.Tuesday, February 19, 2013 ' 4:44 PM Y
Flying off tonight. Everything still feels a little surreal actually. This is the first time in my entire 22 years of existence that I will be stepping out of Singapore alone; its a heady mix of excitement and nervousness.
And this is really the last time I will be so reckless, because I know full well that this sudden trip has put strain on our already-floundering finances. And when I come back in to the office on 25th, I'm going to have a lot of shit to clear. Just the thought of it makes me not feel like going for the trip.
I supposed things are considered smoothed-out between us now. His promises to cut back on the drinking and to maintain his distance with her mollified me somewhat, but I'm still reserved on those promises until I really see a real change. I honestly hope that he can understand where I'm coming from; that he is compromising because he knows what I'm unhappy about, and not just for the sake of it. I really hope things can get better.
Sometimes I still feel awkward around him, because I know that there is still a part of me unwilling to let go of the unhappiness, but I'm trying. Let's hope this trip can clear my head and clear my heart. I know that I do still love him and I know that this is not the end of the relationship yet, because ultimately, we both cannot find it within us to let go.
I will be bringing work with me for this 5 day trip, so that I won't have as much to do when I'm back, and so that I will have something to occupy my lonely nights. And I will still keep on updating this blog because I've realised that no matter how much I've moved on with life over the years, that flair and passion for writing is still there, somewhere. So even if I can't update on a regular basis, even if there are no readers, I will still be back occasionally, whenever I need to write about stuff that I can't easily share for the world to see on Facebook.