<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d19121411\x26blogName\x3dSweet+Sweet+Love\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLACK\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://rain-of-rubies.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://rain-of-rubies.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d3480123040565238489', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
.Tuesday, April 23, 2013 ' 5:30 PM Y
I realise I really am going into full shutdown mode. All I want to do is lock myself in my room and gorge myself silly watching Running Man. Just not in the mood to move my ass much. 

I've still been in contact with him these past few weeks but its like, I don't know how to talk to him anymore? 

Its really hard to explain this but its like, you know there's this awareness that, hey this guy's not my boyfriend anymore, so I don't have the right to ask questions that are too personal anymore. And although I really miss the old buddy to whom I could just talk to about anything under the sun, it feels as that that friend died together with the fact that he's not my boyfriend anymore. 

One of the positives of my newfound singlehood is that now I really have the freedom to do all sorts of shit I'd never have been able to do before. Like summer school. I'm still being tentative about this freedom because I don't want to fly too high and lose myself. All of a sudden I feel as though I want to take on the whole world but I don't know if I'm trying to escape from reality or is it because I've been surpressing myself too long.

Sometimes I really feel like I don't know who I am anymore. Is this normal? Everything feels the same but so different at the same time. And I'm starting to get headaches more often. Is it from overthinking? There's this huge jumble of thoughts that I've been struggling to sort out and make sense of. And its really draining to think so much, so hard. 

I instinctively know that if he came back now I'd still take him back but at the same time, I feel as though I don't know this person anymore. Am I just being stubborn? What exactly is it that I am clinging on to? I have no idea! 

Running Man is the only thing that's keeping me sane nowadays and I am totally NOT exaggerating. Its the only time where I can take my mind off everything. I know I'm like a coward now. I just want to hide my head in a hole and not face the world but its really tiring to put on a smiley face day after day, although its getting slightly easier. 

Will not be updating for a while because I know it will just be a jumble of nonsense. I hope I can really sort out my mind soon. 



*MaKiNo AyAnO TsUkUsHi -
*born 10th November -
*PrOud LittLe ScOrpioN -
*StuBBorN & quIcK-teMpeRed -
*FoRgivEs bUt NeVeR foRgEts -
*cOntAct hEr at tough_jennifer@hotmail.com -


*a New laPpY
*tRaveLs aRouNd tHe wOrLd
*vOcaL lEssOnS
*a KeYbOarD
*to LivE in RiChmOnd,B.C



-=*QiU rUi*=-
-=*ShAo QiU*=-
-=*LaY fEnG*=-

> -=*Gabrylo*=-



-=*AlEc Su*=-
-=*JiMMy LiN*=-
-=*LeO kU*=-
-=*ShOw LuO*=-
-=*KiNgOnE wAnG*=-
-=*KeLlY pOoN*=-
-=*RaInIe YaNg*=-
-=*RuBy LiN*=-

-=*JaCk NeO*=-
-=*LaO zHa BoR*=-
-=*Mc KiNg*=-
-=*KeNnY sIa*=-

Past AcQuainTanCes

Past Acquaintances

-=*ShYaNg LoNg*=-
-=*JaSmInE tAn*=-
-=*RuI cHeNg*=-
-=*JiAn WeI*=-
-=*JuN mInG*=-
-=*LiAnG hAo*=-
-=*JiAn XiOnG*=-
-=*XuE yInG*=-


November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
November 2010
December 2010
March 2011
May 2011
June 2012
August 2012
February 2013
March 2013
April 2013
May 2013
July 2013


designer & editer of codes; x
base codes; x
image hosting; x
fonts; x
images; x
edited with photoshop CS2