect or anything, but I know myself well enough to confidently say that I'm not THAT bad. YET. Haha~!

I'm trying hard to adapt, and I know if I want to "relax", I need to do just that. Yet somehow, there are things that are just beyond my boundaries. But that's blogging material for another day lah~ xD

TKDJ is getting so dead. There's an upcoming taiko competition, but where's my enthusiasm? I can't find it. I've gone 2 weeks without taiko-ing, without even touching my bachis, yet I don't exactly miss it, although neither am I sick of it. I seriously don't really feel like joining the competition. I might not even want to go down to Iluma on the competition day. Guess that'll depend on my mood when the date draws nearer.

I know my sinking into such a mood is a very bad thing, and I'm trying to pull myself out, but seriously speaking, the only bright sparks in my life at this point is hankering after Jerry Yan (xD!), listening to the same playlist thousands of times, and looking forward to going to Taiwan, although the latter hasn't been confirmed yet. Oh! And I'm aiming to start my vocal lessons like next year? Hopefully I will FINALLY have some savings by then. Limiting myself to spending a maximum of $70 per week so as to save as much money as possible. And considering taking up a few tuition cases for some extra bucks too~

I'm still constantly bugging people to go KBOX with me though. So people who are interested can feel free to "jio" me anytime. Keke. Maybe I should plan on installing a KTV system in my future home, but I want it to be like Kbox style where all the songs are stored on a database so that I don't have to change CDs or anything. Wonder how much that will cost. Hmmm~ Its a nice dream though. Haha.

Right. Bedtime. Please pardon me for another "rojak" post, but I guess that's just how my brain works. So many thoughts floating around that they all just end up meshing together. Wish I could be like Dumbledore and dump some into a Pensieve or whatever you call that thing that stores your memories. My eyes are half-closed already. Ironic how just half a year ago, this kind of time was my most active and awake time. I'm getting O-L-D~

P.S. I wanna go watch the Hossan Leong Show. And "Defending the Caveman" is making a rerun around September. Might wanna catch it since I missed the first round in March. $$$. Wish I could print my own. HAHA~!

P.P.S Just read through some of my previous entries. How coincidental that one day after that "happier post" on the 26th, Grandma passed away and from then all, my mood just went downhill so fast; and its a tough climb back up.

loved

.Sunday, August 02, 2009 ' 10:37 PM Y

Life is a journey that's full of twists and turns.

I think I'm at the point in life where I'm very sick and tired of everything. I just want to stop and take a breather; just want to be alone for a while to sort out my thoughts and feelings. Right now, I really don't have the energy to bother about anything or anyone. Call me selfish or whatever you want, but I think i deserve some time to myself every once in a while. Other than work and gym, I honestly can't drag up the energy to be enthusiastic about anything else. I've even put off revamping my own room to the next 2 weekends.

I know whatever is wrong with me now isn't a good thing at all. I know shutting myself in and everyone else out is bad for my mental health. I'm not depressed or being "emo", but I'm just very "sian" about everything right now. Maybe its because I've been seeing my relatives too much for this past week; maybe its because too many things have been going on lately. I'm VERY tired. Starting to get very short-tempered again. Any single tiny thing can set me off and make me feel very pissed off, and I'm trying my best to change that. I guess I just need to be alone to sort myself out for now.

I don't wish for anyone to worry about me; I'm not trying to seek attention and I really couldn't be bothered if people get sick of me and leave me. I just don't have the mood to bother about all these things. I'm sorry to everyone who gets affected by my mood, which is why I'm not trying to socialise with friends, because I don't want to affect their moods as well. Please pardon me for the sudden "whatever-you-want-to-call-it" attitude.

loved

. ' 12:45 AM Y

Throughly exhausted these few days.

One week of facing all those relatives really made my mood plummet to an all-time low. It makes me feel as though I really don't fit into this world. Like, how come everyone can find it so easy to be so fake; to put on a mask to face other people? Then isn't everyone just being hypocrites? *Sighs*

Hate the way human mind works. Hate how complicated everything has to be; how difficult it is to show one's true "face". Hate why everyone only bothers to see the surface of things; how they NEVER take the time or effort to use their hearts and understand.

For now, I just want some peace in my life. Please, no more unexpected shocks or surprises, no more "big problems" to settle. I just wanna go to work, hit the gym, chill at home with my VCDs and my music. That's all I want for now. Too tired to bother about anything or anyone. I know its really bad of me, but right now, I really don't have the energy to be concerned about other people's matters. Let me be selfish for a while. I need to recover my spirits.

P.S. Been super addicted to this song, for no special reason at all:

loved