it's lovee;

.Thursday, September 24, 2009 ' 10:48 PM Y

AH! Much better after a cold shower. But STILL VERY STRESSED.

Still unable to form coherent sentences. I'm just going to blabber on and on until I'm happy enough to log out and go sleep.

Oh, and if you're going complain about how whiny I am today or how unbearably vulgar I'm gonna get, just close this window now. NO MOOD TO CARE~

I've got the whole house to myself today. Or at least until my Mom and Sis get back from shopping. Eggy and peanut rice for dinner again, after I finally couldn't "tahan" the sour-smelling prawn noodle. Yuck.

What am I stressed about? MONEY! That's what.

Damned loan is making me have a nervous breakdown sooner or later. Of course, by right I should have the means to support that loan. SHOULD. But don't. And I don't know why either.

Am I expecting way too much of myself?

Sometimes I can't believe that I'm just 19 either. I feel at least ten years older. I still remember always wishing to be grown up when I was still in primary school. Thought it was cool back then; to be an adult, to have money, to have freedom. Now I'd rather be a kid again and let Mommy take care of everything.

Welcome to the adult world.

And people think that at 19, you're still too young too fully understand the word "stress". Hello? You're talking to ME. And I am STRESSED.

And just like how there's always icing on the cake, my right knee is feeling weird again. Like inflamed joints or something. Add on with "rotting" heels and you've got me limping instead of walking. Hoo-fucking-ray.

Did I also mention that I still have NOT gotten the netbook? Hey M1. You don't wanna mess with me when I'm pissed.

I wanna go to the zoo! Who wants to go with me? Like, after I get October's pay? Since this month's pay is all going to go towards paying for all the miscellaneous "I-forgot-why-I-signed-for-this" bills. Okay lah. To be brutally honest, I remember how I got into debt. But I'm not telling you.

Okay! I've run out of random stuff to blog about. For now. Be back again when I go crazy again. =P

loved

. ' 10:11 PM Y

STRESS STRESS STRESS STRESS STRESS STRESS STRESS

STRESS!!!

Who can get me out of this fucking mess?!?!??!

I need to V E N T!

So frickin' TIRED. I can feel all that weight on my shoulders. DAMN DAMN DAMN!

I'll be so glad when all this is finally over. I'll be so happy to see the very last of you.

Stupid laptop loan. URGH!

loved

.Tuesday, September 22, 2009 ' 11:32 PM Y

Back at work and I'm feeling so much happier. Maybe its just the restlessness getting to me. I really need to apologise to Dear for my bad temper but I really don't know what to do to mellow it down!

We still haven't gotten our netbook and I'm getting edgy because I really wanna be able to surf the Net at home. I'm currently blogging on my sister's lappy and I'm racing against time because I told her I only needed 10 minutes and I'm already on the 20th minute. xD And I was thinking of bringing Peggy's contract home to finish typing because its been lying in that paper tray for almost a week and I haven't had the chance to really start on it yet. Grrr...

I'm not turning into a workaholic lah~ Just that when your colleagues are good, work becomes more of an enjoyment than a chore. Although I still hate having to wake up at 7am (actually 7.30 since I always hit the snooze button) every single weekday. Somehow, people have bio-clocks that are programmed to get used to waking up early while my bio-clock just never gets used to it. Damn.

I've stupidly suggested a Xmas and NY gathering for TKDJ, even though I've already been through the tiring process of planning a chalet. I simply hate how people cannot give a firm yes or no and have to keep dragging and dragging until the day before the actualy event, and then you have to personally CALL them before they tell you no. Fuck you! Let's just hope this time round it won't be such a huge chore to plan a one day gathering.

Alright alright... I really need to snap out of my PMS mood. I have no freaking idea why my mood swings are kicking in again but its getting really bad. I STILL haven't called K.K to schedule a follow up appointment; so lazy. xD And seriously, its no fun having a random doctor prodding your body. I'm sorry for those who are actually worried about me but I think I know my body better than anyone else and I think there really isn't anything serious lah~

Okie~ Time for bed. The next time I update will be when I get my netbook. Hope its really soon!!!

P.S Payday in 2 days! Woohoo!!!!

loved

.Sunday, September 20, 2009 ' 9:06 PM Y

Updating my blog from Colosseum~

Ended up NOT going for Seiransei 19 because the rest weren't free. And Kbox tomorrow is cancelled. FML.

At least i got to play taiko and we'll still be going for durians tomorrow. Sighs...

Sometimes its really hard to look forward to the good things in life when the setbacks keep getting you down. Maybe its just me, but its really depressing that its so hard to find someone to go out and chill with. And I fucking hate it when people cancel on me at the very last minute. I'm so sick of constantly being the one to "jio" everyone out. Sick of always having to send so many sms-es to so many people and end up with only 2-3 replies that say yes.

Today finally decided to screw what others say and get a weekend job. Because "nua-at-home" day turned out to be depressingly boring. No computer to use, and no new VCDs to watch. Invented eggy peanut rice though, which turned out to be yummyly good. Haha. I have talent at cooking!!! xD

Will be looking around over the next few weeks for some part time jobs that will only require me to work weekends and public holidays. I know its bad to be working so much, but why say no to extra money? Heh heh. Besides, I can always quit when I finally get tired.

A lot of people keep asking me why I chose this current path of life, but I really don't know how to answer. I just don't want to be like every other 19 year old. Admittedly sometimes I lament about work. Sometimes I really wish I could lay back and relax like my other peers. Sometimes I wish that life could be as easy as those people who don't have to work, who depend on their parents for everything. But when it comes down to reality, I know that I don't actually mind working. I know that what I'm going through now will serve me well in the future. And I can proudly tell my relatives that I don't have to depend on my parents to support me anymore, other than my education that is.

