.Saturday, August 08, 2009 ' 1:06 AM Y
Slowly getting out of the "sian" mood, but every now and then, I still feel very lethargic. And my body is honestly tired. I haven't had a proper day of rest since the first day of the funeral and I think things are going to continue this way until at least after the Natsu Matsuri. Almost everyday is filled with some kind of activity, and work and school are stuff that can't be avoided. Totally exhuasted. And I've put off revamping my room by about another month, simply due to the lack of time (and funds). Tempted to take a day's leave to just rest at home, but I think I'll save my leave for my trip to Taiwan. Haha~Regarding work... No comments. Lol. Almost everyday, there are conflicting emotions. I'm still trying to decide between opening up and being more reserved. No matter what Crystal says, work and home is just too different. Maybe its just my personality. Alot of people call me naive, while some say that I just refuse to face reality. But to me, I KNOW what the real world is like. Or rather, I'm slowly getting a very clear idea. I know that the world isn't perfect. Far from it, the world is actually a very ugly place. Its filled with a lot of "two-facedness", a lot of backstabbing, a lot of selfishness. My concern is that if I allow myself to accept and meld into society as it is, then how different am I from those people whom I can't tolerate? Not saying that I'm perfect or anything, but I know myself well enough to confidently say that I'm not THAT bad. YET. Haha~!I'm trying hard to adapt, and I know if I want to "relax", I need to do just that. Yet somehow, there are things that are just beyond my boundaries. But that's blogging material for another day lah~ xDTKDJ is getting so dead. There's an upcoming taiko competition, but where's my enthusiasm? I can't find it. I've gone 2 weeks without taiko-ing, without even touching my bachis, yet I don't exactly miss it, although neither am I sick of it. I seriously don't really feel like joining the competition. I might not even want to go down to Iluma on the competition day. Guess that'll depend on my mood when the date draws nearer. I know my sinking into such a mood is a very bad thing, and I'm trying to pull myself out, but seriously speaking, the only bright sparks in my life at this point is hankering after Jerry Yan (xD!), listening to the same playlist thousands of times, and looking forward to going to Taiwan, although the latter hasn't been confirmed yet. Oh! And I'm aiming to start my vocal lessons like next year? Hopefully I will FINALLY have some savings by then. Limiting myself to spending a maximum of $70 per week so as to save as much money as possible. And considering taking up a few tuition cases for some extra bucks too~ I'm still constantly bugging people to go KBOX with me though. So people who are interested can feel free to "jio" me anytime. Keke. Maybe I should plan on installing a KTV system in my future home, but I want it to be like Kbox style where all the songs are stored on a database so that I don't have to change CDs or anything. Wonder how much that will cost. Hmmm~ Its a nice dream though. Haha. Right. Bedtime. Please pardon me for another "rojak" post, but I guess that's just how my brain works. So many thoughts floating around that they all just end up meshing together. Wish I could be like Dumbledore and dump some into a Pensieve or whatever you call that thing that stores your memories. My eyes are half-closed already. Ironic how just half a year ago, this kind of time was my most active and awake time. I'm getting O-L-D~ P.S. I wanna go watch the Hossan Leong Show. And "Defending the Caveman" is making a rerun around September. Might wanna catch it since I missed the first round in March. $$$. Wish I could print my own. HAHA~!
P.P.S Just read through some of my previous entries. How coincidental that one day after that "happier post" on the 26th, Grandma passed away and from then all, my mood just went downhill so fast; and its a tough climb back up.