.Wednesday, June 06, 2012 ' 1:53 PM Y
Wow. So the last time I blogged was slightly more than a year ago. Talk about procrastination. Believe me. Many times I honestly wanted to blog, but somehow, just never got around to actually doing it.
One year. Many things have happened, many things have changed. I've switched jobs (yes, again). Don't really want to go much into details, but I guess for now, even though I'm not truly happy about this current job, I'm sticking to it because I need to accumulate the experience.
Recently, because of what started out as a freelance "business venture", I've lost someone whom used to be a friend. To be honest with myself, I still can't come to terms with it, because there are just too many things to put down, to leave behind, and I truly don't think I can fully do that. At least not now. But there comes a point in time where enough is enough, and even the most tolerant saint reaches his/her limits. I've never been a very tolerant person, but I must say, I have definitely stretched my limits this time. A lot.
I don't want to delve into the issue of who was right or who was wrong, because I've always believed that in situations like these, there are no wrongs. Because no one will admit to any faults. Suffice to say that our work styles have always been very different, even since way back then. But I am no longer that green girl taking her baby steps into the working world, too scared to speak against things I do not agree with. I may not be very experienced, but I've been out long enough to know what works and what doesn't; when I have to stand up for myself and when to back down. Gone are the days when I would have swallowed my displeasure and obediently taken orders from others, no matter how ridiculous they were. There are some things I chose to forgive, but it doesn't mean that I have forgotten.
Perhaps it was my naivety that made me think that things would work out; that perhaps we would be able to set aside our differences, or even try to resolve them as we went along. Clearly I was wrong. After much struggle, I finally decided to call it quits. I thought things would get better from there, but somehow it went downhill, till today when we are at that final full stop.
Its not the first time that I've had to let go of a close friend. Many years back, I chose to walk away from an entire group of my closest friends because I was disappointed that they refused to listen to both sides of the story. At that time, anger muted my sorrow, and when the anger finally abated, the pain had also lessened. This time, I'm just plain disappointed and sad that things had to end this way. I'm angry too, not because of what happened during, but because of what happened after. I think its petty to resort to such "indirect" ways of trying to show yourself as a victim, and I refuse to degrade myself to that level.
Time heals all wounds, and perhaps ours can be healed over the years. But, just as a broken vase can never be returned to its original state, I know I have to move on from now. Thank you though, for the memories over the years. I won't erase them just like that.