Apologies for such a depressing post today. Its emo-momo day for me. Don't even have the mood to sing. Damn it! I need something to cheer me up!!!!!!

loved

.Thursday, September 17, 2009 ' 3:06 PM Y

My home PC has crashed!!! What the bloody hell man. Its a good thing I'm getting a new Netbook next week. Thanks to Dear. Haha.

Been getting very addicted to Street Racing on Facebook. Haha. I also just found out that the ENTIRE OFFICE is on Facebook. Yes. Even my boss and lady boss. How "cool" is that? Now I'm on Restaurant City too. Lol. But I still prefer SR. Hee~

Very much looking forward to this weekend. SEIRANSAI 19!!! xD

Plus Kbox and durians.

Because of Kbox, I made myself drink the yucky cough syrup I got from the doctor and just now I got so damn drowsy that I was dozing off in front of the computer. With the Facebook window on. Zzz~ Now I understand why people use cough syrups as a substitute for sleeping pills.

Pay is coming in soon, but in the meantime, I really gotta try and curb my spending. I keep going out of budget and I have no friggin' idea where the money goes to. This two coming Saturdays are going to be "nua-at-home" days. Tidy up my room, sort out my closet, and SLEEP! Keke.

Alright alright. Back to work. Hope I get my Netbook soon~ xD

loved

.Thursday, September 10, 2009 ' 1:08 AM Y

Upcoming events to occupy my weekends!!!

12/9/09 (Sat) - Party @ Seven

13/9/09 (Sun) - Temple + Comex 2009

20/9/09 - Seiransai 19

21/9/09 - KBOX!

Its weird that I keep wanting to get home early just to rest, but instead of sleeping, I was slumping on the couch and watching VCDs instead.

Dear just informed me about the party at Seven today. Anyone who's interested can come. I have no idea what the hell is gonna happen but I'm hoping against hope that there will at least ONE free (alcholic) drink. Haven't drunk since TKDJ chalet. xD

95% confirmed will be going for Seiransai 19 with Sky and most probably Kyon. Hope more dojo people go, minus the annoying ones. Haha. I know I'm so bad.

Been really happy at work these few days despite the tiredness. So happy that I didn't want to go home today even when it was time to knock off. I must be going crazy or something. LOL. But I think I still need to buck up and faster learn NOT to care about the minor minor things that get me down. Sometimes one person's POV isn't really that important. Sometimes, one person's oddity will cause problems with fitting in. Everyone's got to either learn to accept or F off right?

I'm starting to blabber nonsense again. Time for bed!! LOL.

loved

.Saturday, September 05, 2009 ' 5:20 PM Y

Today is "nua-at-home" day for me! Keke. In a very excited mood now because of some really amazing discoveries I made just now.

Basically I got home at 5+am again today and KO-ed in bed all the way till 4pm. I did wake up a few times in between lah, but decided to go back to sleep since I didn't have any plans for today.

So after I finally slept my fill and woke up at about 4pm (actually more due to my dad's nagging), I decided I was hungry and started looking around for food. Why not go and buy, you ask? Becaue my wallet's totally empty, my PIN's not here yet, and Dear's at work. So basically I got no resources to secure food outside of my home. Pretty pathetic yeah.

SO ANYWAYS~ I was looking around for stuff to cook and somehow ended up raiding and "tidying up" the kitchen cabinet where my mom stores all the canned food and other stuffs. Oh, and the fridge as well. Look at all the "wonderful" things I found:

Dutch Lady Full Cream Sweetened Condensed Milk

EXP: 190809 SE4

Cavendish Flavour Crisp (Fries)

E: 29/07/2009

Corn Kernels from NTUC

EXP: 200709

And the most epic of all:

A can of yucky-sounding but seemingly-harmless-looking Bittergourd Tea. Don't know where its from though. xD

Best use before: 27/10/2004

*Speechless*

Finally finished with this post after 1 hour. Off to enjoy my own cooking. Hahas~

loved

.Thursday, September 03, 2009 ' 11:59 PM Y

Just some random updates before I go to bed.

Time is really flying by very fast. The days and weeks go by so fast that its a little hard to believe that time has actually gone by at all. Like, you know, just when you're thinking, "Damn its Monday again!" but all of a sudden its Friday again. Okay fine. Nonsense blabbering on my part. Pardon my incoherence for today. Not exactly in the mood to articulate myself properly.

History is repeating itself again. This time, I'm even more disappointed because I expected way more than what I got. But accept it I will, because I understand that nothing goes on forever. Even life itself will eventually come to an end, what's more to say of the other small things in life.

Perhaps Dear is right. The reason I keep sinking into bouts of depressed moods could be because I've suddenly had my eyes opened to the ugliness of the world, and am still unable to accept it all. Is it because I read too much fiction and got affected by it all? Or is it because I'm still to immature to fully comprehend and handle all the complicated relationships between each individual?

Few bright sparks to look forward to: COMEX Show 2009, Kbox outing, 1st week of October (applied 1.5 days of leave) and a possibilty of a trip to Japan end of the year. I only have 4 days of leave left though. =(

Oh, and one more thing~ I've put in another order with VS~! Keke. Finally got that pair of boots I've been coveting since forever. Hope I'll receive it by next month or so. If this pair of booties fit me fine enough, I'll be going on a shoe spree at the end of the year~! WOOHOO~

Looking at it this way, at least my life doesn't feel that gloomy. I guess its because of these random sparks of brightness that life doesn't seem so bleak. *I am not suffering from depression okay!*

Last day of the week tomorrow. No current plans for the weekend yet. Let's see if I can be disciplined enough to stay home on Saturday and sort out my room. xD

P.S I'm almost done with the 3rd book of the Three Kingdoms volumes. One more to go. Yea yea!

loved